I fear moving forward, I feel a very strong force of resistance that keeps me from going forward. I feel stuck again and again, again and again. I have not been able to perform or produce much for a long time. It has been almost two years of blockage. I feel low and down, disappointed in myself and my business partner. I feel betrayed by my ex-boyfriend. I have come to realize how cheap that relationship was. I feel used and dumped, and of course, there is the saying that I am playing the victim. The thing is it is hard to not see myself that way. It is hard to forgive, the fact that, someone try to kill me when I was merely a child. It is hard to forgive my parents. It is hard to derail from this line of thinking. It is hard to start a new life, a new life in, a life that is not aligned with this mindset. A life where I am free. Free to see what’s really there, free to be there whenever I am there, to do and to be what is right, to do and to be what is true. I am depressed, not being able to find someone who can be with me as merely friends, someone close to my heart, someone right here right now, who can hug me without judgments, who can chat with me all night long, who can hold me when I fall, who can tell me, I don’t need to be alone. I am tired. Real tired. The pain I feel is too connected to the pain that the planet earth is feeling, I feel like this sounds mad, but it is true. This is the first time I write this on a medium that is not my mind, and I feel relieved. I am happier and lighter letting this out. The pain I feel is too deep, too ancient, too prolonged, and ingrained. I feel politically oppressed, I feel spiritually drained. I wish to be free. I wish to see through all tricks. I wish to live in truth. I wish to be loved.