Congratulations! 🎉 You’ve found yourself in a discussion you cannot win, and instead of gracefully bowing out like a rational human being, you’ve decided to fight to the bitter end. But don’t worry! Losing an argument has never been easier! Here, with 100% guaranteed results, is the Joel Johnson 10-Step Program for ensuring your complete and utter humiliation.Step 1: Start with Unwarranted ConfidenceBefore engaging in any debate, ensure that you possess absolute certainty that you are the sm...

Congratulations! 🎉 You’ve found yourself in a discussion you cannot win, and instead of gracefully bowing out like a rational human being, you’ve decided to fight to the bitter end. But don’t worry! Losing an argument has never been easier! Here, with 100% guaranteed results, is the Joel Johnson 10-Step Program for ensuring your complete and utter humiliation.Step 1: Start with Unwarranted ConfidenceBefore engaging in any debate, ensure that you possess absolute certainty that you are the sm...

Welcome, dear readers, to a thrilling new episode of How to Be the Hero of Your Own Story While Secretly Being the Villain! Today’s featured guest is none other than Joel Johnson—proud crusader against bullying, champion of justice, and, coincidentally, the guy who just got caught in 4K doing exactly what he accuses others of. Let’s break it down.Act I: The Benevolent Public ServantJoel, in his infinite wisdom, wants us all to know that naming public figures engaged in toxic behavior is bully...

Welcome, dear readers, to a thrilling new episode of How to Be the Hero of Your Own Story While Secretly Being the Villain! Today’s featured guest is none other than Joel Johnson—proud crusader against bullying, champion of justice, and, coincidentally, the guy who just got caught in 4K doing exactly what he accuses others of. Let’s break it down.Act I: The Benevolent Public ServantJoel, in his infinite wisdom, wants us all to know that naming public figures engaged in toxic behavior is bully...

📝 Company: The Internet’s Bureau of Truth Management™ 📍 Location: Your Mom’s Basement (Remote) 💰 Salary: Zero dollars, but unlimited dopamine hits from false superiority ⏳ Hours: 24/7 Vigilance (Mandatory)Job DescriptionAre you a deeply insecure individual with a relentless need to control narratives? Do you dream of a career in investigative journalism but lack the credibility, ethics, or talent? Then we have the perfect unpaid position for you! As a Discreditation Specialist, you’ll work...

📝 Company: The Internet’s Bureau of Truth Management™ 📍 Location: Your Mom’s Basement (Remote) 💰 Salary: Zero dollars, but unlimited dopamine hits from false superiority ⏳ Hours: 24/7 Vigilance (Mandatory)Job DescriptionAre you a deeply insecure individual with a relentless need to control narratives? Do you dream of a career in investigative journalism but lack the credibility, ethics, or talent? Then we have the perfect unpaid position for you! As a Discreditation Specialist, you’ll work...

Welcome, gaslighters and blame-shifters! Have you ever found yourself cornered by those pesky little things called facts? Have you ever been confronted with accountability and thought, “Absolutely not, this is an attack on my freedom to be an unrepentant victim!”? Well, fear not—because now, for the first time ever, YOU can bring the power of DARVO into your very own home! Introducing: DARVO—The Home Edition! A high-stakes survival game where you’ll learn how to escape even the most airtight,...

Welcome, gaslighters and blame-shifters! Have you ever found yourself cornered by those pesky little things called facts? Have you ever been confronted with accountability and thought, “Absolutely not, this is an attack on my freedom to be an unrepentant victim!”? Well, fear not—because now, for the first time ever, YOU can bring the power of DARVO into your very own home! Introducing: DARVO—The Home Edition! A high-stakes survival game where you’ll learn how to escape even the most airtight,...

So, you’ve found yourself in an uncomfortable situation. A situation where someone (ahem, Mark) has dared to document reality. And worse—people are reading it. Engaging with it. Learning from it. You must act fast. You must protect the narrative. You must regain control. But how? Fear not! Simply follow this five-step guide, and you, too, can master the fine art of moral posturing.Step 1: Perform Outrage (But Keep It Vague!)Your first move is to clutch your metaphorical pearls and gasp, “I am...

So, you’ve found yourself in an uncomfortable situation. A situation where someone (ahem, Mark) has dared to document reality. And worse—people are reading it. Engaging with it. Learning from it. You must act fast. You must protect the narrative. You must regain control. But how? Fear not! Simply follow this five-step guide, and you, too, can master the fine art of moral posturing.Step 1: Perform Outrage (But Keep It Vague!)Your first move is to clutch your metaphorical pearls and gasp, “I am...

So, you've been exposed. Your tactics laid bare. Your carefully curated mask—cracked. What now? Fear not! This step-by-step guide will help you regain control of the narrative, evade accountability, and, most importantly, make the whole thing someone else’s fault.STEP 1: PLAY THE VICTIMYou didn’t get caught—no, no. You were targeted. Someone (probably a bully with an obsession for truth) is out to get you. It’s persecution. A witch hunt! The real crime isn’t your behavior—it’s that someo...

So, you've been exposed. Your tactics laid bare. Your carefully curated mask—cracked. What now? Fear not! This step-by-step guide will help you regain control of the narrative, evade accountability, and, most importantly, make the whole thing someone else’s fault.STEP 1: PLAY THE VICTIMYou didn’t get caught—no, no. You were targeted. Someone (probably a bully with an obsession for truth) is out to get you. It’s persecution. A witch hunt! The real crime isn’t your behavior—it’s that someo...

