I just love your flashy plays, guess why they broke, and you so paid.

If you store your passwords in your browser, please pay attention. There is a set of tools available freely to any degen with almost 3 brain cells to rub together that can retrieve the passwords from your browser “Secure Store”, so that hackers can try and steal your identity using primary or secondary passwords you’ve used for everything else. You can always count on laziness.

When your browser’s secure store passwords are harvested and sold on the dark web, other degens will spend a few minutes to crack the “secure store” open and get to your entire life. They will then try and use this information against you.

Weeks ago, anticipating this, I had begun purging my personal data that no one wants to admit is being collected or retrieved without consent (Telemetry is personal if you profit off it to harvest your bottom line and you do not share that profit with those whos personal data you are pilfering for a few cents every year.) There are services out there that can do this “automatically”, which makes no sense unless you’re the source of said information you’re purging, but most knuckleheads can figure it out with some simple google searching for like “purge personal data from Google” or something.

In either Chrome or Firefox, if you look at the passwords that are stored, they will tell you if a password you use has been compromised on the “dark web”, whatever in the fuck that is anymore. But Chrome and Firefox make it clear your password was stolen and you need to change. While changing it, make it super fucking long, like imsmartafbutihateworkingandwanttoretireearlybutihadtogettheextramoneyiputintomy401krefundedfordumbgovernmentreasonssoicouldshowtheworldalessonaboutmemecoinsandweb3. Or something. While you’re composing your next password, remember to login to everything and flip on Multi-factor authentication and use an Authenticator app that can send you push notifications. More on why this matters later.

If there’s the option to log off old still connected sessions from devices you may or may not recognize, it is safe to do so, just keep this in mind. You will have to connect your devices again. boo hoo. This will disconnect your account(Amazon, Gmail, Netflix) from any device that has an “active” connection to your account by way of OAuth and SAML. This makes it so if you owned that device and resold it to someone else, who did not factory reset it, managed to get ahold of your information through other means, but the “computer” is “recognized” from a session that happened where you clicked through a bunch of shit no one reads, because you wanted to see the newest season of Love is Blind, they can no longer access your service. I realize it is super inconvenient to have to login to shit again, but for your privacy’s sake, take the few minutes.

Why does Multi-factor authentication even matter to me, bro. Like fr fr. I’m so smart, there’s no way people would get my info. You are the reason I am telling you this happens. Because it has happened to you already, but it might not make sense if someone doesn’t connect the dots for you.

Multi-factor authentication is a way to “guarantee” you are you. Like how keys can identify people. You have a phone. You remember a password. Your phone can receive a code that verifies “you’re” “you”, you have provided a service three forms of authentication, which is more secure than a single password that’s not nearly as long as: imsmartafbutihateworkingandwanttoretireearlybutihadtogettheextramoneyiputintomy401krefundedfordumbgovernmentreasonssoicouldshowtheworldalessonaboutmemecoinsandweb3

You make it this long because it’s random and much harder to brute force into. Catch up. Anything less than 12 characters takes less than 5 seconds to crack, or whatever. Rainbow tables

Use MFA. Check out security and privacy settings and turn off as many as possible. Or continue to wonder why when you talk about fucking ‘Tide Pods’, that shit is allllllll over your Instagram.

I don’t even care if anyone’s reading anymore, just fix your shit.

Take all your shit, fit it into a backup. Fix your shit.

[$RickandMorty-”Get your shit together”]