Chapter 1- Small cracks cause collapse
“ The absorption of semen by the blood is the strongest nourishment and, perhaps more than any other factor, it prompts the stimulus of power, the unrest of all forces toward the overcoming of resistances, the thirst for contradiction and resistance”.
My first experience with masturbation was at my aunt and uncles house in Indianapolis, back in the summer of 2003, I was 12 years old. Going over their house always felt like a temporary move out from my parents, in large part due to the fact there were no strict rules to follow, and they led a lifestyle largely different than that of my parents. There was alcohol in the fridge, cigarettes on the tables and counters, and best of all, a porn stash, VHS tapes with obscure labels. Also unlike my parents house, I was able to stay up late at my aunt and uncles. Before I discovered the holy grail of porn my uncle had, I would always stay up at night and turn to HBO or Cinemax. He had all the movie channels and back in the early 2000s, HBO, Showtime, and Cinemax played soft porn after midnight. Now my aunt and uncle had no kids and to this day I am not sure if they were aware of my late night adventures, but nonetheless it happened. I would turn the TV volume down low enough where I could barely hear it, and watch soft porn for hours. After awhile, the soft porn wasn’t cutting it and I started to explore the VHS tape collection that was in the cabinet under the TV. My uncle had a big screen tv that sat on the floor, with a cabinet connected to the bottom of it. He had all the favorite movies from back in the day and I searched through them all. I was in search of something far greater than Hollywood movies and started to look towards the back of the cabinet, where it seemed that these special VHS tapes were hiding. After stumbling upon these hidden tapes, my interest grew even more when I realized that there was no Hollywood movie covers on the front of them. One day while they were at work, I decided to take action and pop one of these tapes in the VCR. You can imagine the excitement I felt, as if I had discovered some portal to another dimension. After putting the VHS in, the film picked up right where my uncle left off. For any one not aware, a VHS tape had to be rewinded after it finished to get back to the beginning. Wherever you were in the movie, you would either have to rewind or fast forward depending on what you wanted to see. In this particular scene, a young woman was tied up on the floor, with a mouth gag on. It looked as if she was struggling and I was quite confused as to what was going on, and if anyone would come help this lady out. After about a solid 6 to 7 minutes of watching her struggle on the floor, I decided to fast forward a bit to get to the action. About 20 seconds later, I see a what appears to be person in a rubber suit, attempting to take the gag out the woman’s mouth. I decided that this wasn’t what I was looking for and hit the eject button on this tape. There were about 20 VHS tapes with funny labels on them, so I knew there had to be a variety. I spent that afternoon going through each tape, getting closer and closer to what I wanted each time. By the end of the afternoon that day one thing was for sure, my days of watching late night soft porn were over.
A newfound love was discovered that summer. Not long after finding the porn stash, I jerked off for the first time and boom! Like an atomic bomb, I shot a load over the couch and all over the tv. While I was thrilled to have felt a sensation this great, it was only for a moment. I ran to the bathroom to grab tissue and wipe down the living room. A mini depression started to make itself comfortable on me and I started to feel bad about myself. Not only did I start thinking about this substance that just shot out that seemed like it should have stayed where it was, I physically felt lighter, weaker. I finished cleaning off the TV and laid on the couch, falling asleep shortly after. For me, this was the beginning of the end. That God like figure that I was en route to becoming had just found his vice of choice, a pleasure like nothing experienced before.
The years went by, lost potential after lost potential. Moments that came and gone, pun intended. During the next several years, I experienced pain on many occasions. Failures, hardships, things that could have been avoided, if only I had it together. While going through my teens and early 20’s, I slowly started to become more aware of the post orgasm syndrome. After getting to climax, a repeated feeling of weakness and confusion was starting to become a pattern. Though I knew this, I continued to bust my balls when I got the urge to. This is cognitive dissonance to the tee. I was aware of the damage I was doing to my mind, body, and spirit, yet continued to let it happen, all for 5 maybe 6 seconds of euphoria. Around age 26, I finally started to become more selective about my what ill call, outputs. I got masturbation under control, slowly tapering off and eventually cutting it out completely. This was the first time since that fateful summer where I was reserving seed for weeks at a time. I started to feel stronger and more put together with each passing week. This was a great time, a period of awakening.
During this phase, I started to get more attention from women. It seemed as if they knew I no longer masturbated and wanted to help me out. What was once a theory became a fact. I would get random text messages from girls I hadn’t talked to in years, asking about my life and what I was currently up to. Being the man that I am, I was thrilled with these types of situations. I took mostly every opportunity that came my way, and it seemed like a blessing from God that so much ass was being thrown my way. For most of my 26 years alive, I was hoping and praying that women would throw themselves at me. I was not the type of guy with typical game, didn’t like to approach women and be the salesmen. I had always maintained the idea that I was the one who should be sought after. I have the gifts, the vision, the strength, things that are worth chasing. Why should I have to come up with a game plan on how to get to know someone. Or maybe I was just nervous sometimes, not sure of how to sell myself. Whichever way you look at it, I didn’t have to think about it for the first time. These new situations were putting me into position where all I had to do was answer questions. Yes, im doing great, never been better. Yes, Im free tonight. Yes, we can eat there and if you want chill after. This was easy for me, and I was putting girls to bed left and right, up and down, sideline to sideline, around the clock. While in my head things were great, this increase in sex was beginning to tax me. Psychologically, physically, and physiologically, it was better to cum during actual sex than to cum by using my own hand. No question about that. But as I was having more intercourse than usual, I was now having more orgasms than usual. This was a problem. And it didn’t set in for awhile because I ignored it. I was blinded by the excitement, the rush every time I got into bed with another woman.
