Recently, I stumbled across a google doc I made many years ago surreptitiously named "To do". At first glance it seemed quite ordinary but what I didn't realise was how transformative this discovery would be. Inside the document, was a random jumble of things that I wanted to do.
‘To do’
I created this list in 2016, with the majority of the items on the list added before July 2017, and the last two added in 2018 and 2020. It seems totally abhorrent to me today, to use a google doc as a to do list, but back when I made this, it was my very first to do list.
To me, this document is more than just a list, it represents all the hopes and dreams I had as a newborn adult, one who has just had their first taste of freedom. It was a nice moment of nostalgia to remember the person I once was, but also to see how far I've come. Some of the items on the list are a bit ridiculous and make me wonder what I was thinking, like "practice accents specifically American and irish". Finding this document again has been like digging up a digital time capsule. I'm glad to see that I have actually accomplished many of the things I set out to do all those years ago. Here's what the list looks like after crossing off the things I've accomplished. (I didn't cross out the practice/learn tasks because although I have technically done them, I don't think I truly 'accomplished' them).
My to do list after marking things as done
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After sharing this with my friend Noah, he challenged me to update the list, asking what I would keep or remove. And so I began the deceivingly hard task of coming up with new items for my to do list. In the process, I realised what made the first one so special. It was my unbridled optimism for what I could achieve. Most to do lists these days are pragmatic, for the purpose of getting things done. There's no room for items that don't follow the SMART goal paradigm.
Yet here I was, with not so much a "to do" list, but a "to be" list. You see this list isn't so much about what I want to get done, but about the dreams that I have. It's different to a bucket list because these aren't a list of must-do things before I die. I don't care if I don't finish any individual item on this list, or even if I don't finish any of them. To me, this list is about unbinding the shackles of reality, and letting my ambitions run wild. It's rare for me to do that, and this list has pushed me to my very limits of imagination. It was tough, but I think I eventually got there. Without further ado, here's the updated list.
My 2023 edition of this list, now named “To be”
One of the things that I noticed when creating my new list is that there isn't as much learning that I want to do. Perhaps that's because I've come to see learning as a means to an end (for the better or for the worse), and I know that I'll end up learning in order to achieve the things I want to achieve. Probably also because of some hubris that I don't need to learn that much more. Not all the items in the new list aren't new dreams, but ones that I haven't captured before.
I'll take a look at this again in 5 or so years, and go through the same exercise. I wonder what I will have done, what I will no longer want to do, and what I will now want to do.
Now it's your turn. I challenge you to create a list of your own. Not a to do list, but a to be list. Set your heart free and who knows what you'll discover?
Spend about 30 minutes or so, coming up with items and write them down. Don't be judgmental, if it sounds stupid, that means you're probably on the right track. It's also a good idea to ask yourself whether doing this would actually make you happy, or whether you think it would make you happy. Don't strive for perfection, just give it your best shot.
I'd love to see what your list looks like. You can reply to this email with yours, or if you're feeling extra brave, post it in the comments of this newsletter.
Special thanks to my friend Noah for sharing this experience with me.