Nightmare, I was trapped, couldn't find a way out. I was seeking, seeking a light that could lead me home, a warm orange light. I looked around, seemed like I was in the deep forest, in thick fog, those trees were incredibly tall and chill, they could fall and flatten me into the dirt. I was freezing here like losing my whole blood. I ran, ran, and ran away. It's endless, lost. I found nothing here.

At the edge of the emptiness, the sorrow suddenly drowned me. I couldn’t fight back but gave up on myself. I realized nothing belonged to me, I belonged to nowhere. How sad it is.

Since I could feel the time past, I had noticed that a new Me was born every second. They fought each other for survival. In this present, I could see all "Me" at the same time, dead and living. But I hated them, all of them.

That one is dumb, that one is desperate, that one is naive, that one is struggling and weak, that one is smart and avoidant, that one is trying to ruin everything, that one is asking for love from everyone, that one is a genius, that one is dreaming to change the gender, that one never talk, and that one is always laughing out loud and trying to make everyone happy but itself...

None of them were being created willingly. They had no choice.

I couldn't help but ask myself, is there any possibility that I can create "The One" that I love? I was thinking and wandering around, then something stopped me.

Ahhh an invisible wall was there. I tried every way, but nothing worked. I thought I would be stuck in here forever until I heard a voice.

"L..."

And the next second, I saw a light shooting inside, my inner world had never been brighter like this.

"Wake up, L. Try to open your eyes."

What a beautiful voice. I took a deep breath and smelled the daisy again.

And suddenly the wall was gone, I saw the real world finally - pink daisies were all around me.

"Morning sunshine. You had a nightmare I guess."

It’s Tina.

Her kisses fell on my eyelids. So warm and soft, like morning dewdrops. She pulled me up. My nose barely hit her pink cheek.

I don’t know why, but I think I was holding my breath for a minute. My heart could jump out of my chest. Weird thing, I never wanted to come closer to someone, but why my sight just can't leave her alone?

I was getting anxious about the silence, I had to say something.

"Why pink daisies all around the room? You love these flowers so much?"

I finally asked this question. I looked at her like the world was frozen. But I had a clear sense of everything…

Why did my heartbeat barely stop?

Why my sight was chasing her lips?

Why all the voices were fading away, just her breath?

It happened so fast like the drowning man needs air, I needed her so badly.

She locked eyes with mine.

"Pink Daisy - pure love that you can't tell, wanna touch you but cannot reach out, dreaming of you my whole life but will never show out." Tina whispered.

“That's how I feel about you, L.“

Her words took away my breath. I was touched, really, deep inside my soul. I had never experienced such strong feelings that could crush me down.

I couldn't say a word. My vision became hazy, warm flow washing by.

Everything was out of control now.

How could a broken thing deserve such pure love?

My panic attacked. I pushed her away like always.

But this time, I felt something stabbed into my heart, a voice screaming to me "You're being foolish to do that."

My body was shaking. I didn't know what had happened to me. I just wanna run as far as I could, so I did not need to deal with these strange feelings.

I escaped to Bette's room and woke her up.

"Hey babe..."

Bette turned around and put her arms around my neck.

The funny thing is, every time, no matter how deeply she sleeps, she always reacts to my voice.

I'm sure she didn't wake up now. But her hands are waving in the air searching my face.

I came closer to her. Finally, she griped my cheek, pulled me over, put her face against mine, and smelled me.

"Mom...morning."

This cute little thing can't even open her eyes. I couldn't help but kiss all over her face. I don't know where this intimacy came from. Tina gave us a DNA test secretly, she's not my biology daughter. And I don't have any memory about this body, don't know her past. But whatever, I still love her.

Wait...love? I...I love her? I can't believe I used this word unconsciously.

I never said Love to anyone. Love is not my thing, I was so numb and cold. Although Carol always said I was soft inside, I didn't believe it. If I were a warm person, I would not suicide in front of her, I wouldn't hurt her like that.

I still think about Carol from time to time, her face, her hair, her body, her voice, her eyes - no one looked at me the way she did, she was looking into my deep soul, trying to find the evidence to prove I love her. But all she could see was just a black hole devouring all her energy.

"Mom. Mom!! You haven't given me a good morning kiss yet."

