in sixth grade, i'd arrive at school early to gather w/ friends at the quad until the advisory bell rang. cue the 3 second long bell, we would disperse to our respective classrooms, already anticipating the bell to signal lunch time.

one day, as i was walking to advisory, a big eighth grader, one i vaguely knew thanks to his popularity, stopped me in my tracks, pulled his eyes back, yelled "chink" in my face, then laughed and ran away. i paused in my steps for several seconds before the warning bell urged me to class, else i be marked tardy. the rest of the school day is a blur. i arrived home. i set down my navy jansport. i went to the bathroom to check my face in the mirror. i practiced some scowls, mugged a bit, and soon after walked away satisfied enough with my newly minted "don't fuck with me" aura - the first mask i consciously created for myself.

this shit goes in cycles. i feel like i've shed a lot of masks i was given to me by others. and the most impactful ones i've had are those i intentionally crafted.

which leads to fc - it's my first time anon. it's been fun building this identity from near scratch. i've found it a great way to experiment, to gauge my taste as well as the community's. i've had interesting thoughts around people coordinating w/o knowing each others' "real" selves. but my most profound experience was recognizing my moments of entitlement. whether it was due to engagement (more like lack thereof), the ecosystem, certain users, i saw myself complaining a lot, out loud or in my head, and felt repulsed by it. i'm an agentic person. it was a nice reflection of the visceral reaction i often see in others, within me when i let my mask slip.

"mfers do what they want", "go higher", "left curve", "stop overthinking", "based" - this gets repetitive on my timeline, but i'm better for it. it shapes a big part of this mask i have on and i'm appreciative to be in this space.

whether it's because i've extracted max value out of this identity or want to utilize it to propel more value or maybe i just feel like it, i'm sure i'll dox myself eventually (i'm not even a big deal kek). but until then, i'll keep just doing things with this mask on.