reflecting on acceptance and denial of mortality
There is this incredible scene in the third act of Doctor Strange. The Ancient One, a sorcerer supreme who has been around for nearly 700 years, is fatally wounded. She knows her time is up, because as someone with the ability to peer into her future, this is a point she cannot see beyond. She slows down time momentarily as her astral form floats outside the building. Strange, who joins her outside, expresses that he does not feel ready to face the reality without her. To which she responds “No one ever is. We don’t get to choose our time”. She then softly holds his hand and says:
Death is what gives life meaning. To know your days are numbered. Your time is short.
You’d think after all this time, I’d be ready. But look at me. Stretching one moment out into a thousand… just so that I can watch the snow.
She then quietly disappears. I think about these emotions, from a comic book superhero movie, a lot. It very somberly reflects the two sides of mortality that I deeply think about and often struggle with. On one hand, we are very much aware of the fragility of life and how those around us will not be around for long. At the same time, we do our best to suppress that thought so we can cherish the fleeting moments we have got.
This somber feeling is the heaviest when I think about my parents. I very clearly remember the day when I realized that I don’t have a lot of time left with them. If things continue the way they are, I have spent nearly 90% of all the time I will ever get to spend with them and I am at the tail end of what’s left. The realization set in when I read this sobering piece from Tim Urban. Since then, I am doing my best to do all I can to spend more quality time with them and other people I love.
Deep down, however, I know it will never be enough. No matter how much time I spend with them, I will never be ready to let them go, even though I know it’s inevitable. I will do all I can to stretch every moment into a thousand, just so that I can watch the snow…with them.
