There are two types of pizza: a frozen and a tasty one. People know that they should buy the second, but in reality they choose the frozen piece of cold ice. Some say we eat a lot because of depression, but you’ll get more depressed just by looking at this icy brick that some marketing genius dared to call ‘edible food’. It’s food alright, the one you mindlessly fill your stomach with and in no time you’re left with a question, ‘Why did I do that’? And nobody, except for you, can truly answer it.
So, do you just prepare a home-made pizza or go to a nice restaurant then? If only it was that easy. You see, humans are the most amazing and mysterious creatures that ever walked the surface of Earth. When an asteroid hit this gigantic space bolder and wiped out dinosaurs, I guess they were pissed because they wouldn’t be able to create fire and turn into Dino sapiens. But if, only if, that very asteroid plummeted into the Earth right now, this very second, what would you think? Can you truly answer this one?
I know for sure that Rob couldn’t do that. This man is the biggest mystery people have ever come across. You see, he had this old junk that many generations ago called ‘a cool car’. You know what it's called? Red Shark, a convertible. The one popularized by a strange movie about two guys going to Las Vegas. Actually, when Rob was a kid, he used to travel a lot with his dad. The old man would jump into this car like he had no weight, Zero-G. And the aviators on his nose with that Hawaiian shirt or a leather jacket. Some men would sell their souls for that, but Rob’s dad only had to take a loan. Thinking about it, what’s the difference?
Rob wasn’t like his father. In fact, if people were to compare them, they wouldn’t find any similarities, any relations. But humans are bad at guessing, even more than that they are terrible at coming to conclusions. If not, casinos would go out of business. They judge the book by its cover, and they forget that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Rob was a silent boy, a bit confused every time his father stopped in the middle of a Nevada desert, mumbling incoherently, ‘This is bat country’. He didn’t get the reference to that strange movie about two ex-hippies, loathing everything about society, that would fall as the Berlin Wall.
But if you were to look into this boy’s soul, into the unknown and alien darkness covering the truth, you would know. You would see something brewing inside him, a huge tree growing from a tiny seed. ‘Honey, how long do I have to wait?’. Did you ask that or was it Rob’s girlfriend? Strange, I think my mind has wandered off again to a distant place no man has ever been before. Let’s put it aside for now, the two are having the best day of their lives, and we are invited.
‘I thought we’re meeting at 7?’, Rob asked.
‘Didn’t you receive my message?’
‘Uh, I just bought a phone yesterday. Haven’t got used to that yet’
‘We must drop at my mother’s house and give food to her parrot, Ronny’
‘Must we?’, Rob asked and exhaled heavily.
Goddammit, I just want to chill and have fun. Feeding the bird on the way to the cinema is not the definition of fun. Hold on, let me check...yep, I thought so. Although, feed and fun start with the same letter. Maybe it’s just a coincidence.
Rob let out a sigh and rushed to his car. Looking around his shoulder, he saw a cozy home. Two floors, a kitchen, a bathroom, a sleeping room and all the time in the world. A perfect house for a perfect family. Was it his? The purple painting on the roof seems a bit rusty, maybe this summer he would do what he hasn’t done in a long time. Rob bit his lips, put on the aviators and tried to jump in his Red Shark, like the old man did. You know what happened? The driver’s door wasn’t tightly shut and as he leaned on it, the door started to move and this sucker said hello to the cold ground. Another coincidence — it was the first time he took the aviators, and he completely broke the glasses. One of those days, huh?
After watching a new comedy with Jim Carey, people started doing unbelievable things. Instead of cheering for the guy, for the director and all the crew, they went on a full rampage. These nerds crushed the movie so hard on IMDB, its rating hit the bottom as hard as the Chicxulub Asteroid. One scientist even said this changed the Earth’s orbit, and now it would inevitably crash into the Sun, with all those self-proclaimed critics. Yeah, they disliked the video so hard, this Brainiac deleted his channel for good. The Earth got back to its place and the world was saved. Those nerds…
‘What do you think about the movie?’, Rob asked.
