Did you smile when you saw this sentence? Well, don't pretend to be the virgin. We all have human things. Of course, we usually only admit that "I'm sorry my friend failed", because it seems noble. Although "my friend is the first in the exam, I'm more sad" is also an objective existence, it must be carefully hidden, otherwise it will be tantamount to declaring me dirty, small bellied, dark, unreasonable and jealous. Is it really that evil? I don't think so. Wang Xiaobo said that all human suffering is essentially anger at his incompetence. This is quite reasonable. However, since some people may not be so angry, "anger" can also be said to be "anxiety". You don't have to be sad if your friend gets promoted and gets rich The pain brought to you by your friend's first test should be out of "anxiety about your incompetence", not just what people usually think of as jealousy. The root cause is that you and your friends live in the same circle. In the face of common and limited resources, if TA suddenly shows strong ability, it indicates that he will occupy more resources, while you, who are at a disadvantage, will have to give up what should belong to you. If you don't have much, you will naturally feel threatened, and naturally feel anxious, panic Sadness, self blame, depression... So many negative emotions hit, do you want to be sad? I remember a reader came to me last year and said that the personnel adjustment of the unit. A colleague who entered the unit one year later than her was promoted to her leadership without warning. In fact, she was far inferior to her career performance, but would please the boss. She was particularly disappointed with this employment mechanism. After nearly half a year, she still couldn't adjust her mentality, especially resisted her work, wanted to resign but didn't have the courage, and the negative energy of the whole person burst out. I carefully decomposed it for her. The origin of the pain should be as follows: She is eager for promotion. Her performance is better than that of her colleague, so she must be promoted first by default. My colleague got a promotion and robbed her of her potential cheese. The reason why colleagues succeed is that they will please the leaders, which she can't do at all. If she flatters the leadership, she will have no hope of promotion. Anxiety. pain. The pain is reasonable, but I don't think I need to immerse myself in it. Because what really hurts her is not that she hasn't been promoted - if the unit doesn't have this personnel adjustment, or if the person promoted is a person with better performance than her, or if she can win the favor of the leaders, I'm sure she won't be sad for half a year. What she is struggling with is that this unit needs to be able to flatter in order to be promoted, and she doesn't have this ability. In essence, she is still "anxious about her incompetence". But is she really incompetent? Her performance is very good. She can't do such a good performance without some real skills, can she? Since we have capital and ability, why should we be so worried? So my advice to her is that if this unit always employs people like this, leave as soon as possible. If it's just a leader's personal preference, continue to do a good job and wait for the opportunity. Of course, it is also necessary to try to improve their interpersonal skills. Later, I saw her change her job in my circle of friends, and now she has become the vice president. As soon as I turned around, the sea and sky were wide. Sometimes we are trapped by a narrow vision, because the success we can see comes from some specific strength, and we just can't do it in these aspects, so we can't help but lose heart. Wilde said: difficulties from the enemy can be tolerated, but success from friends can not be tolerated. This seemingly strange human nature actually has a reasonable root - the difficulties of the enemy are the challenges of the world to you, while the success of your friends will reflect your incompetence. You can face the challenges firmly, but it is difficult to accept your incompetence happily. A considerable part of human distress comes from "the success of friends" and from the comparison with the people around us. Therefore, people often hear that "just be yourself, don't compare with others". That's easy to say, but in fact no one can do it. In the human brain, there is a program of "referring to and imitating others". No one can violate the natural attribute, pay no attention to others, and only play their own calmly - even if they do, they are unlikely to play well. Because a person's understanding of himself largely comes from the comparison with the people around him. By looking at others, we can more accurately recognize ourselves, understand our strengths, weaknesses, uniqueness and mediocrity. This kind of reference is very necessary, but we need to find our strengths in this comparison, rather than only see our weaknesses through the success of our friends. I have a friend who is a master of ceremonies. He has done a very good job. The owner is not dissatisfied with the wedding banquet or celebration he presides over. If you want to find him, you have to make an appointment two months in advance. He is very good at singing and often makes two sentences casually when hosting, which amazes the whole audience. Once I praised him for his good singing. He smiled and said not to mention it. It turned out that this guy studied vocal music in college. Although his voice was also good, he was not very good in the professional team. Therefore, his professional achievements were basically at the bottom of the whole college period. He watched other students perform and win awards. He was very distressed. He once suffered from depression, couldn't sleep all night and took antidepressants for four months. After graduating from college, he directly changed his career to sales, but he was also unhappy. Until a colleague got married and said you were eloquent and funny. Just get together and be a master of ceremonies. I'll save some money. He went there. Unexpectedly, the effect was very good. Later, his colleagues in the company came to him when they got married. He slowly found that he was quite good at this material. He simply resigned and became a full-time Master of ceremonies. His life has changed since then. Later, I thought that this friend's frustration in college was entirely caused by elephants climbing trees compared with monkeys, watching others climb higher and higher one by one, and easily throwing themselves for more than ten blocks. Everyone would suffer - that is, worry about their incompetence. But think about it calmly. Life is a vast arena. If you can't climb trees, you can compare running. If you can't run, you can't compare swimming, swimming can't compare weightlifting. Maybe you are inferior in many aspects, but as long as you have an advantage project, you may become a human winner. And I always firmly believe that no normal person is stupid enough to be good for nothing. God must have prepared everyone with a sharp weapon to fight with life. The only problem is whether you find it or not. Therefore, you don't have to be very anxious to see others holding a sword. It's likely that you have a gun in your arms. When you are beaten down, think about whether you have compared the wrong items. Touch your pocket and find the ability that makes you most confident, likes you most and often brings you a sense of superiority. That is your weapon. Take it out and fight in the battlefield that belongs to you.

