interesting people have a harder time staying in a relationship with one another because they change more.

in committed, monogamous relationships, it’s important to stay within a certain degree range of difference of your partner. if you and your partner inhabit a 45-, 60-, or 90-degree arc, you share enough in common that you can continually coalesce around values, conversations, and actions that nurture and strengthen the relationship. in those ranges, there is enough room for both individuality and communion. you can cultivate the traits that make you interesting in the first place, while also sharing yourself and a reality with another being – who in turn has the room to be themselves and hone their selfhood.

but when your identities are set further apart than, say, 120 degrees, the greater arc length makes it easier to encounter conflict or stray in different directions. you start finding that you disagree with the other person’s opinions and values, or that you are growing apart. not that such is necessarily a bad thing – we want people to grow into the people of their own healthy choosing – but in terms of maintaining a union it can become antithetical.

folks who have relatively stable and conventional identities move these identity chords less often and less drastically. so when they are in a relationship with someone like themselves, their degree range is closer and steadier; they usually stay within a 45-degree sector. this makes their relationship more stable, as they and their partner are more often, or exclusively, in the same boat.

but those who have protean, peculiar personalities wander further and more often. when paired with one such as they are, even within a hospitable arc, their nature makes them propense to relationship difficulties and uncertainties.

are these insurmountable? no. but it does take intentional, committed effort to be mindful of personal wanderings and to course-correct in such a way that the relationship's arc remains within a hale expanse.

we can explore this further when we discuss orbits.

interesting people have a harder time staying in a relationship with one another because they change more.

in committed, monogamous relationships, it’s important to stay within a certain degree range of difference of your partner. if you and your partner inhabit a 45-, 60-, or 90-degree arc, you share enough in common that you can continually coalesce around values, conversations, and actions that nurture and strengthen the relationship. in those ranges, there is enough room for both individuality and communion. you can cultivate the traits that make you interesting in the first place, while also sharing yourself and a reality with another being – who in turn has the room to be themselves and hone their selfhood.

but when your identities are set further apart than, say, 120 degrees, the greater arc length makes it easier to encounter conflict or stray in different directions. you start finding that you disagree with the other person’s opinions and values, or that you are growing apart. not that such is necessarily a bad thing – we want people to grow into the people of their own healthy choosing – but in terms of maintaining a union it can become antithetical.

folks who have relatively stable and conventional identities move these identity chords less often and less drastically. so when they are in a relationship with someone like themselves, their degree range is closer and steadier; they usually stay within a 45-degree sector. this makes their relationship more stable, as they and their partner are more often, or exclusively, in the same boat.

but those who have protean, peculiar personalities wander further and more often. when paired with one such as they are, even within a hospitable arc, their nature makes them propense to relationship difficulties and uncertainties.

are these insurmountable? no. but it does take intentional, committed effort to be mindful of personal wanderings and to course-correct in such a way that the relationship's arc remains within a hale expanse.

we can explore this further when we discuss orbits.