‘I guess it was alright.’
‘No joke, Jim was the bomb. This guy never loses his cool.’
‘Maybe grab a pizza on our way home?’, she asked.
‘Uhm, yeah, sure. The restaurant should still be open.’
After taking out a big pepperoni pizza, they went straight home. It was already dark, only the cold and alien streetlights with the full Moon were shining on Rob and his girlfriend. She leaned on him and was sleeping. Man, life is kinda cool sometimes. Perhaps you just need to wait for those little-big moments to come. You don’t see the shore because of the fog, but it’s there, just around the corner. What a bittersweet symphony this life. It can sucker punch you or give you a break for Christ’s sake.
It took about 20 minutes to get from downtown to Rob’s house. When the engine stopped, he looked at her sleepy face. At this moment, she didn’t have a care in the world, neither did he. Maybe he just needs to appreciate the moment, live fully in it, and say yes to every opportunity to come. It’s time to grow up and become the man. She needed his support, someone who can stand against the big, crushing waves of the ocean and laugh in its face. Someone who can dream big and achieve big. Someone who…
‘Are we there yet?’, she asked with eyes half open. She slowly looked around and realized they are in front of Rob’s house. ‘You didn’t wake me up.’
‘You were so sweet, I couldn’t do a thing.’
‘Wow, you’re so charming today. Come on, let’s go inside and get the equipment.’
By this, she meant a telescope. If Rob was known for something, it was the space enthusiasm. He was always thirsty for other planets, distant stars, new civilizations. This guy alone discovered a few hundred asteroids and called them bad names. The Space Community was so outraged they didn’t do a thing. A newspaper said these guys condemned Rob’s actions, but who actually cares? Nobody reads that stuff, even old people. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
‘I think my ultra-smartphone starts lagging even when I just want to virtually visit the Moon’, Rob complained.
Everybody knows, everything that was cool yesterday is so outdated now. Man, the guys who bought a new iPhone 20 Max Gold SE Bro XR Lite Limited Edition are way ahead of him. A small step ahead, you know. Two more pixels, one less hour of battery life, and two years of credit debt. I mean, these are the days to live. Those nerds and critics who cannot stand a new movie with an honest and respected actor are buying their place in line for a new iPhone that comes out every day. The main reason of having one of the Apple’s products is to show you can afford it. Those snobs see an Android in your hands and go, ‘Man, what a poor bastard. Must be tough living without owing to the bank’. They eat corporate and marketing BS like the frozen pizza, thinking it would elevate them above the other people. Think again because it only elevates the salaries of those top managers and CEOs. You’re missing on a good and tasty pizza Rob and his girlfriend are going to eat now.
‘Do you think there is life on other planets?’, she asked, and sat on the garden bench. Rob was fixing the telescope.
‘I bet there is. They look at us through their big scopes and laugh at how small and boring we are.’
‘What’s so boring about people?’
‘You know, they create big problems out of a thin air. When the first group of settlers went to Mars, I thought humans would recognize their power to create something meaningful, something beautiful. In the end, nations are at each other’s throats because someone dropped the F-bomb. If I were a President, I would give out a big pizza to everyone, even cats and dogs.’
Rob’s girlfriend looked at him for a moment, then took a big slice of pizza. It was still hot because they paid extra for a thermo package. She still remembered the stories about some device called microwave. It was good to warm your food up, but it didn’t have the same fresh taste. It was artificially made warmer, although back then people believed a lot was natural. Of course, they had some concerns about dairy food or the meat quality. Now it isn’t like in the old days. You can order a sweet burger or salty chocolate from a lab. It has all the nutrients you need to be productive throughout the day. And it’s so cheap the prices are almost criminal. Buy it now or regret later. At least this is what the ads say.
