to be honest i don’t say much and that might be the reason why i should say more. i don’t know if anybody will even read this but it will live on forever as a piece of me that i will be able to look back on. after coming across both the mfers story and wgmi interfaces post, i feel this is something that was meant to be shown to me at the time i found them to remind me of why i even started this whole thing. why i even got into nfts.

feeling like a kid as a “grown up,” i throw myself full force into any of my curiosities or interests. i never hesitate the path of growth. i take risks most wouldn’t even consider possible of taking. i say this to try and express how i view life, if i want to do something i’ll do whatever it takes to do it, with almost no regard to the consequences at times. i also say this to show that i, like everyone, am still on my journey to find my true talents or things i feel i am good at. all this has lead me here.

i really got into nfts around september of last year (2021). before getting into nfts i dedicated my life to e-commerce and digital marketing for 3+ years with little success. i eventually quit bc i started to wake up with dread, and no desire to actually do the work anymore. i started to hate the process. it was becoming a task to even get to work.

through this experience and more recently through nft’s, i slowly realized i don’t actually like the process of building or managing as much as i like just creating. to create with no purpose or intention, just for the pure fact of creating. when you create with nothing holding you back but to express the castle you built in your head. that’s what i allowed myself to finally do and that is what lead me to where i am today. with nfts, everything felt fun again and like i could express my full creativity. one thing i liked about this space was that nothing was set in stone, the industry itself is in its infancy and all i knew was this was the exact product i had been looking to create my entire life. there is no physical form yet the impact can be profound and impactful beyond words, it transcends. so i threw myself into it fully, and have been immersing myself in creating my own projects and ideas.

but let me reflect for a second. when building out a project, i started to get lost in the idea that my project had to have utility, but those are the ideas of other people, not my own. i thought i could only justify selling an nft at a certain price if i could deliver something that even i didn’t know what that was. all the noise had seeped in. does this sound familiar to you? it did to me, awfully like my experience in the past with e-commerce, social media, school and other social constructs of our society today. i had gotten right back to where i was months prior…

people may also ask why i started so many projects and didn’t just focus on one at a time. well the only way i could describe it is that of madness. you know when you really want to do something and you just go do it? you let yourself be free and do it. you just can’t help but do it. that’s how i feel when i create. i don’t let my mind stop me, i just do. i just create. i can’t help but allow myself to get lost in the process.

if you don’t get it, i understand. i don’t get it either. i know a lot of people won’t understand or believe how i could possibly make all these things work and truthfully i don’t know either. all i know is that i won’t let myself hold myself back anymore.

on my quest to creating these projects, i have lost touch with my true first intention when i started. one of the biggest goals i had thru nfts was to support independent creatives and developers - here is a photo from one of my earliest notes on my ideas.

now, when i look at where i am with my projects - i am focused on numbers, hype, and other things that are not aligned with who i am or my intentions.

the way i have been creating and express myself recently has been in crafting the “vision” of nft projects. as a pen is a tool to an artist, devs and artists were tools to execute my vision quicker and with better quality then i could in that moment. though i did get help on some projects, there were times i had a hard time finding qualified and trustworthy talent which lead lead me to me learning almost every piece of launching an nft collection myself. from learning to clone, edit, and deploy basic smart contracts to diving into web development, to building my own discord servers - i have learned it all just to launch a project. thankfully with all the resources and tools out their i was able to figure it out, without it i don’t think i could of learned it as fast or with the same quality. but what this represented to me is that nothing, even learning a new skill i had never even tried before would stop me from realizing my own idea.

now i ask myself the question what to do with all the projects i’ve created. do i release them as free mints? but i feel like that would not be fair to my team who have helped me turn some of these projects into a reality. some were hopeful or were expecting majority of their payment post mint (which is my responsibility yes). i don’t want to let them down, but i also want to do what’s best for the community and supporters.

i should note that almost all the projects i am working on are complete or very close to final. there is only few things that’s missing… one being marketing. something i hate doing the most but is necessary. the other thing - a discord server for the community. but that is something i wasn’t really planning to create in the first place. i appreciate community and relationships a lot but i am just not the most extroverted person. i choose when to interact, not force myself to. i’m sure some of you out there can relate to this. i also felt like with online communities we only get a taste of who somebody is, and miss a lot of who is actually behind the screen. when online, we can be more specific about deciding what to say and what not to say, what to edit, delete or hide. they are the only ones who truly know how they are feeling or what is going on in their lives. i am not saying this bc i think online communities are a bad thing, i just feel that right now that is not my main focus atm and what i enjoy doing the most. there is no community without creation.

