This is the craziest story I've ever lived, and it’s the one that gave rise—directly or indirectly—to everything that followed. I wasn’t a crypto drug dealer back then; I was just a poor pothead who played video games, caught between real gunfire in the favela and virtual gunfire on the screen.

This happened two years ago. I was in the middle of my game when my rich, older friend Frank showed up at my house straight from Amsterdam. He showed me a colorful joint, saying it contained part of Mondrian’s soul. I thought he was just talking about the color of the rolling paper—we laughed. We sat down, talked, and decided to smoke the Mondrian Joint.

After we finished, Frank told me he had gotten the bag from a so-called "witch" who lived in Amersfoort, Netherlands. She told him Mondrian had traded his soul for his genius, and she had bought it on the magic market, with a blockchain registration. With his soul, she crafted a bag of infinity, which would make infinite whatever was placed inside it first.

The witch, no fool herself, saw an opportunity to create infinite money. But, being too high, she forgot and instead placed a handful of her best weed, along with rolling paper and a lighter, into the bag before heading out to meet friends. Now in Narcotics Anonymous, she decided to sell the bag to the first buyer—and wouldn’t you know it, Frank was that buyer.

Man, this story is bizarre. I had already noticed the bag glowed and changed colors, but to think it contained infinite marijuana and that it was a magical item from a witch who had bought Mondrian’s soul as an NFT? That was too much. So, I bet Frank we could empty the bag and prove it wasn’t magical. I had no idea how wrong I was...

Our trip was deep. Frank and I turned into vegetables, listening to the Mega Man soundtrack. In that trance, we entered a shared dream full of weed, where everyone looked like Snoop Dogg. The only one who looked different was Mr. Weedy, who seemed to run the place like a godfather of weed.

Something happened when we woke up. Frank had disappeared, and Mr. Weedy was there in his place. Ever since then, Mr. Weedy has lived with me, always giving me terrible advice. Although Frank never contacted me again, I feel like he lives on inside Mr. Weedy.

Time passed and Frank didn’t return, but I went on with my life. Since I kept Frank’s Mondrian bag, I eventually realized it really was magical. Mr. Weedy advised me to start selling all that endless weed and turn this luck into cash.

I had never cared about money before—in fact, I was the holder of Egg #1417, which gave me not only prestige but also great wealth and occult powers. But Mr. Weedy made it all sound so important that I ended up taking his advice. I had a lot of money and a lot of weed when this whole rat tale began.

One day, I noticed the bag was gone. I searched for it and found a couple of rats smoking my joint. The big one, with his buddy next to him, told me he had stolen and hidden the bag—and wouldn’t even let me have a drag from that joint. Bastard! Selfish, stoner rat...

Eventually, I found the bag. The rat had first hidden it on Screensaver and then on Hic et Nunc. I brought it back to OpenSea, but then the rat stole my mushrooms, gained powers, and destroyed my house with laser beams! Gas prices were high, and everything exploded. Now I’d have to sell a lot of crypto skunk just to buy new wearables.

My house was completely destroyed. I was devastated. It had taken me days to build that beautiful mansion in Cryptovoxels, and now it was gone.

Voidkross told me our Portuguese friends could get me a synthetic marijuana joint that would give the rat epileptic seizures. "That rat’s gonna pay," I thought. But to my surprise, when I found the rat having those seizures—he was enjoying it! I think I’m going to try that joint too...

After we recovered the bag from Screensaver v0 and Hic et Nunc, and after the rat ate my mushrooms and destroyed my house with laser eyes, and after I tried to trick him with the synthetic joint—I ended up smoking that synthetic crypto weed myself. And I’m pretty sure I got pulled into the same trip as him.

We were both trying to pick imaginary glowing marijuana leaves, in the prettiest rainbow colors, floating like lights through our fingers.

That joint is making me see double... I'm seeing two rats now! And that naughty rat, on top of invading my house, brought a girlfriend—another stoner rat! Where did she get that joint from? I hope it’s not mine. She’ll see when I get up from this rainbow sofa!

Mr. Weedy first showed up when I dreamt under the influence of the Mondrian Joint. Ever since that night, he’s been with me every day, giving me filthy advice. That’s not such a bad thing, because he’s a chill little guy, always willing to share a high. He was the one who helped me deal with the rat problem, by reminding me of Cacaco Belly Flop’s power.

As soon as Mr. Weedy smoked himself, he remembered Belly Flop’s number. Now, I might finally be free from these rats.

I was tired of those rats taking over my house, my building, and even my clients. I had to stop it. So I called Cacaco Belly Flop, a distinguished ape who knew everyone in the metaverse. He’d know someone who could help.

When Belly arrived, I welcomed him with a nice Belly Flop Joint. But just as we lit it, the rats appeared—lasers blazing. Belly climbed on top of the joint, the rats' lasers set the weed on fire, and with the windows closed, we all got high. Before he left—and he left me drooling on the living room floor, cuddling with the rats—Belly gave me the address of a group of killer cats from the Deep Web who could take care of my problem once and for all.

When I got to the Deep Web, I found a very dark group of cats called The Lost Litter from Sorry. They said they’d do the rat-killing job for 2 ETH. I felt bad for the rats, but come on—they had laser eyes!

Germs’ cat was one of the crew and was selected for the job. She calmly climbed into my lap, but once we got home, she terrified the rats with her blazing laser eyes. Honestly, I think she scared me too...

For a week, it seemed like the rats and their family were gone for good. But what a shock: I caught Katiuscha—Germs’ cat—talking to the rats! I thought she was supposed to kick them out, not team up!

Voidkross warned me they were plotting to rob me. So together with Mr. Weedy, he came up with a plan to save me. Katiuscha and the rats did rob me—my money, a bag of weed—but they didn’t realize they hadn’t taken the real Mondrian bag. That was still with me.

I lost everything except my most precious item: the Mondrian bag. Luckily, I still have friends in the multiverse. Shed Man offered me a place to stay in one of his Cryptovoxels parcels. Now I’m safe from animal attacks—for now. But I’ll have to rebuild my entire fortune.

The metaverse awaits me.

After escaping the thieving rats, I found a painter in the metaverse who gave me a gif painting in memory of my Rat Tale. To this day, I keep that painting by my bed—to remember the hit I took... and to remember that weed-smoking rat I kind of miss.