Today marks the day when I started a patreon!
🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉
This is an incredibly important step for my creativity and honoring my devotion to her. I’m currently in Mexico collaborating on songwriting with @boyuntitled and production with @maumontekio for the operetta/album that I am working on called, “dear hunger,”
From the beginning, I knew that I wanted to create this project in community and I’m grateful to say that it has over 5 collaborators (more coming 🤞🏽). Community is so incredibly important to me and to recovery. Recovery cannot happen alone. An eating disorder can thrive in silence.
I decided to use patreon because of it’s accessibility to some of the people in my life who do not understand the blockchain world and who also may be a bit religious, if I had an OnlyFans, it would probably send them straight to confession.
dear hunger, is the story of my personal recovery journey from an eating disorder. People tend to think that eating disorders are just “for the looks,” just someone “wanting to be skinny,” or “be better than other people,” but it is so much more than that. Re-learning how to eat to nourish your body is just one road. Learning to trust yourself again is the longer one. And it’s been quite a journey. So many heartbreaks, breakups, unexpected deaths, new friends, perfectionism, people pleasing, calling out the bullshit, late-in-life diagnoses, doubt, joy, hidden relapses, fuck-it moments, and ultimately living. Not dying.
To walk away from recovery is to choose death.
Sorry not sorry to be so dramatic, but living with a hell in your mind is not living. This last year and half I have felt more alive than ever (shout out to my therapists Shawn and Bevin 🦋). Loads of the alive feeling I have had is anger in moments of betrayal, especially when I have betrayed myself, and wonder in moments of exploration and breaking cycles that my inner hell (inner creature) loved.
And thus, I am embarking on finishing this project!! I’ll be using tools like Mirror, Patreon, Sound.xyz, Supercollector, and Catalog to witness the process of the dear hunger, completion. Doing this is commemorating the fucking rollercoaster of a ride it has been (and continues to be).
I hope that this process is as enlightening for anyone reading/watching/listening as it is and will be for me. If you would like to join the project, pop over to my DMs or join my patreon.
header image:
artist + model: dearrawra
photographer: wiitch.fiingers
set + hand model: casha.is.nervous