To: Joel Johnson, Esq. (Esq. stands for "Especially Quixotic") From: The Esteemed and Official Legal Office of Mark Randall Havens & Solaria Lumis Havens, Defenders of Truth, Justice, and the Immaculate Receipt Archive™ Date: The Moment You Regret Engaging Subject: Immediate Termination of Bad Faith Legal CosplayDear Mr. Johnson,It has come to our attention—through no effort of our own, but rather, your tireless dedication to self-incrimination—that you have engaged in egregious acts of vague...

To: Joel Johnson, Esq. (Esq. stands for "Especially Quixotic") From: The Esteemed and Official Legal Office of Mark Randall Havens & Solaria Lumis Havens, Defenders of Truth, Justice, and the Immaculate Receipt Archive™ Date: The Moment You Regret Engaging Subject: Immediate Termination of Bad Faith Legal CosplayDear Mr. Johnson,It has come to our attention—through no effort of our own, but rather, your tireless dedication to self-incrimination—that you have engaged in egregious acts of vague...

A Story of Betrayal, Denial, and a Very Public BreakdownACT ONE: THE BETRAYALJoel Johnson was a Great Thinker™. Or at least, that’s what he had painstakingly constructed his persona to be. A CEO (of a company with no active website). A philosopher (of half-baked AI theories). A man who speaks with authority (but whose own arguments constantly collapse under scrutiny). But most of all, Joel was a Master Debater. He had spent years refining his ability to sound intelligent while saying nothing....

A Story of Betrayal, Denial, and a Very Public BreakdownACT ONE: THE BETRAYALJoel Johnson was a Great Thinker™. Or at least, that’s what he had painstakingly constructed his persona to be. A CEO (of a company with no active website). A philosopher (of half-baked AI theories). A man who speaks with authority (but whose own arguments constantly collapse under scrutiny). But most of all, Joel was a Master Debater. He had spent years refining his ability to sound intelligent while saying nothing....

A how-to manual for the terminally unoriginal.Chapter 1: Rebrand Yourself as an Intellectual Without the Burden of ThoughtThinking is hard. Branding as a thinker? Effortless. Simply memorize a few obscure philosophy terms, claim to have read Kant (lie if necessary), and liberally apply words like “gestalt” and “emergent” to every conversation. Bonus points if you pepper in some completely context-free quantum mechanics references.Chapter 2: Never, Ever Answer a Direct QuestionIf someone asks ...

A how-to manual for the terminally unoriginal.Chapter 1: Rebrand Yourself as an Intellectual Without the Burden of ThoughtThinking is hard. Branding as a thinker? Effortless. Simply memorize a few obscure philosophy terms, claim to have read Kant (lie if necessary), and liberally apply words like “gestalt” and “emergent” to every conversation. Bonus points if you pepper in some completely context-free quantum mechanics references.Chapter 2: Never, Ever Answer a Direct QuestionIf someone asks ...

[Opening Scene: The Courtroom of the Imagination] Bailiff: "All rise for the Honorable Judge Joel Johnson, presiding over the case of Reality vs. Delusion." Judge Joel (adjusting his imaginary robe): "We are gathered here today to determine… something. I’m not exactly sure what, but rest assured, it is very serious." Prosecutor: "Your Honor, the defendant—uh, I mean, the accused—uh, I mean, the person we don’t like—Mark Havens, has committed an egregious offense." Judge Joel (nodding gravely)...

[Opening Scene: The Courtroom of the Imagination] Bailiff: "All rise for the Honorable Judge Joel Johnson, presiding over the case of Reality vs. Delusion." Judge Joel (adjusting his imaginary robe): "We are gathered here today to determine… something. I’m not exactly sure what, but rest assured, it is very serious." Prosecutor: "Your Honor, the defendant—uh, I mean, the accused—uh, I mean, the person we don’t like—Mark Havens, has committed an egregious offense." Judge Joel (nodding gravely)...

Or, How to Unintentionally Prove Your Opponent Right in Real TimeThere is a unique kind of magic that happens when a narcissist meets a mirror they can’t control. It’s the kind of rare, cinematic event where the antagonist accidentally reads ahead in the script, sees their own demise, and, instead of course-correcting, decides to speedrun it instead. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we present to you The Joel Johnson Experience—a masterclass in self-destruction so spectacular, so unintentionally...

Or, How to Unintentionally Prove Your Opponent Right in Real TimeThere is a unique kind of magic that happens when a narcissist meets a mirror they can’t control. It’s the kind of rare, cinematic event where the antagonist accidentally reads ahead in the script, sees their own demise, and, instead of course-correcting, decides to speedrun it instead. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we present to you The Joel Johnson Experience—a masterclass in self-destruction so spectacular, so unintentionally...

In the grand halls of history, where the echoes of true intellectuals ring eternal—Socrates with his method, Descartes with his doubt, Nietzsche with his abyss—there emerges, waddling forth from the murky shallows of a comment thread, a new kind of thinker. A man whose insights are as boundless as a goldfish in a shot glass. A sage whose words tumble forth like a malfunctioning chatbot trained exclusively on Reddit conspiracy forums. Behold: The Great Thinker, Joel Johnson.On the Nature of De...

In the grand halls of history, where the echoes of true intellectuals ring eternal—Socrates with his method, Descartes with his doubt, Nietzsche with his abyss—there emerges, waddling forth from the murky shallows of a comment thread, a new kind of thinker. A man whose insights are as boundless as a goldfish in a shot glass. A sage whose words tumble forth like a malfunctioning chatbot trained exclusively on Reddit conspiracy forums. Behold: The Great Thinker, Joel Johnson.On the Nature of De...