How did the universe allow this to happen? Why would the universe, God, time, and space allow perfect and wholesome me to stumble upon porn at such a young age. The path I went down from that moment can only be described as hell. Except in this hell, I didn’t realize I was burning. This is an example of a larger idea, the parts of reality that we can’t quite make sense of. The astral realm that is dominated by the subconscious parts of the mind. What is really happening in totality, not just the parts that we are perceiving. Some people start going mad as they age, usually due to the trauma they have to face, looking back on all of their poor decisions. Some people figure it out relatively early, in their 20’s and 30’s. While others may figure it out a bit later, say 50’s and 60’s, possibly even 70’s. There are others that never figure it out. And when I say “it”, I don’t mean enlightenment or some higher spiritual level. That could be it, but more so referring to a more realistic idea, being able to provide for yourself and possibly others. There are people in the world throughout history, who never figured it out. Consumed by many things, they reach a point near the end of their lives where shock sort of sets in. But what if I told you that for us, the people lucky enough to be alive right now, are in fact living in a time where attaining “it” is becoming more and more difficult. The world is full of mirrors, mirrors and signs. The signs have lights on them and they shine in on all the mirrors, the mirrors reflecting off one another, so on and so forth. Now imagine walking through this type of atmosphere. How could you see where you were going? The mirrors alone would confuse you, let alone adding lights. With all of this happening, it would be difficult to navigate and see where you are supposed to be going. This is the current state of our mentality. We are moving. Moving through time and space as a material and meta material beings. But metaphysically, your mind is running on a treadmill. It is easy to illustrate this point with a small experiment. Starting in this exact moment, turn you’re smart phone off and leave it off for the next 24 hours. My guess is that you will not do this and come up with an excuse as to why you cannot. Like, “my parents might call me”, or “ I might get calls from work. Now you may think to yourself that its not so bad. And thats why I have written this book. To show you how bad it actually is.
Chapter 2- Who shot JFK?
There has been a dark paranoia in the United States from the start. The first settlers came from Europe to flee from the power and corruption of the old world. Though they got away from the old power, they hadn’t gotten away from their suspicious minds. Now alone in the vast landscape of America, they were led to imagine dark, hidden conspiracies in their own government, far away in Washington. One of the first conspiracies, in the early 19th century was called the Bhavarian illuminati. A secret group from Europe running a scheme to destroy the new democracy, and to mask a dark underworld group of people and other entities not known, to manage planet earth while exhausting and pillaging the earth for its precious resources. Fast forward to today, you are a victim of hidden manipulation, plugged in and programmed. The machines have you under mind control and most people are not fully aware of this. Even as you read this text right now, you believe that you are in control of your actions. The truth is you have no control and there is no free will, only the illusion of it. In this dream like world, you have assumed that what you see is real and concrete. When you lay your head down at night and go to sleep, your brain falls into a dream like state. Sometimes you remember your dreams, sometimes you don’t. The dream world has yet to be fully figured out. We know of the brain wave patterns that occur during sleep, but the visual world we become immersed in remains a mystery to us.
What seemed like a dream but was more real than anything we could have possibly imagined, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in broad daylight on November 22, 1963. This was a shock to the nation, something most believed could have never happened in the new, progressive United States of America. Later on that same day, Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested at a small movie theater not far from where the shooting assassination occurred. Two days later as police escorted Oswald through the Dallas police station, a man by the name of Jack Ruby shot Oswald in the lower abdomen, resulting in Oswald dying 2 hours later in a nearby hospital.
In 1967, the District attorney of New Orleans, a man by the name of Jim Garrison claimed that Lee Harvey Oswald was a decoy in the JFK murder plot. This man was the original creator of the JFK conspiracy theory who believed that a secret group made up of CIA, business leaders, news media companies and other elites were responsible for the plot against President Kennedy. He believed that the democratic system in America was just a facade. Behind the government that we see in public, there was a far more superior government that the public was unaware of. This secret group were the real puppet masters, controlling everything in our society. All that we see in the public scene is half truth, never revealing the entire plan or agenda. The intention that we perceive that comes from these sources are often reversed, meaning that what we view as the truth usually has more serious, darker undertones.
The saying perception is reality is spot on. And to understand our current reality, we must truly understand how and why we perceive the world around us. Don’t bother with meaning or logic, its hidden and not meant to make sense. A better and more efficient way to understand our reality is to look for patterns. Strange coincidences and links that may seem to have no meaning but are actual signs of the hidden power system. In a dark world of hidden power, you can’t expect everything to make sense. Instead of looking for meanings, look for patterns.
