Feb 4, 2022 • 16 min read
As I've turned 30 this year, I have given some reflection on the past decade and the insights I've gained. This post is ordered chronologically for each year, highlighting key insights I've learned and will apply to my next decade, and answering questions from other friends and family.
Matching Tampa Bay Rays caps with my cousin, Jackson
It was 2012 and I was in my sophomore year in college. I was definitely exploring myself and trying to make sense of what I really wanted to do. Despite taking the engineering major path, I was still taking a lot of my prerequisite classes. I felt I was studying something that I knew could be lucrative in the future but felt a ton of ambiguity if this path was right for me.
Mirror selfie in the FSU College of Engineering Bathroom
I found myself more reflective and cognizant of my lifestyle. I think I ended up deleting my Instagram and Facebook for a while to take a break, investing more time in the student organizations and friendships I’ve made, and taking a lot of road trips across the country. I found that I was more present and conscious of opportunities that I found in front of me. For better or for worse, I was able to experience a lot of travel and got to meet a ton of new people.
Cruise to the Bahamas having a bathing suit malfunction
I think this was the peak of the very big-headed, pompous Seve. I found a lot of self-confidence in the way that I met new people, I was director of a student organization and honestly felt like I was the shit. My ego was the largest at this point in my life but ultimately found in hindsight that this rubbed people the wrong way. I disregarded how people felt after I was blunt or rude and lost a lot of respect in the relationships I had. Changing this attitude lead me to invest more energy into those I truly cared about.
“Super” Senior Year, Graduating from Florida State University
Studying computer engineering lead me to do a victory lap for my super senior year. I had both felt excited to stay in Tallahassee longer but also anxious if I could even graduate. Somehow, I managed to pass my final classes to graduate, found a job setting up server racks at a beauty company in Newport Beach, handling IT & social media at our family’s restaurant, and babysitting my younger cousins. These were less so jobs and more ways that my family offers ways for me to stay afloat as I went a real job hunt. The job hunt as newly graduated turned out to be near impossible. Of the interviews I got, I almost immediately failed at the coding phases of the process. I started to consider enlisting in the military or working part-time jobs if I couldn't secure anything soon.
Post-haircut selfie
After 6 months of living at home with my parents, I somehow managed to land a job as an entry-level software consultant out of Chicago. This year was spent moving to the windy city, figuring out how to "adult" for the first time, and starting over with not knowing anyone and making friends. Trying to figure out how to handle a 401k, the first time I'm getting paid out a salary, and taxes were all completely new territory for me. I honestly spent a lot of time asking other friends who had been working a while, reading things off Reddit, and managing to listen to personal finance audiobooks. While not saving a ton of money, I started to get a sense of what I was truly able to afford and start finding ways to earn more.
A family vacation in Seattle while traveling for work
I had been consulting for a year now and starting to gain bearings on how my skillsets and career were starting to shape up. Despite being able to travel so much to see old friends and family, work in New York City and meet new friends, the experience was lonely the more I spent in airport terminals and hotel rooms. I joked that I didn't live in Chicago but that was where my mail was being sent. I was constantly traveling which at the beginning was fun and energizing but not being able to live in your own bed is taxing.
Day drinking in the city with the boys: Wony, Mitch, and Matty
After a tough breakup, I took it upon myself to do everything possible to move to New York. This is the city I’ve wanted to live my entire life and I had gained close friends while I traveled there for work. It felt like starting over again, not knowing the area, unsure how to take the subway, but was such a vital point in my 20’s that really changed my attitude about work, friends, and enjoying life. For those that haven't gotten the opportunity, New York is a place where everyone is hustling. I felt inspired by people around me wanting to get their next big break and it drove me to work just as hard. Like they say, you are who you surround yourself with.