Bette’s sound brought me back.

"I already did, my sugar pie." I laughed.

Why was she so cute like a spoiled kitten?

I held her hand to the bathroom taking a morning shower together and then went to the kitchen, Tina already made breakfast for us.

I sat down and couldn't look into Tina's eyes. Every time she touched me unintentionally, my body trembled.

What's wrong with me?

My throat was dry. I couldn't count how many cups of juice I drank.

I could smell her everywhere, OMG! It drove me crazy.

"I will drive Bette to school from now on."

I swallowed the last piece of the sandwich, griped Bette's school bag, and rushed out of the house. I was like a clown now. Ashamed of me.

"Mom, wait, you left me behind! I haven't got into the car yet."

Damm, I saw Tina smile. I was so embarrassed. Bette was super excited though. My first ride with her, and only two of us.

”Mom, Mom, Mom!!! I love you. Love you, love you, love you!”

Bette was thrilled, like won a big prize.

“I love you so much, mom. You're the best person in my world. I love you forever.“

I laughed out loud and couldn't catch my breath. She’s so cute!!!

"Okay babe, please don't jump up and down in your seat, be safe, my bunny."

It was my first time feeling completely relieved. I didn’t know why, but all those burdens disappeared.

Totally relaxed at this moment.

"Mom, I love you!!!"

Bette said it out loud beside my ear.

Should I say it back to her? That's why she kept saying it?

I paused the car, turned around, and held her face like treasure.

"Love you, Bette. Not because you're my daughter, but it's you. I love who you are."

Instantly, her eyelashes were getting wet. I could see my face inside her eyes, so peaceful.

"You're so special to me. Not just in this life but in all my lives."

I couldn't believe I would say these words, they just came out of my mouth without any hesitation.

“ I love you, Bette.“

At that moment, I was so sure I loved her and will always love her.

But unexpectedly, Bette cried out loud, tears full down her face, like the air was pulled out from her lungs, she barely breathe, I had never seen her like this before. Trembling, huddled up, like something tearing her up from inside, she screamed, like those people who were burning in fire.

She crawled to the front seat, and hugged me tightly, like gonna melt me into her body, she bit my shoulder so hard, I was bleeding, we were both in pain.

I felt more compassion for her then, such a good kid. Why had she never been treated well?

I just held her tight, we were in a crowded street, people were watching us like watching a drama show, and someone even called the police.

We didn't say anything until I dropped her off at the school. I watched her back as she walked into the building slowly.

"Love you, Bette. I love you."

I said it out loud, I didn't know why I was doing that, everyone turned around and looked at me. So embarrassing.

But I felt proud of myself, I was so grateful that I was able to love someone. It felt so wonderful that you have someone in your heart, that fulfillment. You were not alone in this world anymore, you were complete.

But Bette didn't turn around, instead, she rushed into the classroom. And since then, she hasn't talked to me and avoided me when I picked her up.

I was so confused.

"Babe, can I get a cuddle?"

I stood in front of her. I couldn’t stand her insulation anymore.

Bette even won't head up and look at me. She slid into her room and kept the door locked.

I was so worried. Did I do something wrong?

I knocked on her door lightly.

"Bette, I am always here. You can come to me anytime."

I was hoping she would run into my arms. But the truth was, no response, nothing, it was so silent there.

I left and felt a little bit upset.

Why?

Was she ashamed of me letting everyone know that I love her?

It's unfair. I finally figured out such an important thing - what love is. Why I didn't get anything in return?

I went out of the house and sat in the shadow of the sun. I was looking at the cloud floating by.

Why?

I began to doubt myself.

Did it fade away already? - That love.

Was that just a feeling, an instant emotion, not something real?

My hand was shaking, the wine was all spilled out.

What if that’s it?!! End of the story now?

Then what about my love? Do I still love Bette?

What if Bette keeps rejecting me, will I still love her?

The gardener was smiling. Damm was he laughing at me?

I was getting mad thinking about all this. I threw it away - my wine bottle.

What’s wrong with me?

I wanna bury myself in the dirt.

Why? Why???

I kept thinking about Bette. From the first time we met, until now we have loved each other.

I couldn't tell what kind of love is it, I just knew I love her. She needs me, right?

But why she didn't wanna see me?