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Introduction
In this framework, we will propose an approach to writing. As an intuitive writer, my process flows within this framework. You may be very rational & systematic needing even more structure. Cater this to your own style. It is meant to motivate from within with self-compassion and meaningful accomplishment from connection to our content.
We are redefining what it means to achieve. The key to happiness is connection intentional about connection with yourself, God, & others. When our core value is to connect, we will begin to see the world through a new lens.Perspective is powerful to help us to progress into work and output that aligns with our system and not the system of the world. This means we find our own rhythm, and cease to focus on meeting the outward expectations.
We all have goals and deadlines that are set and have been conditioned to flow with this. When our pathway is one of tuning into our being, what comes out will
We have lived a life of disconnect until now with ourselves, others and God. Our intention is to connect!
As our perspective changes to one of connection as the dynamite for our writing, our assignment today is one of reflection.
1. Who do you need connection with the most?
a. Self
b. Others
c. God
My hypothesis is that we cannot connect with ourselves or others until we connect with God. So, first we focus on our relationship with God, then connecting our own mind, spirit and body; and only then can we connect with others.
Consider this study, Adolescents’ relationship with God and internalizing adjustment over time: The moderating role of maternal religious coping, researchers found a direct correlation with internal adjustment and connection with God:
"Results suggest that youth who had stronger relationships with God were less likely to suffer from internalizing adjustment problems one year later, but only if their mothers used more religious coping. On the other hand, teens’ greater internalizing problems predicted a weaker relationship with God one year later."
If you are an atheist and have no desire to connect with God, begin with connecting with yourself first and then focus on your outward relationships. Writing is connecting with our story, and the story comes from within.
Coaching Framework for the Creative Writer Framework-Part One
Part One: Writing is a HABIT
a. Daily
b. In the morning
c. Purposeful
d. An Intentional Act
e. Gives our day meaning
Daily
The very act of doing something daily will help us form a habit. As an intuitive writer, I work within this framework, meaning I give myself lots of self compassion if I am not writing daily. When we procrastinate, this is a yucky feeling on the inside. When we ask our intuition, ‘do you have something for me today?’ and feel nothing to write, this will give a feeling of peace. Wait until something is there. It may come later in the day, during a mundane task, or at bedtime.
What is important is that we open ourselves up daily to writing.
In the Morning
A study on creativity, A Journey Into Chaos: Creativity and Unconscious, found unconscious processes play an important role in achieving creative insights. We are most in tune with the unconscious when we are first awakening in the morning. Take advantage of this time to flow with what is there, underlying your consciousness before you cover it up with the responsibilities and worries of the day. Living in the consciousness of our lives burying the unconscious throughout the day serves a purpose. It protects us from harm, as the unconscious is a vulnerable place to be.
Purposeful
Do we live on purpose, or are we in an automatic mode with work, school, & home, trying to have fun when we can? We are so focused on the responsibilities of life and need to become intentional on purposefully living. It is the same with writing. Make your own menu of what you deem important, look over the list, organize life around the list. Don’t just do things, do them with purpose.
An Intentional Act
Set your intention for the day to focus on an item on your list that gives activity during the day meaning. Writing will come.
Gives our Day Meaning
Do look for meaningful interactions with God, yourself, others, and our story. This gives our day depth. Focus on the realization that relating gives meaning.
Science says that it takes 63 days – or 3 cycles of 21 days – to break down a habit or pattern of thinking. It only takes 21 days to break down a core habit and build up a replacement one, but to avoid falling back into the habit, we need to practice the new way of thinking for at least another 42 days. Learn more about the neuroscience in Dr. Caroline Leaf's book, Think, Learn, Succeed
What is a habit you would like to change? It could be what time you get up in the morning, or your time for bed at night. You could create a habit related to the stress cycle daily of walking, singing, cooking something, writing, reading, studying, etc.
Journal, My new habit is: (write your goal here)__________________________________.
Journal, I will change my old habit/pattern of thinking by: (write what you will do daily to create the change)____________________________________________________________.
Practice does make perfect, but not really perfect, just a healthy habit. Change is hard, change is messy, it is not linear. Be ok if you diverge from the process. Just return to it quickly. Forgive yourself through this process. This is after all, your own goal for your own progress. No one is judging and your intention and effort to change will make a positive difference in your life!
Coaching Framework for the Creative Writer
Framework-Part Two
Choice & Emotions
a. The Blues & Worries
b. Change Causes Anxiety
c. Fear of ___?
The Blues & Worries
Embrace the future worries! There is a reality of criticism, rejection, & pushback from those who are skeptics, struggling with their own deficits, i.e., the pessimists. This is the, What if___? What if no one reads it, what if I fail, what if they make fun of it?
Change Causes Anxiety
We avoid things that cause fear and change causes anxiety. Creative writing is one choice after another and that act of choosing causes stress. Thus, the whole creative process causes anxiety. We are unlikely to write if we are afraid. We may call this being distracted or brain fog when it is actually a normal response to change.
Fear of?
We have a fear of judgement, criticism, threats, loss, tarnished image, embarrassment of what we have revealed. A fear of success. Let it out deciding if it is safe enough to share with the world.
Accept being judged.Accept being seen.Accept everyone has an opinion.Remind yourself you love your work.People love books & books have changed the world.Your writing brings the meaning in you to existence in the world.
Writing Prompt
Writing is meant to be fun. It is cathartic. When we believe these statements, our lives will begin to evolve to a place we never could have imagined! It's all in our perspective. In this course we will be working together with writing exercises, empirically proven information, and fun activities to connect the spirit, soul and body with embodiment principles.