‘By the way,’ Rob said, ‘Do you remember Winnie? I checked his social media, and he seems to have moved to that planet he always talked about.’
‘Really? He always lived with his parents and had problems with jobs. I thought it was just a good thing to dream about and run away from his issues. Did you ask him how he’s done it?
‘Yeah, he was hitchhiking and doing some small jobs on spaceships. Now he thinks about building a network tower because the Internet there is bad, and the space lag doesn’t help at all’
‘Space lag?’, she asked.
‘You know, even light needs some time to travel from one place to the other. Haha, want a joke? Every time he starts watching a stream, he writes first comment after the stream has already ended.’
‘What a loser’
‘Actually, I’m a bit jealous. Not knowing what lies ahead, not having the smallest clue about the things waiting around the corner. He would tell so much to his doctor, and the chronic diseases wouldn’t be on the list’
‘And you haven’t travelled that much.’
‘Yeah, this is what sucks the most.’
At this moment, Rob’s face turned white as he was watching through the telescope. Did he see another asteroid, was it the perfect time to think about a bad name? No, it was something bigger — a star was blinking. Can you imagine this? Have you ever looked at the night sky and seen there a blinking star? What is it, a UFO or satellite? Maybe this is a call, the moment every one was waiting for. To fulfill the destiny and become the greatest hero. All the movies, all the comic books and coaches saying you were born for something bigger. Now is the perfect time to rip your shirt and scream at the top of your lungs, ‘Where is my laggy phone I’ve just bought yesterday, Goddammit?!’
‘Here it is, the battery is almost dead after 30 minutes of charging. You should definitely think about buying a new ultra-duper smartphone. I heard Apple released a new iPhone. They almost give it away if you also buy another. This helps when one of them is dead.’
‘What a load of three-ring circus bul…!’, Rob almost cried in despair when he took the phone and saw the ‘1%’ charge. The moment when you need it the most, your phone gives up on you and everything in life. It takes the coward’s way out, and you are a witness. He opened the camera app and pointed the almost-dead ultra-smartphone at the sky.
Man, you had to see his face that moment. It seemed that everything in his life led to this, and some dysfunctional tech piece flips the bird at you. You could say this was the last straw and Rob wouldn’t allow himself to stay a voiceless camel anymore. Everything will change — no more fear about bank loans, job loss, hypocrites laughing in your face like you deserve this, smiley faces at your failures, big and small.
‘I think it’s a Morse code,’ said Rob, as though someone else talked from his body. The voice was strong, willful and powerful. The voice that knows what to do and how to do it. He opened the translator and pointed it at the blinking star.
After standing still for a minute, Rob silently set on cold grass and said to himself, ‘I don’t understand. Is the translator also broken?’
‘What does it say?’
‘Some gibberish: The best pizza in the whole Universe. What, aliens selling us some food? I thought it would be more meaningful, like Come and join us, fellow earthers. Sure, it would’ve been foolish of me to think those green bastards speak in perfect English or that they know perfectly Morse code.’
‘What will you do now?’
‘I guess I’ll post the video and ask other space guys. Someone must know the answers. I’m sure it’s not just a coincidence right now. There are aliens and no matter what they’re up to, selling us pizza or conquering us, the world needs to see this.’
Yeah, you can definitely say Rob’s girlfriend wasn’t impressed by this grandiose speech. She was looking at him as though Rob was some crazy maniac. She was asking herself, ‘Maybe he hit his head? Head injury?’.
‘Honey, let’s go to bed. It’s too late, and I don’t think you can do anything else. We will see what others think in the morning, okay?’, she asked.
Not able to respond, Rob let out a deep sigh and headed towards home and, eventually, bed. It’s like with the lottery — you have all the correct numbers except the last one. Do you cry or shrug it off? The answer doesn’t matter that much because in the morning there was a knock on the door. The knock that would change everything. It wasn’t a postman or the parrot Ronny, that I can tell you for sure.