The main conference hall of TechWave Miami had been transformed overnight into what the event planner's Pinterest board had labeled "Techno-Futuristic Dreamscape." In reality, it looked like what would happen if TRON had a one-night stand with a Miami nightclub and neither of them called each other afterward. Blue laser lights crisscrossed the ceiling. The stage featured an unnecessary fog machine. The words "TECHWAVE 2025: RIDING THE FUTURE" hovered in augmented reality above the audience's heads, occasionally glitching to read "RID G T E FU URE."
Aria slipped into a seat near the back, laptop balanced on her knees. She hadn't bothered attending the pre-keynote networking breakfast, opting instead for an extra hour of coding and a questionable energy drink from the hotel vending machine. The hackathon wouldn't start until after lunch, but every minute of preparation counted.
"Good spot," came a voice to her right. Elena Rodriguez settled into the adjacent seat, looking considerably more polished than she had the previous evening. "Great sight lines to the emergency exits when the inevitable technical difficulties strike."
"Is that likely?" Aria asked, saving her work.
"It's a tech conference. The only thing more reliable than technical difficulties is men interrupting women during Q&A." Elena arranged her recruiting materials on her lap. "You should have seen last year. The holographic presenter crashed and kept repeating 'Initiating digital transformation' while slowly sinking into the stage floor."
"At least it was on theme."
The lights dimmed, saving Elena from having to respond. A voice boomed through the speakers with the exaggerated gravity usually reserved for monster truck rallies.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE... YOUR TECHWAVE 2025 MASTER OF CEREMONIES... DR. SAMUEL KLEIN!"
The audience's polite applause was undercut by the sound of several hundred people simultaneously checking their phones. Dr. Klein strode onto the stage looking like someone who had aged a decade overnight but had valiantly attempted to hide it with a fresh shirt and an industrial quantity of eye drops.
"Welcome, innovators, disruptors, and future-makers!" he announced with practiced enthusiasm that didn't quite reach his eyes. "We have an incredible lineup of speakers ready to share their visions of tomorrow, beginning with our headline keynote. But first—"
A notification sound echoed through the hall's speakers—clearly someone's laptop was connected to the audio system. Dr. Klein's smile froze as he glanced offstage.
"But first, a quick word from our sponsors," he recovered smoothly, gesturing to the screen behind him.
A rapid-fire montage began of logos and slogans, each accompanied by buzzwords that had long since been drained of meaning through overuse: "Innovative." "Revolutionary." "AI-Powered." "Blockchain-Enabled." "Quantum-Adjacent."
Elena leaned over. "I've created a drinking game for this. One sip for every meaningless tech buzzword, two for any mention of 'disruption,' and finish your drink if someone says 'we're like Uber but for...'"
"I'd be unconscious before the first speaker," Aria whispered back.
The sponsor reel mercifully ended, and Dr. Klein returned to center stage.
"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. Please welcome the visionary founder and CEO of BlockChainges, a man who is quite literally changing the future of blockchain... Zain Rajesh!"
The audience applauded with slightly more enthusiasm as Zain bounded onto the stage with the practiced confidence of someone who had watched too many Steve Jobs keynote videos. He wore a perfectly tailored charcoal suit over a black t-shirt—the universal uniform of tech executives trying to split the difference between "serious business leader" and "I'm still cool enough to code."
"Good morning, TechWave!" he greeted, his voice betraying none of the panic Aria had witnessed yesterday. "Who's ready to ride the future?"
The audience responded with the tepid cheering of people who were mostly there for the free coffee and career advancement opportunities.
"That's what I like to hear!" Zain continued undeterred. "You know, when I founded BlockChainges three years ago, people said I was crazy. 'Another blockchain company?' they asked. 'Isn't that market saturated?' But I knew something they didn't..."
As he launched into his origin story—complete with the requisite garage, doubtful investors, and moment of inspiration while doing something mundane—Aria discreetly pulled up the BlockChainges website on her laptop. While Zain talked about "revolutionizing decentralized identity verification," she was more interested in the rumors about their security vulnerabilities.