Sunbathing on a beach in Bali with Steph
Probably one of the best years in this past decade. I had been dating Steph for a while and had been introduced to her friends. Steph was that missing part in my time consulting before. I remember so many fun weekend brunches, a group trip to Jamaica, visiting Sedona, Bali, and getting to truly explore the city. This was one of those years that I really got to go full YOLO, having met Steph really gave me a partner to share all those memories with as well as the friends I had made. I also started to get a better sense of who I was as a person and Steph truly helped me feel safe and expose that real personality I had been sheltering for so long.
Masked up in the pandemic fall season
COVID obviously put a damper on this year but it was a chance to spend less time out and socializing and more time looking inward. I had hired a therapist for the first time, picked meditation back up and found that 2020 was really a time of reflection and answering questions I had been putting off for a long time. I found myself quitting my first employer and joining a new endeavor, which was a healthy refresh to how I thought about my career and kept trying to secure something new. It just reaffirms my thought of taking more shots improves your chances of landing one.
Engagement with Steph at Lake Louise in Banff, Canada
From the time spent inside and reflecting, I was much more honest with myself of what are the things that I truly enjoy, things that I don’t, and being able to act on those. I made the easy decide to propose to the love of my life, Steph, and ended up getting a little pup too. Closing out my 30s this year I had really learned a lot about myself that I should have already known, yet it took some time to be open and honest with myself. I am looking forward to taking these lessons and experiences that I've had and doubling down on the things that spark joy in my life.
As a summary of my reflections, I've captured bullet points for the insights and lessons I've gathered over the past year.
I attribute my ability in finding an entry-level consulting position, to being able to move to New York, and attracting meaningful people and moments in my life. It might sound a little "woo woo" but either stating out loud or writing out my desires or goals have helped manifest these things into existence. Just as if you were wandering the forest, you have a hard time finding something if you don't know what you're looking for. Being clear about the direction you're wanting to go or the outcome you're wanting to reach is the first step towards making it happen. Asking yourself questions like "Where do you want to live 5 years from now?" or "What career path are you wanting to pursue?" are going to help you reflect and crystalize what you want.
“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
I've been able to learn a lot about design in my career in tech. This is not only about creating visually appealing things but putting together an experience intentionally for who it's meant for. Likewise, thinking in systems has allowed me to understand how different aspects of the way I live my life are related and connected. The point at which you achieve the lifestyle outcome you want to have is by intentionally setting up the system that supports it. For example, if you're spending time scrolling on your phone before going to bed, configure your wifi to cut off at a certain time. If you're wanting to learn how to paint, remove all other distractions other than a paintbrush and canvas. Our behavior is easily molded into our environment, our system, and our lifestyle is a reflection of those.
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
― James Clear, Atomic Habits
This had been something I discovered not through reading or learning from others but a realization I came to during therapy. I had always thought of needing to be manly, strong, likable by all. Throughout my 20's I grew a mentality that things were absolute: either you fell into one side of the camp or the other. This became apparent as I understand those with mental illnesses or for those that don't identify with the gendered binary. It is easy for humans to classify and curate these buckets and categories that we fall into, however many times we fall somewhere on the spectrum. Someone is never truly an "early bird" or "evening lark", somewhere in between. The same thing goes for being introverted or extraverted, I know that I characterize myself differently depending on the situation. Overall, I've become much more comfortable with the lack of absolutes and accept that it's important that you are honest and identify where you fall in between it all. This has given me solace and freedom to break outside the boxes and "be myself".
"Flora or fauna, we are all shapeshifters and magical reinventors. Life is really a plural noun, a caravan of selves."
― Diane Ackerman, Cultivating Delight
Hands down, I've found therapy to be one of the highest impact things I've invested in. Although society is destigmatizing what mental health and wellness look like, I think it is important for everyone to experience it. The upside is that I as well as others I know don't necessarily need to go through therapy continuously, but to use it to teach the tools you need to manage your own mental health on your own. The challenge is it is expensive without insurance and you aren't always guaranteed to find the perfect match. Overall, having the medium to explore and dive deeper into yourself I'd say is something I would have started earlier in this past decade.
