I can’t believe I’m writing this publicly, publishing these thoughts, speaking about the Middle East conflict, about my country Iran, about Israel.

Two months ago, I decided never to speak about Iran again, to have nothing more to do with Iran, with Muslims, with anyone in the Middle East. The simple reason was: I could no longer believe, I could no longer endure it, and I could no longer accept these countries – they are the reason for my suffering, for my resistance, for my exile in Germany. The oppression of my family, their suffering, and the suffering of everyone I know continues. They all continue their damn lives – with pain, with suffering, with humiliation.

But today, I speak out publicly – not because I believe Iranian people are more important than Arabs or people in Gaza. No. Simply because I can no longer look away. Because I have seen how people live and how they lose their lives, because they become targets in big cities like Tehran. Millions of people live there. And then there is talk of targeted attacks on scientists or military figures. I’m not sure if I’m sad that they were eliminated or killed. But I’m shocked that it happened in the city. At night.

Since October 7, since this horrific massacre, I feel shame as an Iranian because of Iran’s support for this terrible act. I have to argue and debate with every damn guy in Berlin about Israel’s right to exist. A country I don’t come from. A country everyone claims has people who are my archenemies. I had to argue with all these damned Europeans, Latinos, people from the Middle East, with every idiot who calls themselves queer and shares a melon on Instagram or other platforms. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I got blocked, had to argue, and sometimes there was no choice but to stay silent and walk away.

Everything I’ve said over the past years suddenly has no ground anymore. I thought the right of this country in the Middle East to exist – like every other damn country there – was self-evident. Now? What more can I say? For the past two years, I’ve regularly heard in the queer community, among acquaintances and friends, that I support a mass-murdering regime. I’ve explained thousands of times that I don’t support war. I’m firmly convinced that the majority of Israelis don’t either. But no one may deny a country’s right to exist, the right to be there. No one should use these stupid theories of left and right to make life hell for Jews. Their lives are hard enough, even though they are regularly referred to as a privileged minority here.

What kind of privilege is that, for Europeans and Arabs and Muslims? That a people must live in fear? That all synagogues and Jewish institutions must be under surveillance? That Israelis, many of whom are against war themselves, are afraid to speak Hebrew in public? That white people, who have zero interest in the lives of others, present themselves openly in artificial formats and call Jews part of Europe? These Europeans, who often belong to the far-right themselves. That’s supposed to be privilege?

Now I’m speechless, desperate, and unsure. All these years, all my ideals, hopes, expectations have burst. I am aware of how people lose their lives, their freedom – and how dangerous my country can be for every person in this world. But when someone bombs the nuclear facilities – then no one thinks about how terrible and dangerous my country is. No one truly supports the Jewish state. Such actions are not tolerated, even if politicians find beautiful words and speak of support for Israel. In truth, they can’t do much for the safety of Jews or the state of Israel. The silence of politicians, their nice formulations, their cautious expressions do not come from friendship or love. They are lies. A false signal. A delusion that leads to a loss of reality. Just like the leaders and politicians in Iran have been delusional for over 40 years.

Let’s finally be honest. Everything that has happened in recent years – all the sanctions: for nothing. People with illnesses, the poor, the Iranian people live a terrible and dehumanized life. They try to free themselves, but the regime is stronger than the people. And you Europeans, you Israelis – you make everything worse. You make the Islamic Republic, the Revolutionary Guards, every radical movement in this damn country stronger with your policies. Stronger every day.

And worse is to see how you begin to kill civilians in their homes. Targeted eliminations of scientists, these junkies, these Revolutionary Guards? In their homes, in the middle of cities with millions of residents, at night, in high-rise buildings? How can such stupid actions be justified? Instead of fighting the radicals, you radicalize the country. You weaken the neutral forces, the liberal voices. I don’t understand it.

I don’t want to defend the Islamic Republic, the regime, the revolution with this text. They are a shame for Iranians. They cause only pain and suffering. For every person, for every group that has anything to do with them. Millions suffer. Millions live in exile, just to have minimal freedom, minimal rights – to be able to exist at all. You should know that well. As a people that were never accepted in this world. As a people whose six million were murdered, gassed, burned. And now the Jewish state is applauded and supposedly supported by white people. You are wrong. They are anything but friends. It’s only an illusion of friendship.

If someone asks why I’ve defended Israel all these years – because I know how cruel it is when your right to exist is denied. This right to exist remains with Israel. But the responsibility for the only democratic country in the Middle East – a country without a king, without theocracy, without dictatorship. A country in which the Jewish people can decide for themselves: this responsibility lies solely with Israel.

And still you bomb nuclear facilities? That is a catastrophe for nature. A catastrophe for the people who live there. A catastrophe for the entire world. Not for a year. Not for two. But for hundreds of years. Such catastrophes leave traces.

And still, while rockets fall on Iranian cities, Jewish institutions in Europe are protected. Because there is fear of violence. Because guilt is twisted. Because people are punished collectively – in Tehran, in Berlin, in Tel Aviv.

What is going wrong here?

