Today's study is 『Human Relationship Matrix』 by Ken Honda san's book.
https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/B00EXODB2I/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Once upon a time, there lived an Alice aged 3.
She noticed that ”wow there are 4 types of people in the world. Spade, Heart, Diamond, and Club！”
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Spade ♠ people are standing on the Top, Negative mind.
Perfectionist
Trying to make sure things get done certainly （having an impression of being somewhat cold because of that）
Goal-mind
Steady results when you decide to do it （willing to intimidate and control those around them to do so）
Thinking “I am competent”, so the other person looks incompetent
Always irritable
Heart ♥ people are sitting on the Top, Positive mind.
Positive, Cheerful, and Energetic
Willing to solve problems by oneself
Don't whine
As soon as you set a goal, you act on it
Strong ability to get people involved
Being an annoying men/women
Don’t consider others feeling
Always smile
Diamond ▼ people are standing on the Floor, Negative mind.
Sensitive
Deeply empathize with others
Good at finding problems （having the makings of a counselor）
Seeing the negative side of things
Worrying and complaining about the past
Liking Heart ♥ people
Backward and shy
Club ♣ people are sitting on the Floor, Positive mind.
Calm and comfy
Talent for relaxing those around people
When paired with a spade ♠ people, being ill-prepared and making a mistake （no matter how competent they usually are） （and it irritates the spade ♠ people）
Bullied child
Get ”My mind goes blank” status whenever something happens
Always frightened
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Can you imagine which type are you?
Alice cannot imagine and said with panic. ”well, I feel Club people, but also being Diamond or Heart mind sometimes .”
Let’s see them carefully then.
Extreme Heart ♥ people are …
Being super positive
Everything seems possible and feel like a God （corporate executives, religious gurus, state dictators, etc）
As the Heart's tendencies increase, the sense of reality disappears
The more people around you say it's hard, the more motivated you become and the more ecstatic you feel about the challenge
Heart ♥ people are often so competent and charismatic that those around them have no say in the matter
When an organization fails, you realize “I’m not a God” （don't realize it until a coup d'etat if a dictator / bankrupt if a CEO / divorced if at home）
Too much depression can turn you into a Diamond ▼ people
Extreme Diamond ▼ people are …
Life gets worse and worse
The dark side of everything is emphasized
Despair for the world, for the future, and for myself
Look backward at everything part of your world （can't help but lament it）
Living day and night in order to mismatch with society
Insomnia and illnesses that interfere with work and life
Sometimes a misunderstood Heart ♥ people throw a rope ladder to help, but cannot get out because 『hand slips』 or 『doesn't have a good grip』
Can't leave until decides ”Let's get out of here” myself
Escape and become a Heart ♥ people, then ignore emotions and run wild （That’s why depressed people suddenly become businessmen）
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“Heart ♥ people and Diamond ▼ people look exactly opposite, though :o ”
Yes, but internally they are exactly the same. The polarization between Heart ♥ and Diamond ▼ is tough, but others are suffering as well.
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Extreme Spade ♠ people are …
Compared to own 24-hour hard work, the whole world looks like a bunch of stupid, incompetent people
Feeling like “if I don't do my best nothing will work” （exaggeratedly, the world will collapse）
Everyone around you feels irresponsible, so the responsibility falls heavily on your shoulders
Spade ♠ people are absolutely convinced that they are right, and this feeling motivates and gives them a strong sense of their own worth
Meanwhile, if it goes to the extreme, you lose all peace of mind, and your emotional connection with others is severed
Running on, forced to fight a solitary battle
In a word, 『a hell of a responsibility』
Extreme Club ♣ people are …
No matter what you do, always make mistakes
The feeling of walking through a minefield
“All I can think is that I'm not good enough to work, to do housework, to study”
Drowning in a sense of helplessness and thinking you are nothing but a nuisance to others
And stop even feeling
Even if you were actually having skills, depression makes you an incompetent
Become a scapegoat in the organization
If it wasn't bad, others make you look bad
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” I am a Club people :( “
:( But you said you weren't always Club mind, right?
When people have a relationship with someone, they naturally arrive at some position. Even when meeting for the first time, within five minutes of the meeting, each person will choose a position where they feel comfortable and build a relationship.
This is the human relationship matrix.
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Humans are made to dance through this matrix.
No matter where the other person was originally, he or she automatically goes to a place that is on the opposite side from you. In other words, you are influenced by the other person and sent to the other side wherever you are.
Poor Alice cried,
”I don’t want to be extreme Club mind anymore”
Well said. In fact, there are four types of personalities in each position within you that are pulling each other.
For example, trying something new.
Club ♣ Alice said “I have no confidence ..”
Spade ♠ Alice blames the Club ♣ Alice,
"Why can't you do something as simple as this? ”
Diamonds ▼ Alice is depressed.
Heart ♥ Alice appears to cheer up a diamond.
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“What a stupid monologue I am repeating :( “
Without any knowledge, the Matrix dance would immediately begin in response to the situation. In the case of human relationships, the deeper the connection, the harder it is to get out of that.
When you see Mr./Mrs. Extreme Spade ♠, you'll feel yourself fly right into the Club ♣. That's what makes you nervously and unsurely.
On the other hand, sometimes get tired of being with people who are too positive mind. The more passionately that person talks about it, the less interest you have in it.
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”Why do we keep doing this?”
That's because it is the biggest way to pass the time of human beings.
No need to face what is important as long as you are in a matrix relationship. and enable you to deal with people without revealing your true feelings.
Many people mistake this dance is life.
Heart ♥ people think： Life is contribute to the world around me! （and start new projects one after another）
Diamond ▼ people think： I can't get out of health or emotional problems …….
Spade ♠ people think： The most important thing is to control and accomplish something.
Club ♣ people think： I, I, I am incompetent, I can't do anything.
You know, as long as we keep doing this, we can't start what really matters.
There's only one way to use the Human Relationship Matrix.
Find a center with any partner.
If apply this matrix and know where the other person is, you will know your exact current location.
For example, if you realize someone is a Heart ♥ mind, you're in a Diamond ▼ mind. Then be aware that there is a center between you and the person.
And you remind myself that the center is where we can understand each other. If the person is Heart ♥ mind, think about ”what this person is afraid of?” If the person is Spade ♠ mind, think about “why this person feels so overly responsible?”
And once you realize why, you feel very close to the person you couldn't understand before. When jumping into the center like that, you can befriend any person you want.
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“wow sounds like magic！”
Yes, ｗhen you understand how relationships work, you also understand why people are attracted to the life and events they have now.
What happens in this world is neither positive nor negative. Just neutral.
Likewise, the true enrichness is neither about working hard nor controlling. Nor you are out of touch.
In a word, it's just something you feel.
So I want you to always be aware of the other side of your matrix.
Then you can go to the center. Only in the center of this matrix, we can find happiness, richness, comfortableness.
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”I feel like when the relationship went wrong was when I left the center.
But as soon as I talk to different types of people, I get confused because I don't know where is the center ……….”
You can't stay in the center.
You can always strive towards the center. What can you do now?
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Special thanks：
Ken Honda sensei Your book has helped me many times, thank you so much!