Behind her, Jack Thompson was livestreaming from the back row, whispering commentary to his followers. "The vibe in here is ELECTRIC, tech squad! Zain Rajesh dropping KNOWLEDGE BOMBS all over this keynote!"
On stage, Zain had reached the product demonstration portion of his talk. "And now, I'd like to show you BlockChainges in action. With just three taps, I can securely authenticate my identity across any participating platform, without ever exposing my personal data."
He tapped his phone, and the large screen behind him showed the BlockChainges interface. "As you can see, the authentication request is being processed through our proprietary blockchain protocol..."
The progress spinner on the screen spun. And spun. And continued spinning.
Zain's smile remained fixed in place. "Just a moment while we... ride the future." A weak chuckle rippled through the audience.
Still spinning.
Dr. Klein hovered anxiously at the edge of the stage. The tech team frantically worked at their computers.
"While we're waiting for the future to arrive," Zain attempted to joke, "let me tell you about our impressive growth metrics..."
A notification suddenly appeared on the giant screen:
DEBUG: Authorization failed - No valid auth token
DEBUG: Attempting fallback authentication...
DEBUG: Warning: Exposing user database at endpoint /api/v1/users/all
The blood drained from Zain's face so quickly Aria thought he might pass out on stage. With impressive reflexes, he stepped directly in front of the projection, blocking part of the error message with his body while continuing to speak.
"As you can see, our transparent approach to development means we're not afraid to show the real process of innovation, including, uh, debugging in real-time!"
The tech team finally managed to cut the projection. Zain, to his credit, recovered with the resilience of someone who had pitched to hostile VCs many times before.
"That, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly the kind of legacy authentication problem that BlockChainges solves. Now imagine a world where those error messages are a thing of the past!"
He pivoted smoothly into his funding announcement, revealing that BlockChainges had secured a Series B round of $75 million. The audience dutifully applauded, though Aria noticed several people in the front row—presumably the investors—exchanging concerned glances.
"And now, as a special thank you to everyone attending my keynote," Zain announced as he neared his conclusion, "I have a gift for all of you under your seats!"
Aria reached beneath her chair and pulled out a sealed package. Around her, everyone was doing the same. She tore it open to find a black t-shirt with the BlockChainges logo and the slogan "CHANGE THE CHAIN, CHAIN THE CHANGE."
"A free shirt, just what I needed," Elena muttered. "I'll add it to my collection of tech shirts I use for painting the apartment."
Up on stage, Zain was wrapping up with a well-rehearsed call to action. "Join us in riding the future, one block at a time! Visit our booth in the expo hall for a personal demonstration. Thank you, TechWave!"
The audience applauded as Zain exited the stage, his confident smile never wavering even as Dr. Klein hurried after him, looking concerned.
"Well, that was something," said Elena, stuffing her shirt into her bag. "Did you see the error message? I thought he was going to faint."
"Definitely not part of the rehearsed demo," Aria agreed, closing her laptop. She stood up, ready to head to the hackathon area. "Speaking of demonstrations, I should get set up for the hackathon."
"Good luck," Elena said. "May the odds of the suspiciously pre-determined judging be ever in your favor."
As the crowd dispersed, Aria noticed Zain in an intense conversation with a small group of men in expensive suits—presumably the investors who had just committed $75 million to a platform whose security was questionable at best. Judging by their expressions, the conversation wasn't going well.
Zain managed to maintain his smile until he was safely behind the curtain at the side of the stage, where it immediately collapsed into an expression of pure panic.
"Tell me that didn't just happen," he hissed at his CTO, who had the decency to look mortified. "Tell me we didn't just display our entire authentication vulnerability to a room full of tech journalists, competitors, and our INVESTORS."
"It wasn't the entire vulnerability," the CTO offered weakly. "Just... the existence of it."
"Fix it. Now. Not tomorrow, not in an hour. NOW." Zain loosened his collar, feeling like he might hyperventilate. "The investors want to meet immediately, and if I can't tell them this is resolved, we're dead in the water."
"We're on it," the CTO promised, already typing frantically on his phone. "The team's been working all night. We've almost got it patched."
"Almost isn't good enough!" Zain snapped, then immediately regretted his tone. He took a deep breath. "Sorry. Just... please. Everything's riding on this."
