The future’s bleak, fresh war and strife.

Deploy, defend some country with your life?

But who to send, vanquish industrialised fear?

Don’t fret, Knights aplenty do live here!

A sacred vow of defence and honour

Time immemorial, the Monarch’s follower

Where she commands, they will obey.

Actors, our betters, will enemies slay.

No fleet or tanks, they will be seen.

Prius and Tesla, one must be green.

And Dames, so as not to sexist mong

Wield the bayonet, show equality’s strong.

 Platoon of cricket, Company celebrity Chefs

Division Foreign Office maul with grisly zest

With chins absent, graceless and queer.

Pity the enemy, and victory cheer.

 Reduce the army, no plebian pounds spend.

Send the ‘elite’, whose proclivities trend!

To lend honour to their vision of society.

Bravery undoubted, in the annals of hilarity.

The noble garter, orders of Empire still

Leap unto the breach, battlecries shrill.

Don’t mock, these of aristocratic affinity.

Their gongs are awarded for masculinity!