It’s been some time. Shame on me. I have not kept my promise to stay consistent in writing my blog. After a very hectic half-year, I will try once more to pick up my blogging routine. A lot has happened. This article is about the period September — December 2023.
This month highlights the end of a life period. It was the last month of a lot. The last month of unlimited free time. The last month of being in Scouting. The last month of being unemployed and so many more things. I cherished it all, but just like last year, couldn't wait for October to begin. I was more than ready to start a new chapter.
After running a lot over the past month I decided to do something crazy and ran a marathon in the neighborhood on a Wednesday morning. There would not be a lot of time during this month for training and I wanted to make a statement for myself and challenge my physique. My body absorbed the challenge rather easily.
After 19 years of being in scouting, my retirement arrived. For one last time, I felt more connected than ever with my group during our annual opening weekend. I’m glad I decided to do one more transitioning year to end on a happy note since I didn’t have this feeling last year. During the weekend I talked with many people and had some meaningful talks about purpose in life and achieving your goals. However, these were scarce since the majority of the weekend (of course) consisted of drinking a lot of alcohol.
It was an amazing week and I am deeply grateful for the friends, nurturing, and memorable moments I have experienced during my scouting career. It has shaped me into who I am and its effects will leave a lifelong impact on me.
One more vacation to finish off the summer season. With my brother and two friends, we took off to Austria & Slovenia. We hiked along the Alpe Adria trail and crossed the border through the mountains. Once arrived in Slovenia, me and my brother had an amazing hitchhike back to our car in Austria. The next day I picked up my Greek friend whom I hadn’t seen anymore since my Erasmus 1,5 years ago. A very wonderful reünion. We talked a lot and enjoyed nature in its purest form. We disconnected in a mesmerizing environment. If you want to read more about it, you can always check out my Polarsteps here: https://www.polarsteps.com/GingerKingB
After hiking and a healthy life, it was time again to deteriorate our bodies. On our way home we stopped at the Oktoberfest in Munchen and showed the Greek guest how good the Belgians are in drinking beer. Upon arrival in Belgium, I showed him around and the final week of September ended up being one big party week which aligned with the university opening week. I experienced student life for the last time and saw back a lot of friends whom I hadn’t seen for months during summer. I enjoyed it, but was also happy when it was over. I can’t enjoy a week of non-productive time anymore. It itches in my brain.
I wanted to do everything without giving up anything. Sports, studying, and updating my (travel) diary. Next to it, I was also going through a turbulent period with my girlfriend resulting in even more brain activity in an ever-decreasing amount of free time. There simply was too much on my plate. It was draining my body physically and mentally. But no obstacle is too big for me. I was excited to start this new adventure.
I promised myself to finish all my work before the start of my new job on the 16th. I did not. Result: my private “work” piled up whilst also having to perform 8 hours of productive work each day. On top of that, I also decided to join a small university study on the side of Artificial Intelligence. Overall this resulted in an even more congested life.
The first two weeks of my job went smoothly. I started at a consultancy bureau and was positioned in a data center at a small startup-like company. The colleagues on my project were very nice and flexible. They invested their time and knowledge in me and were very supportive. I got the chance to be myself and they gave me responsibility. On top of that, my project managers were sporty-minded and supported my running endeavors, even during working hours.
After the summer I was ready to prepare for a triathlon and ultrarunning. This meant more running and learning crawl swimming. However, I got injured with a runner’s knee due to ramping up my running routine again after only a short break. No more running for now … or wait … let’s run the Antwerp half marathon, try to pull a PR, and then take a break. Every normal person would say that’s a stupid idea and that was even more reasoning for me to do so. I decreased my training for two weeks so that the pain was bearable and then blasted off to the race in my home city. I did very well and beat my expectations with a new record of 1h30'33". I was very proud and had a lot of pain so it was time for some healing.
My time management was completely wrecked after October, resulting in some harsh decisions with serious impacts. It was a month with a lot of emotions and big life events. To sum it up: my parents got married, I broke up with my girlfriend, my brother left for at least 6 months of traveling, I considered to resign my job and had to search for alternatives all while being injured resulting in a sports break which weighed on my mental health. Last but not least I also had to deliver school assignments. To get it all done I was sleep-deprived massively.
