In my marriage emotional counseling, I often encounter a kind of case complaint: two people always quarrel with each other, feel that their lover has psychological problems, and want each other to receive psychological counseling. Instead, the other party says it's my fault, so I should receive psychological counseling. As a result, those who are not convinced seem to lose after receiving psychological counseling first, and then their mutual feelings go into an irreparable dead end in constant quarrels, anger and breakups. Arguing about right and wrong can not save your marriage, but make it worse and worse. In fact, in marital emotional counseling, psychological counseling is not a way to judge right and wrong, but through some adjustments to make the feelings present more opportunities and possibilities before the feelings are exhausted. So, in the mode of arguing who is right and who is wrong, what misunderstandings can be further seen and thought? Would rather hurt each other, but also to distinguish who is right and who is wrong Arguing about right and wrong is a way to excite and frustrate each other. We know it hurts a lot. Why argue? Many people say that if I don't say it, I feel uncomfortable and feel particularly wronged. I think I'm right and he / she is wrong, so I hope to change each other. If the other party also holds this view and feels that he is right, then the other party will feel wronged. The expectations behind each other are not understood, which leads to the unmet needs of each other in the relationship. Although the relationship exists, the actual function has been lost. In this way, when each other's patience is worn out in the competition day after day, the survival of the relationship will be very dangerous. Only one person is right and the other is wrong This mode of thinking is mostly influenced by our growth system. When I was young, my family often told me what was right and what was wrong; We are always influenced by the ideas of authoritative teachers or leaders after a long study career and work in society. They always tell themselves what is right and wrong. Therefore, our growth atmosphere does not give us the basis and nourishment to treat problems dialectically. We often see some adolescent children who always feel that they are right and the world is wrong. As the saying goes: what a paranoid parent will raise what a paranoid child. When our parents can only look at problems from the point of view that they are right and others are wrong, it is difficult for our children not to inherit our behavior model. Either you listen to me or I don't care about you A person's mature thinking system can see both himself and each other. If we can't do it, our cognitive model needs to be more mature. Some people will ask whether there is no dispute between right and wrong, so I don't care and don't say what I think. In fact, this is the other extreme. Others say that as a family, there are many problems to be solved. If we don't distinguish right from wrong, there will be problems in the daily operation of the family. In fact, what everyone needs most is not that others must do it according to their own ideas, but that they hope the other party can understand their expectations. When the wronged part is taken care of, they will feel that the other party understands themselves. If there is such mutual care, our emotional function is perfect. On this basis, even in the face of conflict, we are more tolerant of digestion and reconciliation. I just want to prove my value through the recognition of the other party It is not like having a special part of your work that can be distinguished from your study. Emotion is the cooperation of two smart people. No one should or is willing to be a fool. If we especially hope to prove ourselves through each other, some parts behind this need us to look deeply. Why can we only rely on this unproven emotional object? Where is the psychological deficiency behind us? And this part cannot be made up by sacrificing feelings. When we have to prove ourselves through the recognition of the other party, we should reflect on where we may have a problem? In the harmonious marriage mode of two people, it is impossible to distinguish who is right and who is wrong. Even if we distinguish right from wrong, we will not benefit much from each other, because the battlefield of emotion has long been in a mess. The secret to stopping this pattern is to recognize that in the pattern of right and wrong disputes, no one is a real villain, and both husband and wife are victims of the bad pattern. You can say at the beginning of the next argument, "we're beginning to want to prove each other wrong again. If we continue like this, we'll only hurt each other. Can we talk again?" We don't have to distinguish who is right and who is wrong. Only the dispute between right and wrong itself is the culprit, because most of the time, the enemy of our emotions is not each other, but each other's constant negative disputes.

In my marriage emotional counseling, I often encounter a kind of case complaint: two people always quarrel with each other, feel that their lover has psychological problems, and want each other to receive psychological counseling. Instead, the other party says it's my fault, so I should receive psychological counseling. As a result, those who are not convinced seem to lose after receiving psychological counseling first, and then their mutual feelings go into an irreparable dead end in constant quarrels, anger and breakups. Arguing about right and wrong can not save your marriage, but make it worse and worse. In fact, in marital emotional counseling, psychological counseling is not a way to judge right and wrong, but through some adjustments to make the feelings present more opportunities and possibilities before the feelings are exhausted. So, in the mode of arguing who is right and who is wrong, what misunderstandings can be further seen and thought? Would rather hurt each other, but also to distinguish who is right and who is wrong Arguing about right and wrong is a way to excite and frustrate each other. We know it hurts a lot. Why argue? Many people say that if I don't say it, I feel uncomfortable and feel particularly wronged. I think I'm right and he / she is wrong, so I hope to change each other. If the other party also holds this view and feels that he is right, then the other party will feel wronged. The expectations behind each other are not understood, which leads to the unmet needs of each other in the relationship. Although the relationship exists, the actual function has been lost. In this way, when each other's patience is worn out in the competition day after day, the survival of the relationship will be very dangerous. Only one person is right and the other is wrong This mode of thinking is mostly influenced by our growth system. When I was young, my family often told me what was right and what was wrong; We are always influenced by the ideas of authoritative teachers or leaders after a long study career and work in society. They always tell themselves what is right and wrong. Therefore, our growth atmosphere does not give us the basis and nourishment to treat problems dialectically. We often see some adolescent children who always feel that they are right and the world is wrong. As the saying goes: what a paranoid parent will raise what a paranoid child. When our parents can only look at problems from the point of view that they are right and others are wrong, it is difficult for our children not to inherit our behavior model. Either you listen to me or I don't care about you A person's mature thinking system can see both himself and each other. If we can't do it, our cognitive model needs to be more mature. Some people will ask whether there is no dispute between right and wrong, so I don't care and don't say what I think. In fact, this is the other extreme. Others say that as a family, there are many problems to be solved. If we don't distinguish right from wrong, there will be problems in the daily operation of the family. In fact, what everyone needs most is not that others must do it according to their own ideas, but that they hope the other party can understand their expectations. When the wronged part is taken care of, they will feel that the other party understands themselves. If there is such mutual care, our emotional function is perfect. On this basis, even in the face of conflict, we are more tolerant of digestion and reconciliation. I just want to prove my value through the recognition of the other party It is not like having a special part of your work that can be distinguished from your study. Emotion is the cooperation of two smart people. No one should or is willing to be a fool. If we especially hope to prove ourselves through each other, some parts behind this need us to look deeply. Why can we only rely on this unproven emotional object? Where is the psychological deficiency behind us? And this part cannot be made up by sacrificing feelings. When we have to prove ourselves through the recognition of the other party, we should reflect on where we may have a problem? In the harmonious marriage mode of two people, it is impossible to distinguish who is right and who is wrong. Even if we distinguish right from wrong, we will not benefit much from each other, because the battlefield of emotion has long been in a mess. The secret to stopping this pattern is to recognize that in the pattern of right and wrong disputes, no one is a real villain, and both husband and wife are victims of the bad pattern. You can say at the beginning of the next argument, "we're beginning to want to prove each other wrong again. If we continue like this, we'll only hurt each other. Can we talk again?" We don't have to distinguish who is right and who is wrong. Only the dispute between right and wrong itself is the culprit, because most of the time, the enemy of our emotions is not each other, but each other's constant negative disputes.