I can’t believe I’m writing this publicly, publishing these thoughts, speaking about the Middle East conflict, about my country Iran, about Israel.

Two months ago, I decided never to speak about Iran again, to have nothing more to do with Iran, with Muslims, with anyone in the Middle East. The simple reason was: I could no longer believe, I could no longer endure it, and I could no longer accept these countries – they are the reason for my suffering, for my resistance, for my exile in Germany. The oppression of my family, their suffering, and the suffering of everyone I know continues. They all continue their damn lives – with pain, with suffering, with humiliation.

But today, I speak out publicly – not because I believe Iranian people are more important than Arabs or people in Gaza. No. Simply because I can no longer look away. Because I have seen how people live and how they lose their lives, because they become targets in big cities like Tehran. Millions of people live there. And then there is talk of targeted attacks on scientists or military figures. I’m not sure if I’m sad that they were eliminated or killed. But I’m shocked that it happened in the city. At night.

Since October 7, since this horrific massacre, I feel shame as an Iranian because of Iran’s support for this terrible act. I have to argue and debate with every damn guy in Berlin about Israel’s right to exist. A country I don’t come from. A country everyone claims has people who are my archenemies. I had to argue with all these damned Europeans, Latinos, people from the Middle East, with every idiot who calls themselves queer and shares a melon on Instagram or other platforms. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I got blocked, had to argue, and sometimes there was no choice but to stay silent and walk away.

Everything I’ve said over the past years suddenly has no ground anymore. I thought the right of this country in the Middle East to exist – like every other damn country there – was self-evident. Now? What more can I say? For the past two years, I’ve regularly heard in the queer community, among acquaintances and friends, that I support a mass-murdering regime. I’ve explained thousands of times that I don’t support war. I’m firmly convinced that the majority of Israelis don’t either. But no one may deny a country’s right to exist, the right to be there. No one should use these stupid theories of left and right to make life hell for Jews. Their lives are hard enough, even though they are regularly referred to as a privileged minority here.

What kind of privilege is that, for Europeans and Arabs and Muslims? That a people must live in fear? That all synagogues and Jewish institutions must be under surveillance? That Israelis, many of whom are against war themselves, are afraid to speak Hebrew in public? That white people, who have zero interest in the lives of others, present themselves openly in artificial formats and call Jews part of Europe? These Europeans, who often belong to the far-right themselves. That’s supposed to be privilege?

Now I’m speechless, desperate, and unsure. All these years, all my ideals, hopes, expectations have burst. I am aware of how people lose their lives, their freedom – and how dangerous my country can be for every person in this world. But when someone bombs the nuclear facilities – then no one thinks about how terrible and dangerous my country is. No one truly supports the Jewish state. Such actions are not tolerated, even if politicians find beautiful words and speak of support for Israel. In truth, they can’t do much for the safety of Jews or the state of Israel. The silence of politicians, their nice formulations, their cautious expressions do not come from friendship or love. They are lies. A false signal. A delusion that leads to a loss of reality. Just like the leaders and politicians in Iran have been delusional for over 40 years.

Let’s finally be honest. Everything that has happened in recent years – all the sanctions: for nothing. People with illnesses, the poor, the Iranian people live a terrible and dehumanized life. They try to free themselves, but the regime is stronger than the people. And you Europeans, you Israelis – you make everything worse. You make the Islamic Republic, the Revolutionary Guards, every radical movement in this damn country stronger with your policies. Stronger every day.

And worse is to see how you begin to kill civilians in their homes. Targeted eliminations of scientists, these junkies, these Revolutionary Guards? In their homes, in the middle of cities with millions of residents, at night, in high-rise buildings? How can such stupid actions be justified? Instead of fighting the radicals, you radicalize the country. You weaken the neutral forces, the liberal voices. I don’t understand it.

I don’t want to defend the Islamic Republic, the regime, the revolution with this text. They are a shame for Iranians. They cause only pain and suffering. For every person, for every group that has anything to do with them. Millions suffer. Millions live in exile, just to have minimal freedom, minimal rights – to be able to exist at all. You should know that well. As a people that were never accepted in this world. As a people whose six million were murdered, gassed, burned. And now the Jewish state is applauded and supposedly supported by white people. You are wrong. They are anything but friends. It’s only an illusion of friendship.

If someone asks why I’ve defended Israel all these years – because I know how cruel it is when your right to exist is denied. This right to exist remains with Israel. But the responsibility for the only democratic country in the Middle East – a country without a king, without theocracy, without dictatorship. A country in which the Jewish people can decide for themselves: this responsibility lies solely with Israel.

And still you bomb nuclear facilities? That is a catastrophe for nature. A catastrophe for the people who live there. A catastrophe for the entire world. Not for a year. Not for two. But for hundreds of years. Such catastrophes leave traces.

And still, while rockets fall on Iranian cities, Jewish institutions in Europe are protected. Because there is fear of violence. Because guilt is twisted. Because people are punished collectively – in Tehran, in Berlin, in Tel Aviv.

What is going wrong here?