I had a good start at my job. But after a month I started to re-evaluate my current situation. Does my current job fit my 4 core pillars on which I weigh the value it can deliver?
My 4 job pillars are the following:
Network and knowledge expansion -> Alignment with my ambitions
Freedom -> Hours, flexibility, commute, …?
Opportunities abroad -> Going to other countries/places?
Financial gains -> Salary and additional benefits
My evaluation revealed the following:
Since I work in a critical and heavily secured infrastructure I do not come into contact with a lot of people. I only have a few colleagues (10) with whom I do not spend a lot of time. We don’t even eat together most of the days. The content I am working on is interesting but does not contribute to my career ambitions. I want to work less in engineering and more in IT. The IT stuff I have to execute here is still very much engineering-related.
Working in Mechelen costs me between 2 and 3 hours a day of driving in traffic. This time is purely wasted. I tried to make it productive by listening to podcasts but after 1 month I was already bored of listening to podcasts so much. My hours are more or less fixed since we are operational support during working hours so avoiding traffic is not easy. Other transportation methods don’t create an immediate solution.
None. Operational on location in Mechelen. No special events. A new project in Brussels but this would not make a difference since I was recruited for Mechelen. Near future zero prospects.
On the lower end of the possibilities with my degree. Mandatory company car in my contract which takes up a lot of budget.
These issues were not insuperable. I contacted my consultancy bureau manager and explained that I was not happy with the current situation. Since the contract with this project was a three-month trial (as my manager had promised me), I asked for a redeployment. This could shift the job pillars more in my desired direction. Long story short: “This is not possible, you are being picky and not reasonable and we never promised you this so you are lying”. The relationship with my consultancy company and the trust in my manager dropped significantly.
Meanwhile, I also talked with my project managers. They were very happy with my performance and saw lots of potential in me. It gave me a mixed feeling since they were investing their goodwill and resources in me, being genuinely concerned with my well-being and ambitions all while I was hesitant about my future commitment to them. I had way more affinity and honest feelings for them than for my actual employer.
This created dilemmas in my head. Do I change the project? Do I change jobs? What job do I look for? Am I being too demanding? Is it correct for me to handle this way? How do I handle this situation?
This situation had a big load on my brain and judgment over myself as a person and my needs and approach to it. But one thing was sure. I am not the average person and I do not want to compare myself with the majority of our society. I take risks and know my capabilities. I am confident it will all work out and I will be happy with the outcome in hindsight.
Over the past month, I had convinced one of my best friends from Uni to join me for an Artificial Intelligence course at another Belgian University. He agreed. Our lessons had already started more than a month ago so we had some catching up to do. We scheduled a weekly evening for studying together. Our first course was Machine Learning Algorithms Modeling in Python.
My creativity dropped and I did not stick to my promise to write an article every month. My Polarsteps of summer was not finished. My diary updates became less frequent. I did not post anything on my social media which I wanted to align with my current life. In short: I neglected it due to other priorities.
The only (new) stable thing this month was Discipulae Vitae. The productivity group with my cousin and his (and now also my) trading friends. Here we decided to take things a bit more seriously and hold a weekly meeting in which we discuss our thoughts on a specific topic. On top of that, we write a weekly recap of our own lives. We post this in our discord to hold each other accountable for promises and share our external views and advice.
My knee injury was not fully recovered and I had been sick due to my sleep-deprived lifestyle. But suddenly Tobias & Victor came up with the idea to go run 50km in a couple of days to challenge ourselves. Unprepared we decided to just go for it. We drove to the coast and started running. It took us 6 hours and a lot of suffering, but we succeeded! Very proud of both of them and a bit surprised at how difficult it went for me.
Due to the even worse knee injury, I did not run anymore for a while. I made an appointment with the kinesitherapy and this helped a lot. I wanted to get into swimming but didn’t stick to my plan. Going to the gym was also a possibility but it happened only sporadically. Somehow I let my leg injury dictate my whole body to not sport even though there are lots of other alternatives. My comfort go-to sports was off the table and my whole routine collapsed.
My sports frequency was at the very low end and it had a serious impact on my well-being. It affected my energy level during the day, my clarifying and ordering thought process, my feelings, and as a result my decision-making capabilities. The longer it lasted the more aware I was and the more I realized things had to change! But: realization ≠ taking action.
