This is written in a massive telegram message through flow of consciousness writing.

I think an outsized amount of my motivation to make money that seems to now snowball in on itself is my desire to essentially be unaccountable to simple societal defaults

Many things I believe I am correct about

Many ways I want to live my life

I am willing to debate things of course

But to be forced into a mold through pure self convenience? No.

If I change, it should be of an actual genuine self conclusion

I’ve needlessly sacrificed a lot of things purely for the basis of my own personal intellectual honesty

As time goes on and as I make more money I continue to disregard certain default societal values

IE: I do not see someone making x money as more inherently >GOOD< as opposed to someone who is shamelessly being a NEET

Of course, I can judge them on the effects they have on others and what not but i do not see those isolated acts themselves as better than one another

I don’t see higher universal value in preparing a powerpoint versus playing a video game

Of course, do things for yourself, do things to be good

But I don’t want to EVER EVER limit myself, at least on the pure basis of NEED, it should be a cool tactical thing i do for fun or something

Of course, this mindset also leads to an endless litany of stupid people thinking they're right about everything because they isolated themselves, many of the rich take full advantage while not having the self analysis ability to genuinely be a good person to wield it. i.e elon musk. I understand this is often rarely a good thing. But I also think most people are stupid in general, at least about something. Something I’ll disagree with them on!

This inherently puts me on similar grounds to these people but I simply trust myself to find the correct truth and be open enough to purposefully expose myself to alternative opinions and not be a pussy ass bitch about it

Say something cringe and nerdy? Social circle ousts you and then you THINK YOU ARE WRONG SIMPLY FOR FACING A CONSEQUENCE?

FUCK THAT

You can be right about something everyone else is wrong about it is entirely possible, look at history

You should feel wrong because you figured out you were wrong

I devalued myself when I was 19 because I did not have money. I devalued myself because i was playing video games and didn’t have money. Maybe some other things. Lack of future hope and blaming myself for it. Looking down on myself simply for not succeeding in the psychopathic clown world. Now I’m the best performer in the circus and I get praise while doing almost all the same shit I did when I was 19. Succeeding on a financial level simply allowed me to feel good about it.

I saw myself as wrong because society did not give the thumbs up, because I was punished

To limit yourself to actions that align with social/monetary gain is rational of course

But it should not ever be what melds your mind, but it often IS

Its useful to meld people of course, many people believe bad things and are socially pressured by others into essentially changing their whole opinion on that pure basis of social consequence

Its good they changed but the reasoning is bad, the cause is bad, it should be from within

Changing your politics to fit in, changing your beliefs, wordings

Its all so convenient and to be fair, I am absurdly lucky to even be able to consider absolute disregarding it

I should be entirely dictated from within, unable to EVER allow myself to EVER believe something purely because it is simply what is most advantageous

Not that i cant use social tact, but I should always have hiding away in a Thailand village and living decadently with random people as an option in my back pocket.

I’m adding this here but part of this is also being lucky enough to meet very cool people who are highly open and can handle people different from them. Have multiple friend groups, always have the choice to switch if you are abandoned. You need financial invincibility and a degree of social invincibility

Araragi once said: Having friends would lower my strength as a human

Throughout the series we sort of see how allowing others to meld you can be quite good, I’m not against that.

But man, I really want to have my cake and eat it too

I want to have absolute strength as a human, financial invincibility and lots of friends

I should never be allow myself to be beholden to others for my own views upon myself.

I should be me