Simply put, all the fading is due to the "difference of Tao". Carefully speaking, when you are young, there are 100 reasons for a hundred friends to fade. Our prejudice, childishness and selfishness can all become killers of friendship. In primary school, I made good friends with two people with "Wei" in their names. It was good enough to eat and sleep with each other. Weijia and I are still friendly, but Weiyi was out of our iron triangle in junior high school, just because he fought, fell in love and smoked after junior high school. At that time, Weijia and I thought he was "bad", so we gradually lost contact. Now think about it, just because of our narrowness, we missed a righteous friend. When I was a sophomore in senior high school, a girl in my class was very kind to me. She brought breakfast to each other and kept talking. Once I heard someone gossip that I "looked honest and won the class flower so soon. It's not easy". Because of such a simple rumor, I deliberately alienated her - when I realized how stupid I was, I couldn't go back. After growing up, the reason for the weakening of the original close friend relationship is simply that they have embarked on different roads and the intersection of life is less and less, so there are fewer common topics, they no longer need each other, they are no longer interested in each other's affairs, they have less and less contact, and their feelings gradually fade. If they want to talk again, they find that they have nothing to say. These people once warmed my life and were witnesses of my life. I was too sad to think of their departure. And the intimacy of new friends faded again for a period of time, just because the emotional foundation was so shallow that it was almost no regret to lose it, but hugging needed too much extra pay, so let it go. You come, I'll pick you up in any storm; When you're leaving, I'll just say take care, not stay. Those friends who have never faded do not always walk together, but although they have embarked on different roads, they still resonate with each other every time they meet again and feel that they have the same goal through different paths. For example, Weijia and I are like this; Or although you and I have made a special journey, they are full of curiosity and concern about each other's lives and are willing to be with you like brothers and sisters, such as me and my other friends. Amos, there's no other way out of my heart. This is an answer that changes cognition with age. At present, my conclusion is: As we grow, we need more and more, but the growth of ability is slower and slower, and even encounter bottlenecks. So we can only gradually abandon some less important things and release resources and space for new pursuit. An extended question: Generally speaking, in the pursuit of friendship, what are we pursuing? Trust and being trusted, communication at the same ideological level, valuable information, seeking help and support, obtaining continuous goodwill and care, someone willing to spend time on me for no reason, alliances in common pursuit, and so on. I can cite more similar conclusions, but there is no doubt that we understand that these pursuits can never be realized in the same person, and our pursuit and judgment of friendship are different at different stages of life. In the final analysis, we are only pursuing these two things: A person who is willing to satisfy me, I call this willingness "intimacy" A person who has the ability to satisfy me, I call this ability "reciprocity" According to the above conclusion, let's compare real life. When we were young, due to the limited scope of activities, our good friends were usually our next door neighbors or classmates. The reason why we become good friends is also very simple. It's much more interesting to play together than one person. At this time, we don't need much. Basically, someone is willing to accompany you, and the age is similar, which almost meets our needs, and there is little choice. With entering a higher school, we need more and more things, including achievements, competition and "adult love". Even if there are friends who don't talk about anything, they have to reduce the opportunities to communicate with each other because they have to spend time studying and preparing for the next exam. But if I were a very smart child who didn't need to spend too much time but got good grades, maybe I could spend more time maintaining this emotion. College is a transitional stage. Generally speaking, it is the most likely period to meet lifelong friends. Interests and hobbies are basically stereotyped, and we have a vague general judgment on the future direction. More importantly, at this time, our choice has become larger. We can start to make choices and choices about social relations. We also understand that our former friends are largely due to the limitation of the range of choices. But what puzzles us is that Mingming is very careful in choosing friends, and everyone attaches great importance to their relationship. A few years later, the feelings between good friends began to fade. At this time, someone will come to the conclusion that: We have embarked on different roads. As the intersection becomes less, it naturally becomes lighter. This conclusion cannot be said to be wrong, but in fact, to be more straightforward, it is equivalent to saying: I hope to make some achievements in this field, but you can't provide me with the necessary contacts, resources, knowledge and experience. Compared with the pleasant experience brought by getting along with you, what I want now is my achievements in this field, which is more important to me. So I have to spend more time and energy with you on the conditions necessary to pursue success. How can the relationship not fade in this way? Those friendships that are thought to be weakened due to different roads are essentially because the other party's ability to meet me is reduced, and the "degree of reciprocity" is reduced. And everyone's "intimacy" is not much. In other words, in fact, there are not so many good friends with deep friendship as expected. Psychology tells us that we can become good friends because we meet frequently, have similar life experience and background, have common beliefs, and even because they are good-looking, noble and helpful. If any of these conditions change, the friendship between the two people may be challenged. What's more, when we grow up, we have formed our own values, know what is the most important thing for ourselves, and begin to try to give up some less important things in order to make ourselves light. Many times we pursue friendship, in fact, for some additional products brought by friendship. When we see this and have some additional options, the pursuit