In quantum mechanics, the position and nature of electrons are described by the Schrödinger equation. Atoms contain electron orbitals, which describe the probability distribution of where an orbiting electron is likely to be found. This outermost layer determines the bonding between atoms.

When two atoms bond, they share an electron. There are two main types of bond, apparently - covalent and ionic - but we aren't interested in that for now.

Essentially, every electron in a molecule (made up of atoms with orbiting electrons) has a wave function, which describes its relation with the rest of the system. So, let's take a moment to describe how the wave functions of electrons in a molecule determines the nature of the bonds between the atoms.

When two atoms bond, the wave functions of the electrons in the outermost energy level overlap. This overlap changes the electron density around the atoms, leading to molecular orbitals.

Molecular orbitals are like electron orbitals around an atom, except they're around the molecule - encompassing both atoms. Essentially, two atoms combining, combines the atomic orbitals of the atoms to form electron orbitals for the molecule as a whole.

Remember, we still haven't really said the electron has any being, so to speak. We have so far described it almost entirely by its inverse - the effect it has on this larger system, the atom, or, the molecule.

Back to bonding between atoms... Two types of molecular orbitals are typically formed: bonding and anti-bonding orbitals.

Now, here's the relational part.

Whether a bond forms between two atoms depends on the energy of the molecular orbitals. The energy of molecular orbitals are determined by several factors, and hence, quickly become complex for anything beyond the simplest molecules.

Humans are complex systems. Life is complex systems. These bonds forming between atoms are the chemical bonds that give rise to DNA. DNA encodes the genetic information of the organism. The evolution of genetic information is a significant factor that gives rise to the evolution of life.

Whether a bond forms between two humans depends on the energy of the humans, does it not?

Now, there is a very clear purpose in the forming of bonds between atoms. A bond will form if this results in a lower overall energy of the system - i.e. if the system as a whole is more stable than the separate atoms.

So, this raises the questions...

Why would two humans be more stable together than apart? Why would two humans be more stable apart than together? What is stability? What is instability?

If the behaviour of human systems is emergent from the energy of the system, is the energy of the system ultimately determined by the energy of these molecular orbitals? If so, how many dimensions of organising information - genetic, physiological, psychological, emotional, intentional - determine the energy of these molecular orbitals?

What these questions might start to take tiny little steps toward is that the state of our energy system determines the course of our lives. If we take care to support the health of our energy system, this also makes a contribution to the nature of the bonds we form. If the bonds we form are our relationships, and the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lived experience, then it's clearly very important to take care of ourselves... Right?!

For a given energy system, some relationships will form bonding orbitals, some antibonding. When there are fears rooted deeply within the unconscious of an individual, which obscure the deep-rooted needs not being addressed, this stored energy (blocked e-motion), influences the energy system of the individual. For this energy system, the relationships that seem most fulfilling - thus, leading to bonding orbitals - may indeed be ones that lead to triggering this fear. I.e. Anxious-avoidant attachment dynamics.

Unstable is stable. This is co-dependency. This is where we repeat patterns learned from childhood in unstable environments. To become secure literally requires familiarising yourself with the process of maintaining the health of your energy system. This surely involved bringing into consciousness the factors that are influencing the energy system.

This, as said before, is complex - psychological, physiological, emotional, intentional, genetic - but it seems, based on this ramble about the quantum mechanical foundations of chemical bonds, that becoming more conscious of your energy system is ultimately the determining factor of the quality of relationships in your lived experience.