My last album, The Love Umbrella, was fantastic. Fantastic in the sense that it was largely a fantasy, written during a time where I’d already royally fucked things up with the girl it was inspired by. And I didn’t ruin things with her only once, but each time I did it was for the same core reason. This is a story about a few wonderful people that ultimately changed my life, and the importance of writing with periods over commas. This is a story of tying up loose ends.

I met the girl who inspired The Love Umbrella (let’s call her Margaret) during a time where I was still trying to work things out with someone else who’s whole heart I in turn didn’t have because she was caught up on her past lover. Now I knew nearly immediately that Margaret and I were infinitely more compatible. I believe in something I call the big three. Basically, I believe that we all have three things that, above all else, we look for in a partner. Whether it be a good sense of humor, an affinity for physical touch, or a love of the outdoors, we’ll generally settle for someone with one or two of them quite happily. Margaret had an abundance of all three of mine in quantities that outdid anyone I’d ever met. But alas, my heart was unsettled, and I of course had to tell Margaret of the predicament once things started picking up with us. “If you ever find yourself thinking of getting back with her, just tell me.” she would always say. And so one night, I went down the street to her apartment in Hollywood Tower (I lived in Beachwood Canyon at the time) to do exactly that. And it sucked.

To no surprise, within days of the girl’s re-entry into my life, things blew up. Every red flag I’d always known about was hoisted high. But I was at peace with it, knowing for certain that there were serious differences between us that were undeniably fatal to a healthy relationship. So I was back on my own, at least as well as I knew how to be. I had become friends with Margaret, but felt it would be in bad taste to ask for her to give it another chance with me, as I didn’t want her to feel like a second option. And so months went by where we were skin close but never romantic, of me telling her how much I loved her and her telling me I just loved the idea of her (she basically wrote that song for me). Until on a rainy night in the last days of December, sitting with my arms around Margaret on her couch, we kissed for the first time in almost four months.

It was like dropping a match into a keg of gunpowder. There were no hangups, no reservations, we were both free to love as boundlessly as we wanted to. And it was fucking awesome. These were the moments I would go to when I was finishing The Love Umbrella, waking up with her to my side, proudly walking through the housewarming parties Sam and I threw holding her hand cause that was my girl. We half-jokingly got engaged, there was so much love we were swimming in it. Things were real cool, and everyone could see it.

I was on my way back from a snowboarding trip in Big Bear with a few of my buddies when I got a call from Margaret. We had plans that evening to get dinner, and she wasn’t going to be able to make it. As it happens she wasn’t going to be able to make it to dinner any time soon, as she was going to be going away for a couple months to deal with some personal issues, and wouldn’t be able to see me until she left in a few days per the COVID policies enforced by where she was headed. I selfishly thought about how it would effect me, how inconvenient it was for me. She still managed to sneak over to say goodbye, and while we laid in my bed and I held her extra tight she lamented about the possibility of there being other girls in it while she was gone.

Her concerns weren’t unwarranted. In those two months Margaret was away I went on an absolute tear. I partied like crazy. I spent Valentine’s day in a red dress with a girl that I knew had feelings for me but who knew where my feelings were focused. When Margaret came back, again to no surprise, things deteriorated pretty rapidly, and in the hardest way possible: reasonably. No fighting or screaming, just her calmly informing me she wasn’t interested in reconciling whatever it was we had. We spent one more evening out on the town together, but a few days later she doubled down on her decision, we argued, found little resolution, and when I left I cried on the phone with a friend until my head spun parked outside her house.

I was devastated, and the idea of being with anyone else had become pretty unappealing. By this time Valentine’s girl (we’ll call her Kate) had become quite a significant person in my life. She was kind, creative, and weird, and she’d came into town from New Jersey several times in those months to shoot, staying with me when she did.

Kate’s typically quiet, but will speak up when something is bothering her. And the last time she left, she had told me she wanted to just be friends because she was, like everyone else, fully aware of where my heart belonged, and wasn’t interested in being strung along. But it was almost my birthday and since she had a shoot booked a few days after it in LA, she decided to fly in early to be there. Around that time I had told Margaret I was just going to be alone for a while, which I fully intended on and absolutely did not follow through with at all. I ended up letting Kate not only come to my birthday, but stay with me again, falling right back into where we were the last time she came. I knew it was unfair to both of us, but I was torn by the reality that in front of me was this incredible girl that loved me so much, who wanted my heart but didn’t have it, and then there was this girl I’d damaged things with, that had my heart but didn’t want it. I was at odds, not sure how to move forward, trying to find some clarity when an interesting character presented themself in my life.

I was in Venice Beach with some friends when I met a shaman, and when we did a tarot reading, this was the card I pulled.

The Two Clouds of Osho, as the card is called, represents a man caught in an emotional hell, paralyzed by indecision. Indecision caused by holding onto two polarizing choices, neither of which are the right one at the time. The key to freedom, it said, was to let go of both at once, surrender to the free fall. I knew what I had to do, the message couldn’t have been clearer. But I froze. Whether it was fear of being alone, not being able to set boundaries, or just numbness I stayed there with my limbs dangling between the cliffs. And from there, I pieced together the first half of Cherry.

I’ll be rolling this album out in two pieces, sort of like cutting a single book into multiple movies. The Love Umbrella taught me a lot, and one of the coolest things it did was that building out a strong narrative and cinematic arc for an album is compelling and ultimately more timeless than just bundling together a bunch of singles. This will be the most cathartic and transparent body of work I’ll have put out to date, and I want to do it properly.

The energy flow of the album is sort of shaped like a sine wave, it gradually rises and falls, then rises again, with a fairly clear middle point. This was part of what led to the decision to split the release of it up.

Another thing The Love Umbrella taught me was just how much I loved web3. It gave me new avenues of music output, changed my outlook and exposed me to some of my favorite people I’ve been blessed to meet. It led to Good Karma, which I believe will be pivotal for the careers of some amazing artists. And it ultimately led me here. Very soon I’ll be putting out a crowdfund to both officially establish a personal DAO for my musical and associated projects moving forward, and cover the costs associated with putting out a compelling musical composition. As friends like Daniel Allen and Haleek Maul have shown, major labels are no longer the only route to supporting creative endeavors, and web3 opens up completely new doors for community involvement and engagement.

Here’s to the start of something exciting, to growth, to Cherry, and to the people it will bring together. You’re all invited.

-Grady