of profit maximization becomes indisputable. Of course, in terms of nature, we want everything, but just like toys when I was a child, if I am rich enough to have a big house to hold all my things and don't have to throw away any of them, I may want to take them out and play with them to help me recall the past. However, the house price in first tier cities is tens of thousands of yuan per square meter. With the same pay, I can buy the latest Apple products to please myself, buy gifts for leaders, strive for promotion, participate in training and education to improve myself. From this perspective, it can also be said that our values have ruined our friendship. Finally, and most importantly, our own limitations: Without enough ability, time and wisdom, we can't maintain all our interpersonal relationships. ability Biologist Dunbar once had a research result, which concluded that the upper limit of our human cerebral cortex is to maintain the social relationship of 150 people at the same time. This is the famous "Dunbar number". In addition, where people gather, they will naturally form classes and resources will flow to the upper class. This inequality is another famous and magical "28 law". Therefore, on the premise of unequal resources and limitations, we will subconsciously divide all social relations into 369 grades (psychological distance concentric circle), and spend 80% of our time and energy communicating with 20% of the most important people. In addition, with the flow of resources and the change of their own positioning, everyone's social value has been changing. New people will replace old people, good friends will replace old friends, and someone will disappear as they walk. Even baboons do that. time When regarded as a resource, time has four characteristics: inelastic supply, unable to accumulate, irreplaceable and unable to recover. Effective time management is of great significance. Establishing personal values is the first step of time management. Because if your values are not clear, it is difficult for you to know what is most important to you. When your values are not clear, your time allocation must be bad. This is our second bottleneck, when one has a lot of choices and greater freedom. He can spend the same time chatting with old friends. He can also play games, watch movies, travel and exercise at home. Because time is limited, when you make a choice, you can't go back. Many times, especially in modern society, there are so many playthings to please you and me. When a person has no long-term plan and tries to make a choice by instinct, it's really hard to think of what to do for his friends. wisdom Wisdom is a penetrating power directed to the original heart, far-reaching and long-lasting. When we put too many options in front of us, can you see all the stories behind before choosing? "I am just an ordinary person". Recognizing this reality is an important lesson in the process of growing up. I have the same 99.9% genes as 99% of the people in the world. But also ordinary people, why can't they be happy friends after making their own choices? Because we all lack wisdom, the only ability can only focus on the immediate goal and have no time to look around. In the final analysis, it's still your ability. You can't choose arbitrarily. We are not Spiderman. Our ability is very small. We can only be good to the people around us.

Simply put, all the fading is due to the "difference of Tao". Carefully speaking, when you are young, there are 100 reasons for a hundred friends to fade. Our prejudice, childishness and selfishness can all become killers of friendship. In primary school, I made good friends with two people with "Wei" in their names. It was good enough to eat and sleep with each other. Weijia and I are still friendly, but Weiyi was out of our iron triangle in junior high school, just because he fought, fell in love and smoked after junior high school. At that time, Weijia and I thought he was "bad", so we gradually lost contact. Now think about it, just because of our narrowness, we missed a righteous friend. When I was a sophomore in senior high school, a girl in my class was very kind to me. She brought breakfast to each other and kept talking. Once I heard someone gossip that I "looked honest and won the class flower so soon. It's not easy". Because of such a simple rumor, I deliberately alienated her - when I realized how stupid I was, I couldn't go back. After growing up, the reason for the weakening of the original close friend relationship is simply that they have embarked on different roads and the intersection of life is less and less, so there are fewer common topics, they no longer need each other, they are no longer interested in each other's affairs, they have less and less contact, and their feelings gradually fade. If they want to talk again, they find that they have nothing to say. These people once warmed my life and were witnesses of my life. I was too sad to think of their departure. And the intimacy of new friends faded again for a period of time, just because the emotional foundation was so shallow that it was almost no regret to lose it, but hugging needed too much extra pay, so let it go. You come, I'll pick you up in any storm; When you're leaving, I'll just say take care, not stay. Those friends who have never faded do not always walk together, but although they have embarked on different roads, they still resonate with each other every time they meet again and feel that they have the same goal through different paths. For example, Weijia and I are like this; Or although you and I have made a special journey, they are full of curiosity and concern about each other's lives and are willing to be with you like brothers and sisters, such as me and my other friends. Amos, there's no other way out of my heart. This is an answer that changes cognition with age. At present, my conclusion is: As we grow, we need more and more, but the growth of ability is slower and slower, and even encounter bottlenecks. So we can only gradually abandon some less important things and release resources and space for new pursuit. An extended question: Generally speaking, in the pursuit of friendship, what are we pursuing? Trust and being trusted, communication at the same ideological level, valuable information, seeking help and support, obtaining continuous goodwill and care, someone willing to spend time on me for no reason, alliances in common pursuit, and so on. I can cite more similar conclusions, but there is no doubt that we understand that these pursuits can never be realized in the same person, and our pursuit and judgment of friendship are different at different stages of life. In the final analysis, we are only pursuing these two things: A person who is