Lin Yutang once said:

“The problem of modern people is to eat love as a meal and marriage as a snack. There is no failure to live a marriage in the way of love. Therefore, we should turn to eat marriage as a meal and love as a snack.”

In fact, this sentence points out that many people have good feelings when they are in love, but once they touch marriage, there will be all kinds of problems.

Because the essence of marriage is not love, we can compare it to a transaction. To be exact, it is a kind of “value” exchange.

When falling in love, everything depends on feelings. It’s good for two people to be happy, but after marriage, we have to abandon many fantasies and return to reality.

Whether a marriage can go on for a long time depends on whether two people can continue to provide value to each other.

If one party is constantly paying, but the other party takes it for granted, and enjoys the success with peace of mind, over time, it will become a “time bomb” to detonate contradictions.

I once saw a girl’s message backstage. It was very long, and the disappointment in marriage was revealed between the lines.

She fell in love with her husband for two years, and less than a year after marriage, she felt that he had changed.

Before marriage, her husband is the first to respond to any fun things she shares, no matter how late;

After she got married, she didn’t reply to her message in the morning until the afternoon. The most reason when asked was that she was too busy and forgot.

Before marriage, she said she wanted to go out on weekends, so her husband arranged everything immediately;

After getting married, she said that her friend recommended a fun place and asked him if he wanted to go? He said without even looking at it, you must be fine.

Before marriage, she said she didn’t want to be a full-time housewife, and her husband said we shared the family affairs together;

When she got home from work after marriage, she kept cooking, washing clothes and cleaning the room, while he lay on his back on the sofa, brushing videos and laughing, otherwise he would tease the cat and have a good time.

The longer the time, the more grievances and grievances she felt, and the more time they quarreled.

At one of the fiercest quarrels, he blurted out: “how did you become like this? You complain all day. If you knew it was so troublesome to get married, you might as well not get married.”

She was stunned. She didn’t expect that these words would come out of the mouth of a person who had been saying that she would be good to her all her life.

After a long time, she said, “yes, you’re right. It’s better not to get married. There are two people in the family, but why am I the only one who pays, and you take it for granted.”

At the end of the message, she said, “I can finally understand why someone said ‘marriage is really the grave of love’, and I regret it now.”

In fact, I want to say that for those who are unwilling to pay, marriage is indeed a grave, but for those who understand the true meaning of love, marriage is also a paradise of love.

In this world, no one has the obligation to unconditionally loyalty and pay to another person. If you want to get it, you have to exchange it with the payment of the same value, meet each other and take what you need, so as to maintain the long-term and balanced relationship of marriage.

If a person has no exchangeable value, then one of them will accumulate too much disappointment and leave sooner or later.

Don’t think that if you get married, you can do whatever you want. If you don’t know how to manage, no matter how strong love is, it will gradually die out in plain years.

I once watched an emotional video. When my husband came home from work, his wife had prepared dinner. They were all the dishes that my husband loved. They chatted while eating and shared their interesting stories.

After dinner, the husband naturally began to clean up the dishes and chopsticks. He told his wife that he had booked a movie ticket. It was her favorite movie. He asked her to make up and choose clothes, while he went to wash the dishes.

The wife was very happy. After watching the film, she also played two games with her husband, his favorite game. Although the husband is playing the game, he can make complaints about the game, but two faces are full of smiles.

You see, this is the “transaction” completed by two people in the marriage through division of labor and cooperation. One cooks and the other washes the dishes. I accompany you to see your favorite movies and you accompany me to play my favorite games. The feelings of the two people are slowly adding points and entering a more harmonious state.

But in another case, when the husband comes home, he just waits for the meal to come and open his mouth. After dinner, he gets up and leaves like a guest. Then the wife will think why I always cook for you. I’m tired after a busy day.

The husband was also angry and said that it was natural for his wife to cook for him.

Or when they watch movies, the husband doesn’t want to accommodate his wife to watch romantic movies every time, and his wife thinks you should listen to me if you love me. I do so much for you every day. Why can’t you watch a movie I like with me?

It is conceivable that two people will be very unhappy, and the marital relationship will be in a state of score reduction.

Some people may feel that using “trading” to describe feelings is too cold and full of calculation.

But what I want to say is that the cooperation and transaction in marriage is not a cold price and money exchange, but a value exchange between the two sides.

A good marriage relationship must be two-way satisfaction.

Only by continuously satisfying each other and getting what they need, can marriage be maintained in a long-term and stable state.

In fact, many marriages end up broken because one of them only sees his own interests and needs 100% understanding from the other. As long as he does something contrary to his feelings, it will be automatically interpreted as that the other party doesn’t love and has changed.

Some people feel that they don’t pay, but why the other party is getting farther and farther away from themselves. That’s because there is a deviation in the value exchange between the two people. What you give is what you want to give to the other party, not what the other party really wants.

When deviation occurs, the best solution is communication, rather than using emotion and morality to suppress each other like debate.

Blindly limiting each other in the name of love will only push him farther and farther.

Finally, I hope everyone can understand that marriage needs mutual support. Don’t leave each other alone. No one can survive the storm in the desert without mutual love.

And love also needs the management of two people. Don’t be selfish enough to drink the common nectar alone. No one can stand the journey without food and water.

May we all firmly hold each other’s hands and go on for a long time on the day of chicken and dog.