a lot of the reason why i never released decisive roadmaps and made any commitments is because of the pressure of adding on things i would have never wanted or cared to do in the first place. i don’t know if people even care about the projects i’m working on, though they are small nonetheless. i don’t know if anybody will even mint, but i am glad i came to this understanding now and not after my project had been already released with obligations piling on further. but what if instead of being a start to an end at the time of mint, it became the start to something i could have never imagined or done? what if the project was the seeds of something even greater, even more impactful then i could have imagined?

now, i am not saying i’m just going to give up on the projects - no. i am just saying that that was never the intention or end goal i had in the first place. it was just to put out the imaginary ideas in my head and make them exist. i never wanted commitment or to become stuck in the cycle of every other project. like creating utilities or other things to please holders, and becoming slaves to their own projects (not to say that all are that way but you get what i’m trying to say.) does that mean i won’t build at all? no, all i am saying is that i will build 20% and create 80% of the time. building is not my fav thing to do, simple as that but that doesn’t mean i won’t be building. as a creative i feel that losing the ability to continue to tinker and do as you please creatively is like putting yourself in prison and that is what scares me the most. i feel that creativity never stops, it adapts and grows, just like anything else. the idea of being forced into doing one thing or work on one idea forever is like putting yourself in a box. to be able to experiment, create and do as you please freely is the nature of who i am. it is the nature of who we all are.

i also want to state here that of course we do not live in a perfect world. in a perfect world i would be able to choose for myself when and what i’d like to work on, for how long, etc. but we all know that’s just not entirely possible all the time, but now more then ever it seems a lot more like it can be. where most of the time we can work on what we want to. i just feel at the point where when i am creating, i will do what i feel is best for me. and that is freeing myself from the slave i have become to my mind and to the opinions and beliefs of others.

something i have seen and now truly understand is that the market does as it pleases. as much as you want something to work, you never will truly know if something will work until the market decides for itself. and yes there are ways that you can manipulate the market but overall we have seen all kinds of projects in the nft space win. but why one over the other? that is something we will never truly know or understand. we will never know exactly why. just as in nature we will never exactly know why certain things are the way that they are or why they work the way they do. the nft space will continue with or without me and i want to be a part of it in the way i feel is best for me. that is something i am still trying to figure out. i want to continue to be a part of this space, whether that be investing into projects that i believe will push it in a positive direction, or creating free mints or meme projects for no real reason. all i can say is ill be around, doing my thing. i encourage you to do the same. do your thing, not anybody else’s.

so that brings me back to the question i have been thinking of every day, consantly. what shall i do with the projects i have created? either release the projects i dedicated my life to creating or let them die never to be never seen by anyone but me and members of the team. i think its unfair to the people that have worked on my projects to just keep them for myself. i want to show them to the world, after all that was one of the main goals i had with these projects. to share the artwork which represented ideas i wanted to put out into the world.

the other goal with the projects is to inspire. to plant a seed, for a new way to look at something, or some one. this is the intention behind the art, to create the space for something to grow. that is the purpose of what i am doing, to make you think differently. to make you question things, to inspire you to create something yourself in whatever form that takes. artwork, a community, music, your ideal life, literally anything.

for this reason i have decided to make many of my projects partially free mints or full free mints. my intention was just to create. i didn’t allow myself to stop when thinking about the consequences or burden i had put on myself financially. if you really believe in something, you wouldn’t let anything or anybody stop you. not even money. at the end of the day if i still have to face the burdens i put on myself financially and be in debt from these project costs, so be it. at least i won’t have regret. at least i tried. at least i gave myself the chance to even try. that is more important to me then anything in the world. true expression, true freedom, true being. fully allowing yourself to transcend the mind.

for all of you that have been following and shown interest in the projects i am working on - that alone means a lot to what i have been able to accomplish. i am grateful for the fact that i even got to do this and try this whole thing out to the fullest extent of releasing them. this journey has taught me more about myself then anything and that is something i will take forward for the rest of my life. for that i am truly the most grateful for.

i also want to thank all the artists, devs, mods, and other team members i’ve worked with in my journey creating these projects. i am truly appreciative. thank you for all the support.

in conclusion i will leave you with this,

get lost in the sauce, but your sauce. not anybody else’s. do you.

PS - a collection of random thoughts and accumulation of ideas

no official discords, no roadmaps, no false promises, no official leaders, no dick riding, no rules, no guarantees - i’m just here for the ride

“you can state a roadmap that says where you will go, but you can also plant seeds and see where they grow” - sartoshi

“it’s taken us a while to come to this understanding, and as cliche as it may sound, sometimes you really do have to tread the path and get close to the destination in order to recognize it’s not where you want to be.” - wgmi interfaces

do web3 YOUR way, not anybody else’s

‘wen discord? wen roadmap? wen moon’ … - wen break? wen time to reflect? wen gratitude for what we already have?

- natureboy, 4/17-5/7/2022