Did you smile when you saw this sentence? Well, don't pretend to be the virgin. We all have human things. Of course, we usually only admit that "I'm sorry my friend failed", because it seems noble. Although "my friend is the first in the exam, I'm more sad" is also an objective existence, it must be carefully hidden, otherwise it will be tantamount to declaring me dirty, small bellied, dark, unreasonable and jealous. Is it really that evil? I don't think so. Wang Xiaobo said that all human suffering is essentially anger at his incompetence. This is quite reasonable. However, since some people may not be so angry, "anger" can also be said to be "anxiety". You don't have to be sad if your friend gets promoted and gets rich The pain brought to you by your friend's first test should be out of "anxiety about your incompetence", not just what people usually think of as jealousy. The root cause is that you and your friends live in the same circle. In the face of common and limited resources, if TA suddenly shows strong ability, it indicates that he will occupy more resources, while you, who are at a disadvantage, will have to give up what should belong to you. If you don't have much, you will naturally feel threatened, and naturally feel anxious, panic Sadness, self blame, depression... So many negative emotions hit, do you want to be sad? I remember a reader came to me last year and said that the personnel adjustment of the unit. A colleague who entered the unit one year later than her was promoted to her leadership without warning. In fact, she was far inferior to her career performance, but would please the boss. She was particularly disappointed with this employment mechanism. After nearly half a year, she still couldn't adjust her mentality, especially resisted her work, wanted to resign but didn't have the courage, and the negative energy of the whole person burst out. I carefully decomposed it for her. The origin of the pain should be as follows: She is eager for promotion. Her performance is better than that of her colleague, so she must be promoted first by default. My colleague got a promotion and robbed her of her potential cheese. The reason why colleagues succeed is that they will please the leaders, which she can't do at all. If she flatters the leadership, she will have no hope of promotion. Anxiety. pain. The pain is reasonable, but I don't think I need to immerse myself in it. Because what really hurts her is not that she hasn't been promoted - if the unit doesn't have this personnel adjustment, or if the person promoted is a person with better performance than her, or if she can win the favor of the leaders, I'm sure she won't be sad for half a year. What she is struggling with is that this unit needs to be able to flatter in order to be promoted, and she doesn't have this ability. In essence, she is still "anxious about her incompetence". But is she really incompetent? Her performance is very good. She can't do such a good performance without some real skills, can she? Since we have capital and ability, why should we be so worried? So my advice to her is that if this unit always employs people like this, leave as soon as possible. If it's just a leader's personal preference, continue to do a good job and wait for the opportunity. Of course, it is also necessary to try to improve their interpersonal skills. Later, I saw her change her job in my circle of friends, and now she has become the vice president. As soon as I turned around, the sea and sky were wide. Sometimes we are trapped by a narrow vision, because the success we can see comes from some specific strength, and we just can't do it in these aspects, so we can't help but lose heart. Wilde said: difficulties from the enemy can be tolerated, but success from friends can not be tolerated. This seemingly strange human nature actually has a reasonable root - the difficulties of the enemy are the challenges of the world to you, while the success of your friends will reflect your incompetence. You can face the challenges firmly, but it is difficult to accept your incompetence happily. A considerable part of human distress comes from "the success of friends" and from the comparison with the people around us. Therefore, people often hear that "just be yourself, don't compare with others". That's easy to say, but in fact no one can do it. In the human brain, there is a program of "referring to and imitating others". No one can violate the natural attribute, pay no attention to others, and only play their own calmly - even if they do, they are unlikely to play well. Because a person's understanding of himself largely comes from the comparison with the people around him. By looking at others, we can more accurately recognize ourselves, understand our strengths, weaknesses, uniqueness and mediocrity. This kind of reference is very necessary, but we need to find our strengths in this comparison, rather than only see our weaknesses through the success of our friends. I have a friend who is a master of ceremonies. He has done a very good job. The owner is not dissatisfied with the wedding banquet or celebration he presides over. If you want to find him, you have to make an appointment two months in advance. He is very good at singing and often makes two sentences casually when hosting, which amazes the whole audience. Once I praised him for his good singing. He smiled and said not to mention it. It turned out that this guy studied vocal music in college. Although his voice was also good, he was not very good in the professional team. Therefore, his professional achievements were basically at the bottom of the whole college period. He watched other students perform and win awards. He was very distressed. He once suffered from depression, couldn't sleep all night and took antidepressants for four months. After graduating from college, he directly changed his career to sales, but he was also unhappy. Until a colleague got married and said you were eloquent and funny. Just get together and be a master of ceremonies. I'll save some money. He went there. Unexpectedly, the effect was very good. Later, his colleagues in the company came to him when they got married. He slowly found that he was quite good at this material. He simply resigned and became a full-time Master of ceremonies. His life has changed since then. Later, I thought that this friend's frustration in college was entirely caused by elephants climbing trees compared with monkeys, watching others climb higher and higher one by one, and easily throwing themselves for more than ten blocks. Everyone would suffer - that is, worry about their incompetence. But think about it calmly. Life is a vast arena. If you can't climb trees, you can compare running. If you can't run, you can't compare swimming, swimming can't compare weightlifting. Maybe you are inferior in many aspects, but as long as you have an advantage project, you may become a human winner. And I always firmly believe that no normal person is stupid enough to be good for nothing. God must have prepared everyone with a sharp weapon to fight with life. The only problem is whether you find it or not. Therefore, you don't have to be very anxious to see others holding a sword. It's likely that you have a gun in your arms. When you are beaten down, think about whether you have compared the wrong items. Touch your pocket and find the ability that makes you most confident, likes you most and often brings you a sense of superiority. That is your weapon. Take it out and fight in the battlefield that belongs to you.