Yesterday was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. My convocation day. The day I finally got to say, “I did it.” But honestly, it didn’t feel like that. It felt like everything that could go wrong emotionally, did.

My mom wasn’t around, she’s out of the country. My dad came, but just for the service. He didn’t even stop by my tent where the actual celebration was happening. He just wanted to rush home. My elder brother tried to stay a little, but that didn’t last long either. Before I knew it, they had dropped all my things; souvenirs, bags, everything and left for Lagos.

By then, I was already hot, hungry, tired, and irritated. I had no network. And suddenly it all hit me at once. I was overwhelmed.

The thing that made it worse was remembering my secondary school graduation. That one was terrible too, I was sick, literally on drip, and spent half the day in the sick bay. So I thought this one would be different. That this one would finally feel like joy.

I mean, I worked hard for this degree. A 4.80 CGPA isn’t beans. But somehow, it still felt empty.

Thank God for my friends-Christa, Esther, Benjamin, Jesutomi, Belema, Mine, Deborah, and Pelumi. They say under my tent almost the entire time. I did cry though. Like, real tears. And that’s not something I do often. I rarely cry. But I did yesterday.

And the hardest part? Watching everyone else with their parents. Taking pictures. Laughing. Hugging. It was my convocation day, yet I felt so alone.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this, or what I want to say with it. Maybe I just needed to put my feelings somewhere. Maybe this is me trying to make sense of it all.

Because yes, I graduated. Yes, I made it. But did I really feel like I did? I got the result, but did I get the joy that was supposed to come with it? I don’t know.

All I know is that yesterday, I wept. I’ll probably never want to relive that day, but I know I’ll always remember it. Not because of the certificate or the gown or the applause, but because of how it felt to finally achieve something and still feel completely unseen.

So yeah. I graduated yesterday… or did I?

Yesterday was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. My convocation day. The day I finally got to say, “I did it.” But honestly, it didn’t feel like that. It felt like everything that could go wrong emotionally, did.

My mom wasn’t around, she’s out of the country. My dad came, but just for the service. He didn’t even stop by my tent where the actual celebration was happening. He just wanted to rush home. My elder brother tried to stay a little, but that didn’t last long either. Before I knew it, they had dropped all my things; souvenirs, bags, everything and left for Lagos.

By then, I was already hot, hungry, tired, and irritated. I had no network. And suddenly it all hit me at once. I was overwhelmed.

The thing that made it worse was remembering my secondary school graduation. That one was terrible too, I was sick, literally on drip, and spent half the day in the sick bay. So I thought this one would be different. That this one would finally feel like joy.

I mean, I worked hard for this degree. A 4.80 CGPA isn’t beans. But somehow, it still felt empty.

Thank God for my friends-Christa, Esther, Benjamin, Jesutomi, Belema, Mine, Deborah, and Pelumi. They say under my tent almost the entire time. I did cry though. Like, real tears. And that’s not something I do often. I rarely cry. But I did yesterday.

And the hardest part? Watching everyone else with their parents. Taking pictures. Laughing. Hugging. It was my convocation day, yet I felt so alone.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this, or what I want to say with it. Maybe I just needed to put my feelings somewhere. Maybe this is me trying to make sense of it all.

Because yes, I graduated. Yes, I made it. But did I really feel like I did? I got the result, but did I get the joy that was supposed to come with it? I don’t know.

All I know is that yesterday, I wept. I’ll probably never want to relive that day, but I know I’ll always remember it. Not because of the certificate or the gown or the applause, but because of how it felt to finally achieve something and still feel completely unseen.

So yeah. I graduated yesterday… or did I?