Marriage is a legally binding contract between you, your partner, and the government. By getting married, you are perpetuating an archaic paradigm where women are men's property and marriage is a business agreement between families which aims to provide women with shelter and protection in exchange for their womb and their autonomy, bodily and otherwise. By getting married, you are inviting the oppressor into your personal affairs and sex life. You are voluntarily participating in one of its many systems of regulation, surveillance, and control, and for what reason?

I was raised with the expectation that I would someday marry a nice Jewish boy and have a nice Jewish wedding and a couple of nice Jewish kids, but from an early age I knew that I wanted none of those things. Still, the societal and familial pressure was so great that I second-guessed myself, I tried in vain to mold my understanding of myself into a shape that would fit the slot in society designated for me. I suspect there are many people out there with similar stories, some who may not even be aware of this self-manipulation. If you’re considering getting married, ask yourself why, and fully examine what it is you’re considering and whether or not it’s in your personal best interests. 

In the US and other americanized nations, there are a few possible answers to this question, most of which are invalid, and many of which are socially unacceptable to address directly. The practical reasons (supposed tax benefits, rights involving estates and medical care, health insurance, etc.) are the most legitimate, but this is just a reflection of the injustice of government overreach and the dysfunction of our societal systems. While some couples may save money by filing a joint tax return, not everyone will. Even if they do, the government is only “rewarding” them for their compliance—for choosing to be a cog in their machine. 

In some states as well as foreign countries, unmarried partners are not allowed to visit each other in the hospital or to make medical decisions on their behalf. They also may be denied access to their partner’s money and belongings in the event of their death. While laws regarding “domestic partnerships” vary, in many cases there are ways to achieve legal security regarding these issues should you desire it, although you will find very few resources towards this end, as the government and the culture does not wish to help you subvert itself. 

Perhaps the most common reason for getting married is “because it’s just what you do.” It makes you seem normal. To many, getting married is viewed as a huge accomplishment, maybe the biggest they’ll ever have if they have nothing else going for them in their life. They believe convincing someone (anyone) to marry them will prove to their highschool bullies that they’re not, in fact, an unfuckable loser with nothing to offer. (It does not.)

In getting married, many are engaging with the false belief that this will make the other person stay with them and stay monogamous to them. While being married will make it more difficult to split up, half of marriages fail, and the divorce rate only increases with each additional failed marriage (as it also does when one’s number of sexual partners increases.)

Monogamy and marriage are not necessarily related. Many married couples are non-monogamous, whether that be ethical non-monogamy or, more commonly, unethical non-monogamy (i.e. cheating.) Many unmarried couples are monogamous, and many are not. It's up to you and your partner to determine what the rules of the relationship are, and if you think you need to get married to stop yourself from breaking those rules, you should not get married. 

Another extremely common reason for getting married is to make the dumb bitch shut up. Most women are made to believe that being married and having a wedding are incredibly important, while most men have no actual interest in either of the two. This conflict is usually resolved by the man reluctantly agreeing, since it seems to be easier than breaking up, but this will actually make things much more difficult a few years down the road when the mismatch reaches its inevitable conclusion.

It is not a good idea to get married just because you want some free jewelry and a party where people pay attention to you and act like you’re beautiful and important. You’re probably not beautiful or important and you probably can’t afford it. Also, buy your own jewelry. You’ll pick out something you like better anyway. A lifetime of unfulfilling sex and petty quarrels with a man who is “good enough” really isn’t worth it just for a shiny rock. 

If you want to “celebrate your love,” there are many ways of doing this, none of which involve a legally binding contract or an obscenely expensive party. What are you trying to prove and who are you trying to prove it to? Don’t you know that the people who are most publicly “in love” are the most unhappy in their relationships?

The religious aspect of marriage is something that frequently goes unexamined but is still very relevant. Most Americans aren’t religious, or at least not religious enough to be viewing marriage through this lens. It is not uncommon for couples to find themselves participating in religious traditions which are not actually in line with either party’s personal religious beliefs or values when it comes time to tie the knot. Not only are you binding yourself to your partner, you’re binding yourself to the government and some religious organization you may not even support. 

Marriages and weddings are two separate concepts, but to most modern Americans you cannot have one without the other. The existence of the capital w “Wedding Industry” is a relatively modern phenomenon—a psyop enacted by corporate forces of various sectors which profit handsomely from its acceptance and perpetuation. Diamonds are just overpriced rocks that women have been brainwashed into desiring by a very effective marketing campaign dating back to the 1930’s—an artifact of consumer-pilled western culture. The Wedding Industry tells women that their wedding day is the most important day in their life—that they are a princess and not only deserve but are entitled to a fairytale wedding far beyond the means of almost everyone. 

Because this is the most important day in their life, brides are made to feel at the same time deserving and undeserving. Once they have successfully manipulated a man into proposing to them, they must spend the majority of their time and energy planning and preparing for the big event. They are made to feel too ugly and too fat, lowering their vibration and encouraging further low-frequency thoughts and behaviors (ultimately, spending and complacency.) You must suffer, and you must make yourself beautiful, and you must spend money you do not have, and you must not think about anything worthwhile, including whether or not getting married to this man or to any man at all is something that you actually want. 

It is customary for the bride's family to pay for the wedding—and how could daddy not fork over the cash when, after all, this is the most important day of his daughter's life? He would be a failure as a man and a father if he doesn't, and his little girl may never love him again. Love is already a high stakes matter, and when you add in this element of societal pressure and prestige it is easy to see how sinister forces can manipulate us into compliance and conformity. 

Weddings and marriages are expensive in many ways: the engagement ring, the wedding, the couples counseling, the divorce attorney, etc. The traditional type of dating (going out somewhere nice where the man pays) is training for the transactional nature of most couplings. It primes you to be complicit and to form relationships that lack substance but fit the prescribed model. It’s the first step in the dating→engaged→loveless marriage→white picket fence pipeline, which in turn feeds the dog and two kids→divorce→subsequent marriages pipeline. At every step, others profit when you suffer.  

There are many entities which benefit from you being unhappy and unfulfilled in your relationships. Real love uplifts us and strong interpersonal connections give us power in a way that is threatening to those who wish to control us and take us for all we’re worth, monetarily or otherwise. 

You can have a marriage without a party. You can have a party without a marriage. You can have literally whatever you want in a partnership, if you know what it is you want and you communicate this clearly. Consider whether you really want to be married, or whether you only want it because you have been conditioned to want it—because your peers are doing it, and so you must also, or your relationship is somehow less valid.  

As more people fail to find permanent pairings in our loveless yet oversexualized modern world, society will inevitably seek refuge in a return to religion and traditional values through the lens of a post-internet era. "Cottage-core" and "tradwives" are just a taste of what's to come as culture overcorrects itself. This could have net societal benefits, as marriage rates do correlate with the overall well-being of a society, but it's unlikely to be the act of marriage itself, as much as it is the act of commitment and collaboration between people who love and respect each other. 

Don't let the government or our capitalist overlords determine the trajectory of your life and your relationships, or at least don't let yourself think it was your idea.