Lately, I've been wondering, 'How did I change so much?'
I used to live with self-hatred for a very long time.
I hated the way I look and my personality as well.
I was a person who was particularly bad at expressing my emotions, but what was surprising was that my friends around me had no idea that I was that kind of person.
The reason is that the self-image I created was that of a ‘independent and determined’ person.
At that time, my image to others was that of a person who was always confident and clear in what I had to say.
To some extent, this is true.
I quickly become friends with everyone, I like joking around, and I tend to make decisions quickly.
However, I couldn't express it in any way when my heart was truly hurt, especially when it was hurt by someone close to me.
I just suffered alone and endured it.
It's like I let others hurt me and did nothing to protect my heart from suffering.
For such a long time, I lived completely ignoring myself.
I was a coward who pretended to be strong. I was such a small person.
Because I thought of myself as a small being, I did not want to seem easy to others.
That’s why I pretended to be more decisive. I've been living my life pretending to be smarter.
I didn't want the world find out that I didn't actually love myself.
I look back and think to myself how scared I must have been every day.
I want to give a hug to myself in the past.
In fact, in the process of healing myself, I really embraced my past self a lot. Even now, when I tell myself the words that I wanted to hear, tears rush out of my eyes immediately.
I am still in the process of healing myself, but the difference is that now I truly know how to love myself.
There was a lot of study, practice, and training to get this far.
I plan to write this entire process in a book.
I would be truly happy if my story could help people with broken hearts truly realize their actual value. Everyone deserves love just by being themselves the way they are.