willing to satisfy me, I call this willingness "intimacy" A person who has the ability to satisfy me, I call this ability "reciprocity" According to the above conclusion, let's compare real life. When we were young, due to the limited scope of activities, our good friends were usually our next door neighbors or classmates. The reason why we become good friends is also very simple. It's much more interesting to play together than one person. At this time, we don't need much. Basically, someone is willing to accompany you, and the age is similar, which almost meets our needs, and there is little choice. With entering a higher school, we need more and more things, including achievements, competition and "adult love". Even if there are friends who don't talk about anything, they have to reduce the opportunities to communicate with each other because they have to spend time studying and preparing for the next exam. But if I were a very smart child who didn't need to spend too much time but got good grades, maybe I could spend more time maintaining this emotion. College is a transitional stage. Generally speaking, it is the most likely period to meet lifelong friends. Interests and hobbies are basically stereotyped, and we have a vague general judgment on the future direction. More importantly, at this time, our choice has become larger. We can start to make choices and choices about social relations. We also understand that our former friends are largely due to the limitation of the range of choices. But what puzzles us is that Mingming is very careful in choosing friends, and everyone attaches great importance to their relationship. A few years later, the feelings between good friends began to fade. At this time, someone will come to the conclusion that: We have embarked on different roads. As the intersection becomes less, it naturally becomes lighter. This conclusion cannot be said to be wrong, but in fact, to be more straightforward, it is equivalent to saying: I hope to make some achievements in this field, but you can't provide me with the necessary contacts, resources, knowledge and experience. Compared with the pleasant experience brought by getting along with you, what I want now is my achievements in this field, which is more important to me. So I have to spend more time and energy with you on the conditions necessary to pursue success. How can the relationship not fade in this way? Those friendships that are thought to be weakened due to different roads are essentially because the other party's ability to meet me is reduced, and the "degree of reciprocity" is reduced. And everyone's "intimacy" is not much. In other words, in fact, there are not so many good friends with deep friendship as expected. Psychology tells us that we can become good friends because we meet frequently, have similar life experience and background, have common beliefs, and even because they are good-looking, noble and helpful. If any of these conditions change, the friendship between the two people may be challenged. What's more, when we grow up, we have formed our own values, know what is the most important thing for ourselves, and begin to try to give up some less important things in order to make ourselves light. Many times we pursue friendship, in fact, for some additional products brought by friendship. When we see this and have some additional options, the pursuit of profit maximization becomes indisputable. Of course, in terms of nature, we want everything, but just like toys when I was a child, if I am rich enough to have a big house to hold all my things and don't have to throw away any of them, I may want to take them out and play with them to help me recall the past. However, the house price in first tier cities is tens of thousands of yuan per square meter. With the same pay, I can buy the latest Apple products to please myself, buy gifts for leaders, strive for promotion, participate in training and education to improve myself. From this perspective, it can also be said that our values have ruined our friendship. Finally, and most importantly, our own limitations: Without enough ability, time and wisdom, we can't maintain all our interpersonal relationships. ability Biologist Dunbar once had a research result, which concluded that the upper limit of our human cerebral cortex is to maintain the social relationship of 150 people at the same time. This is the famous "Dunbar number". In addition, where people gather, they will naturally form classes and resources will flow to the upper class. This inequality is another famous and magical "28 law". Therefore, on the premise of unequal resources and limitations, we will subconsciously divide all social relations into 369 grades (psychological distance concentric circle), and spend 80% of our time and energy communicating with 20% of the most important people. In addition, with the flow of resources and the change of their own positioning, everyone's social value has been changing. New people will replace old people, good friends will replace old friends, and someone will disappear as they walk. Even baboons do that. time When regarded as a resource, time has four characteristics: inelastic supply, unable to accumulate, irreplaceable and unable to recover. Effective time management is of great significance. Establishing personal values is the first step of time management. Because if your values are not clear, it is difficult for you to know what is most important to you. When your values are not clear, your time allocation must be bad. This is our second bottleneck, when one has a lot of choices and greater freedom. He can spend the same time chatting with old friends. He can also play games, watch movies, travel and exercise at home. Because time is limited, when you make a choice, you can't go back. Many times, especially in modern society, there are so many playthings to please you and me. When a person has no long-term plan and tries to make a choice by instinct, it's really hard to think of what to do for his friends. wisdom Wisdom is a penetrating power directed to the original heart, far-reaching and long-lasting. When we put too many options in front of us, can you see all the stories behind before choosing? "I am just an ordinary person". Recognizing this reality is an important lesson in the process of growing up. I have the same 99.9% genes as 99% of the people in the world. But also ordinary people, why can't they be happy friends after making their own choices? Because we all lack wisdom, the only ability can only focus on the immediate goal and have no time to look around. In the final analysis, it's still your ability. You can't choose arbitrarily. We are not Spiderman. Our ability is very small. We can only be good to the people around us.