A percentage of my paycheck gets deposited into my retirement account and savings every pay cycle. I have most of my portfolio managed through a "bot advisor". I use a budgeting app to allocate funds to groceries, eating out, and saving up for vacations. Saving, investing, and budgeting becomes significantly easier when it's automated. Not all automation solutions are free, but in my opinion, it is definitely money well spent to free myself of the chore to remember and manage those funds. I think there are tons of different solutions out there but here are the ones that I use:
I had given some thought late in my 20's that I was consuming vastly more than I was actually creating. There were mediums such as visual arts, video, music, and more but I found that being able to type words onto a doc was the quickest and easiest way to get started. I quickly started a blog and ended up coming across Ship30for30 on Twitter, which was essentially designed for you to learn by doing, writing small essays for 30 days straight. I found the course affordable and incredibly well-formed to develop the habit of writing as much as understanding patterns for writing online. I don't think writing is only for those wanting to publish a book or have a career in writing, the act of writing has also helped me as a medium of thought. I have so many thoughts in my head that writing out words slows things down and allows me to reason and understand as the process of writing occurs. You don't need to take a course to start, you can start literally right now.
What were the biggest challenges of the 20s? How/Would you approach them differently now?
I found that being the person I wanted to be was highly dictated by others around me. Society was defining what was a good job and great company to work for, how much money and clothes I should be wearing, what music I should enjoy listening to or not. The challenge of knowing the difference of why and how I want to live rather than someone else telling me. I am approaching this by constantly asking what do I want? Not what the colleague in the other department wants, not what the spouse of a friend likes to watch, not the trend on TikTok that says I should dress a certain way. Giving myself the room and the space to manifest what I want in a lifestyle.
If you were talking to your future 20-year-old child/nephew/niece, what habits would you say they should start building? Any advice for them?
Be Kind AF
Continuously ask for help and advice
Get started right now
Read and write, every day
What were the largest points of inflection in your 20s that caused you to change the most physically/mentally/spiritually?
Long story short I ended up losing my front tooth due to stupid mistakes. Before that event had occurred, I had felt such a big head. I was on top of the world, and nothing could ever stop me. I remember disregarding how people felt in the way I spoke to them or the lack of consideration I had for others around me. It was such a humbling experience that really woke me up. This was the physical trauma of obviously having a fake front tooth, but my perspective changed throughout that entire time to be more compassionate for others and mindful of how I come across.
What are the changes you made in your 20s that you will carry on to your 30s?
Prioritize myself
Drink mindfully
Don’t stress about things outside your control
Salary pays the bills, equity builds wealth
What moment during your 20s made you the proudest?
Moving to New York. Luckily, I had the ability to request a transfer from the Chicago headquarters I was currently employed at but there was literally no process or path to do so. Figuring out how to officially transfer was one aspect, finding a place to live, selling my things, and being able to move and make it happen was incredibly ambiguous. I have a lot of my friends to thank in support of my transition during that time but just the fact that I had set moving to New York as a goal and made it happen was incredibly rewarding.
What are the biggest things you wish you accomplished in your 20s?
Honestly, I wish I got started earlier on a lot of things like investing, building my own personal brand, starting on side projects and side hustles. But that’s what I hope to take to my next decade in having the courage to get started on things and dedicate consistent time and energy to them.
What did you do to prepare yourself for your future while you were in your 20s? (like with finances, planning, etc)
Coming out of school I had (and still do have) a lot of student loan debt. I had found myself following a lot of advice to pay off larger interest rate loans like my credit cards and slowly build things up like an emergency fund. The important thing is to pay yourself first, prioritize what are the key things you need to fund in order to be successful in the future. Take those giant amounts and break them down... something like a $10k savings goal breaks down to $28 a day. Depending on what industry you work in, you have to make explicit decisions on what direction you’re wanting to go. Don’t necessarily mean you have to achieve them in a given time, but at least know what your north star is. That way, you can ensure that the time and energy you spend studying or working are helping you inch closer in that direction.
What percentage of your 20s did you feel like you committed to preparing for the future vs having fun?