This month was a continuation of sleep deprivation. There was so much going on and I was in a nonstop rush to work on everything. My adrenaline and excitement pushed me through this month. It was fun while it lasted though not sustainable. There was no balance.
My decision was set in stone. I will search for another job. Due to my job, the direction I want to work towards became more clear: data analytics/data science/business intelligence. I was ready for an IT job. If I want to acquire knowledge and a reliable network, I have to work in the sector I want to progress and excel in.
I scraped the internet for vacancies and applied for everything somewhat related. Simultaneously an idea popped up to just leave everything behind and go work in the United States. We have family in Seattle and there are a lot of tech companies over there. So I also started to investigate this route. I distributed my chances over as many possibilities as possible. Additionally, some vacancies delivered me an entry assignment. This took up A LOT of time as well since I had to start studying the topics and I wanted to submit quality.
While working on my job/project I tried to focus as much as possible on the tasks that would have a lasting impact on them so that my time and their resources were not spilled for nothing. Additionally, I tried to squeeze as much of my time as possible into programs and knowledge that would stay valuable later on. I learned to work with PowerBI which is a valuable skill to have. The vibe with my manager didn’t improve. I had chosen for myself and tried to position myself as positive and courteous as possible towards the company. Their bad behavior to me should not influence my good behavior toward them.
My study coincided with my job hunt this month. I studied topics related to the vacancies and cannot remember a time I worked so hard. I came home from work and pushed around 4–5 hours a day of extra work. Coming home felt like starting my second job. There was not a minute to spare. I truly went all in. My life was stuck in a trilemma between sleep, sports, and study. But it was impossible to satisfy all of them. This way of working was exciting and I enjoy it, but it is not sustainable. It worked because there was an objective that seemed reachable, although unknown.
After once again a period of resting it was time to stress test my body again. Some of my friends organized a 102km walk for charity. I joined the 101km edition last year and was more or less obliged to join again. I was not sure whether or not it was a good idea to do so, but there was only one way to find out: do it. I would stop if the pain arises in the first half. Lucky me, it did not. The walk went by smoothly and was way easier than last year! A good benchmark for how much my physique has improved over the past year. I ran the last 20km together with my friend and it made me feel like junior David Goggins haha. It was the first sign that I was ready to start training for ultrarunning and that I am passionate about suffering.
Since the walk passed without issues, I was ready to start running again. I had learned my lesson: build up the volume incremental week by week and stretch every time I go running. Don’t rush it. The time being injured does not weigh up against the urge to do something impulsive and without preparation.
I finished and started the year with a banger. We celebrated the year with four friends in a skiing village in France. It felt great to have a break after some of the most intense months of my life. But at the same time, I could not clear my head entirely and focus on being zen. So much going on in my head and so little time. After a couple of days, I finally shifted my thoughts and started enjoying it fully.
However … In the middle of the trip, I fell pretty harshly after taking a jump and my knee got hurt badly. An injury once again :( Since we were there I kept snowboarding the remaining days, to say on a lower level. The injury was very painful and had once again an impact on my inner voice. The previous injury was finally gone and a new one arose. This was not the plan I had envisioned, but I had to take it. It was life giving me an extra challenge and I happily took it.
Sports & mental health:
If I am not able to run, it weighs on my mental resilience and overall happiness
The time being injured does often not weigh up against surpassing a physical boundary (or at least make the calculation!)
If I can’t enjoy my free time and occupy my head during it, it is double worthless time. Enjoy the time I have created to relax and return fully charged afterward
Perseverance & ambition:
Absolutely nothing will stop me from achieving my goals.
You have to make choices in focus areas. You can’t handle everything and keep delivering quality. Quality > quantity.
I am different than most and thus don’t compare myself to “most people”.
Tackle difficult situations head on and don’t be afraid for confrontation.
Personality & human interaction
Other people’s bad behavior cannot influence my “good” behavior, even when they don’t treat me right. Be better!
Don’t let your emotions take control of your actions
No one knows me as well as I know myself
To finish the year with a banger:
“Live the life you love and love the life you live!”
And here the year ends. Once more the title is relevant. “Every end is a new beginning”. I will start 2024 as a complete mystery. No job, no relationship, no boundaries or attachment. Free to do whatever I feel like. Super excited for once again THE BEST YEAR IN MY LIFE.