The CTO nodded and hurried off, leaving Zain alone with his thoughts. He had twenty minutes before meeting the investors, twenty minutes to come up with a plausible explanation for what they'd just witnessed. He paced the green room, rehearsing various spins on the incident.
A knock at the door interrupted his mental gymnastics.
"Mr. Rajesh?" A conference volunteer poked their head in. "We have your speaker gift package."
The volunteer entered, carrying a large gift bag emblazoned with the TechWave logo. "This includes your honorarium, a thank you letter from the conference committee, and of course, your official TechWave speaker shirt."
She pulled out a massive black t-shirt that unfolded to reveal a 2XL size with "TECHWAVE 2025: RIDING THE FUTURE" across the chest.
"I, uh, don't think this is my size," Zain said, momentarily distracted from his crisis.
"It's our special speaker size," the volunteer explained cheerfully. "Dr. Klein specifically selects these for our VIP speakers. He said it's because 'big ideas deserve big shirts.'"
Under normal circumstances, Zain might have laughed or politely declined. But at that moment, with his company's future hanging in the balance, the oversized t-shirt seemed like the least of his problems.
"Thanks," he said distractedly, taking the shirt and draping it over a chair. His phone buzzed with a text from his lead investor: "War room. Now."
Zain straightened his suit jacket, put on his game face, and headed out to face the music. As the door closed behind him, the air conditioning vent above blew the oversized t-shirt off the chair, leaving it in a crumpled heap on the floor—much like Zain's hopes for a smooth funding announcement.
Aria made her way to the hackathon area, mentally reviewing her project plan. The space was already filling with developers setting up workstations, the air thick with the scent of coffee and the sound of clicking keyboards.
As she found her assigned table, a notification popped up on her phone—a message from a name she didn't recognize:
"Saw BlockChainges demo fail. Not an accident. Check the API yourself. User data exposed. Someone should do something about that."
Aria stared at the message, then glanced across the room where Jack Thompson was now interviewing Zain, who had somehow managed to resurrect his camera-ready smile. The livestream was undoubtedly being watched by thousands.
She looked back at the message, fingers hovering over her keyboard. The hackathon was starting in fifteen minutes. This was her big chance to make a name for herself with her neural interface project.
But if what the message claimed was true, thousands of users' personal data was currently exposed. And based on the error she'd seen during the keynote, it seemed entirely possible.
The hackathon coordinator rang the starting bell. Around her, developers began furiously typing, launching into their projects.
Aria hesitated for just a moment longer, then opened a new terminal window.
Sometimes the project you plan isn't the project you need to build.
Want to catch up on The Long Hack before the final chapter drops tomorrow? Sunday is a great day to chill and do some light reading :) What is The Long Hack: This satirical short story follows the interconnected lives at crypto's biggest conference—a world where Silicon Valley ambition collides with "The White Lotus" absurdity. Through the eyes of security specialists, VCs, recruiters, and the conference coordinator holding it all together, we explore the beautiful chaos where million-dollar deals happen over bathroom breaks and real innovation emerges from accidental partnerships.RetryClaude can make mistakes. Please double-check responses. Hosted on @paragraph you can find each chapter below:
https://paragraph.com/@ladymerkle/the-long-hack-chapter-1-badge-of-dishonor
https://paragraph.com/@ladymerkle/the-long-hack-chapter-2-keynote-catastrophe
https://paragraph.com/@ladymerkle/the-long-hack-chapter-3-the-venture-capitalist-inquisition
Dearest degens, Keynote time. You know these moments make or break careers, or worse; your on-chain builder score. Will Zain pull this off or is something about to go dooooowwnnn? Grab your popcorn and HODL tight—this presentation might just crash harder than your 2022 portfolio. Chapter 2 - "Keynote Catastrophe" has dropped on-chain. https://paragraph.com/@ladymerkle/the-long-hack-chapter-2-keynote-catastrophe
wanna catch up on Chapter 1? https://paragraph.com/@ladymerkle/the-long-hack-chapter-1-badge-of-dishonor
Keep it coming!! These are great!
4 more chapters to go!