I honestly would have to say it was pretty evenly split. The downside that I found myself doing was having a bulk amount of fun and then needing to work to sort of catch up. Likewise, if I found myself working to the point of burnout, I would feel I had to take off extra long to catch up on the personal, friend, and self-care that I missed out on. Striking the balance of work and play is tough, but just remember that nothing in life is guaranteed and to be present in everything that you do.
What’s the best piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?
State your desires. Whether it’s being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up to what I wanted for lunch, I was always coy to make that ask. In most cases, I knew exactly what I wanted but just didn’t want to put that on anyone or feel like I needed to share. No one can read minds, you have to let people know in some medium what it is that you want. Who you want to be, who you don’t want to be, where you want to go, what you want to have. Tell your manager that you are trying to become this new role you’ve had no experience in. Tell your friends that you want to spend more time with them. Whether you write something down in your journal or say it to your peers around you, nothing will manifest faster into your life than to state it unwaveringly. It is one thing to think, and another thing to say. The more that you hear it, the more that you read it, the more you will act and do towards it.
Am I making enough to support what I want in the present/future? What can I change?
Fund your lifestyle. Money is simply a medium in which we exchange value. As arrogant as that might sound, I would urge people to first consider what type of lifestyle they want to live before they worry about how much money they need to make. There are a few books I can recommend but I’d tell people to envision what their rich life to be like. Are you driving a certain car? Are you living in a certain type of home? How often are you traveling? Really get into the details of these things. If you truly believe that you’ll be happier living with the lifestyle you’ve stated, make the calculations to see what is the annual income in order to cover those expenses. Most likely you’ll have a gap between the amount of money you’re bringing in today and what your target income should be. Ask yourself how do you close that gap? You really have two levers: Make more money or spend less.
What is something you believe that other people think is insane?
Affirmations. I think of this less as waving sage and gripping crystals and more about actively stating the person you want to become. Writing or saying these things into existence is the biggest step you could take from zero to one. Something swirling in your head as a thought or idea becomes a clearly legible declaration. It is then up to you do, act, say, move towards making that statement a reality.
What is the book (or books) you’ve given most as a gift?
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (Fiction)
Atomic Habits by James Clear (Non-fiction)
What is your favorite documentary or movie?
Fight Club. It was Chuck Palahniuk’s book that was my gateway drug into reading. I was never fascinated by books until I picked this up and the cherry on top of getting to pull it is the film version from blockbuster and watching the movie from a book.
What purchase of $100 or less has most positively impacted your life in the last 6 months?
What are your morning rituals? What do the first 60 minutes of your day look like?
06:00 Wake up, Wash Face, Drink Water, Put on workout clothes
06:30 Work out, Get sun exposure
07:30 Shower, Practice Korean in the shower
What obsessions do you explore on the evenings or weekends?
CLOTHES. Whether it's flipping through the latest lookbook for the upcoming season or trying to hunt and find a piece off Grailed, I truly enjoy the world of fashion and style.
What topic would you speak about if you were asked to give a TED talk on something outside of your main area of expertise?
Either clothes or habit design
What is the worst advice you see or hear being dispensed in your world?
“I need to know X or have Y to get started doing Z.”
If you could have one gigantic billboard anywhere with anything on it, what would it say?
Start that thing today.
How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success? Or, do you have a favorite failure of yours?
I spent 5 years in college studying computer engineering, interviewing at dozens of companies all to find out that I’m not good at programming. That feels like an expensive lesson, however, it really made me ask what are the things that I am good at or that I enjoy. Being able to identify your opportunities makes it easier to see what it is that you are capable of.
What have you changed your mind about in the last few years? Why?
I use to think that in order to gain mastery over something, you must acquire, read and learn all the books related to that thing. I honestly wish I would spend a fraction of the time reading and spending more of it actually trying and doing it, learning how to improve and grow from that.
What do you believe is true, even though you can’t prove it?
Every single person is put on the planet to achieve their purpose whether they know it or not.