This is definitely some downtrend shit.

I had a close friend who's now a vital zealot in the financial world. We basically grew up together, and at the time of finishing high school, while I was getting straight into the art, he threw himself into economics. In the end, he made a really good life for himself. Only now, since it became possible for me to let go of any attachments in the production world, I envy him a lot, in a good way, of course. That's an enjoyable life full of interesting people, traveling, and challenging intellectual work. And as he was about to enter the next chapter of his life in the new country at a new job, I just started to realize how lost I was. And how difficult it is to start anew.

This whole blog was cemented around the concept of "oh, I was a producer once, but now I'm in web3 because it seems everybody is here nowadays". Putting this in writing sounds way more lightweight than actually experiencing it. Every day I feel like I'm about to lose any motivation. Every day I feel like I'm slowly moving towards my ultimate demise. I was surrounded by art people and popular culture zeitgeist my whole life. And now, reinventing myself requires much more health and willpower than ever before. I knew shit about financial markets. I knew nothing about how blockchains even work. And I'm sure as hell is an awful writer in English. But this is a process where I can already see results and be excited about what's next. I'm much more confident now in portfolio management. I definitely can explain to a five-year-old what a "gas" is. And I write more often than ever, so I hope to suck less at some point. But I'm still not sure whether all this work will be not a waste of time. Will I ever achieve something?

I hope so. I fear the most waking up one day and realizing that it's all the same shit – as with the producing, you need to reinvent yourself again. Because, well, it turned out you're not that great of a web3 person either. In all my current work, I'm driven mainly by that fear. It's totally not healthy, yeah. This fear of failure is the reason I wake up every day. It's not even about the money – it's about finding the way to end up at the right place with the right skills and knowledge and having fun doing it. For now, I'm way more enjoying each second of diving into economic models and blockchain development than I ever was during the "producer" period.

As for my friend, I'm really happy for him. Hope he'll continue to do well because it's peaceful to know that somebody made all the right choices. Now it's time for me to fix mine.

This is definitely some downtrend shit.

I had a close friend who's now a vital zealot in the financial world. We basically grew up together, and at the time of finishing high school, while I was getting straight into the art, he threw himself into economics. In the end, he made a really good life for himself. Only now, since it became possible for me to let go of any attachments in the production world, I envy him a lot, in a good way, of course. That's an enjoyable life full of interesting people, traveling, and challenging intellectual work. And as he was about to enter the next chapter of his life in the new country at a new job, I just started to realize how lost I was. And how difficult it is to start anew.

This whole blog was cemented around the concept of "oh, I was a producer once, but now I'm in web3 because it seems everybody is here nowadays". Putting this in writing sounds way more lightweight than actually experiencing it. Every day I feel like I'm about to lose any motivation. Every day I feel like I'm slowly moving towards my ultimate demise. I was surrounded by art people and popular culture zeitgeist my whole life. And now, reinventing myself requires much more health and willpower than ever before. I knew shit about financial markets. I knew nothing about how blockchains even work. And I'm sure as hell is an awful writer in English. But this is a process where I can already see results and be excited about what's next. I'm much more confident now in portfolio management. I definitely can explain to a five-year-old what a "gas" is. And I write more often than ever, so I hope to suck less at some point. But I'm still not sure whether all this work will be not a waste of time. Will I ever achieve something?

I hope so. I fear the most waking up one day and realizing that it's all the same shit – as with the producing, you need to reinvent yourself again. Because, well, it turned out you're not that great of a web3 person either. In all my current work, I'm driven mainly by that fear. It's totally not healthy, yeah. This fear of failure is the reason I wake up every day. It's not even about the money – it's about finding the way to end up at the right place with the right skills and knowledge and having fun doing it. For now, I'm way more enjoying each second of diving into economic models and blockchain development than I ever was during the "producer" period.

As for my friend, I'm really happy for him. Hope he'll continue to do well because it's peaceful to know that somebody made all the right choices. Now it's time for me to fix mine.