Let's begin!
What are your top 3 fears with writing? _____________________________________________
If you have fears you are normal. In our next lesson, we will learn about the need to achieve for approval and how we connect this to being worthy of love. It's time to disconnect this societal cultural way of thinking. You are worthy of love because of what a wonderful person you are, not because of your accomplishments.
Coaching Framework for the Creative Writer
Framework-Part Three
Part Three: The Act of Writing
a. Accept Yourself & Your Sadness
b. Juggle Your Life & Creative Process
c. Be Your Own Advocate
Accept Yourself & Your Sadness
This is a daily practice to acknowledge the underlying emotions that arise while writing. Acceptance of your emotional state is acceptance of yourself, as emotions are part of you. Breathe in useful thoughts. Accept it’s hard.
Juggle Your Life & Creative Process
Life is full of responsibility! We deal with appetite, energy, individuality, relationships, sadness, fears, failures, disappointments, regrets. We feel unproductive and productive. We procrastinate out of fear & dread.
Be Your Own Advocate
If you won’t believe in yourself, no one else will. Marketing is a daily practice. Set your price, negotiate, it is yours for the asking. What’s the worst that can happen? Hearing no? Get used to this and keep going. With your pitch, be affirmative, brief and clear. This means you will optimistically speak/write in a concise way to represent your work to others, such as publishers.
What you are doing matters to you. Be your own cheerleader. Align your thoughts with the intention to succeed.Show up not attached to outcomes.Manage your sadness & anxieties with repetition.
Psychologists Jerome Singer and Michael Barrios followed a group of blocked writers for several months, and they concluded in, The Treatment of Creative Blocks: A Comparison of Waking Imagery, Hypnotic Dream, and Rational Discussion Techniques, that there are four broad causes of writer's block:
Excessively harsh self-criticism
Fear of comparison to other writers
Lack of external motivation, like attention and praise
Lack of internal motivation, like the desire to tell one's story
Writer's block stems from various feelings of discontent with the creative act of writing. In academia we learn the techniques, & rational approaches to writing, with structure. There is a format to follow that is orderly, linear, following a pragmatic approach. If life were only linear! We go to school learning hard skills to be able to complete tasks. The soft skills of emotional intelligence, courage, communication, conflict resolution; all pertinent to effective interactions at work are equally as important and part of the creative process. This is what is difficult for academia to teach us in school.
Washington University psychologist R. Keith Sawyer, author of the book, Explaining creativity: The science of human innovation explains the process in the brain. In a Time Magazine article, he explains, ‘extensive research has shown that when you're creative, your brain is using the same mental building blocks you use every day—like when you figure out a way around a traffic jam.’ He goes on to explain the importance to relax for our brain to be able to use these blocks creatively.
“In creativity research, we refer to the three Bs—for the bathtub, the bed and the bus—places where ideas have famously and suddenly emerged. When we take time off from working on a problem, we change what we're doing and our context, and that can activate different areas of our brain. If the answer wasn't in the part of the brain we were using, it might be in another. If we're lucky, in the next context we may hear or see something that relates—distantly—to the problem that we had temporarily put aside.” ~R. Keith Sawyer
So the answer as we begin this journey together to unblock that writer’s block, is to change what we are doing, and to do that frequently!
Leveraging Neuroplasticity for Enhanced Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Success
Neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to adapt and change, is a fundamental concept explored extensively in the realm of creativity. However, its impact extends beyond creativity, influencing emotional intelligence (EI), a crucial aspect of effective leadership. Understanding the neurological underpinnings of neuroplasticity and its role in creativity provides a solid foundation for comprehending its implications for emotional intelligence.
Building Emotional Intelligence Through Creative Writing as a HABIT
Welcome to ongoing maintenance primers designed to elevate a leader's emotional intelligence through creative writing prompts. These exercises delve into various emotional landscapes, fostering a deeper understanding of empathy, nostalgia, unrequited love, joy, loss, triumph, fear, and envy. By crafting stories that evoke these emotions, leaders can enhance their emotional intelligence, fostering connection and resonance with others.
Creative Writing Prompts
Evoke Empathy: Create a scene where a character encounters a stray kitten in the rain. Describe the emotions the character experiences as they decide whether to take it home or leave it behind.
Navigate Nostalgia: Have your protagonist discover an old photo album in the attic. Explore the flood of emotions and memories that arise as they flip through the pages.
Unveil Unrequited Love: Write about a character confessing their feelings to someone who doesn't reciprocate. Dive into the emotional turmoil, capturing the vulnerability and heartache.
Journey Through Joy: Detail a character's reaction when they receive unexpected good news. Capture the elation, the physical sensations, and the rush of positive emotions.
Confront Loss: Develop a scene where a character attends a memorial service. Illustrate the array of emotions – grief, sadness, and perhaps even moments of fond remembrance.
Thrill of Triumph: Craft a story around a character achieving a long-sought goal. Explore the triumphant emotions, the sense of accomplishment, and the journey that led to this moment.
Embark on Fear: Place your character in a situation where they must confront a deep-seated fear. Chronicle the emotional rollercoaster, from initial anxiety to the empowering resolution.
Encounter Envy: Explore a scenario where a character grapples with jealousy. Delve into the visceral emotions, the internal conflict, and the growth or resolution that may follow.
Remember, the essence of effective storytelling lies in capturing the emotional landscape, allowing readers to connect and resonate with the characters' experiences.
Schedule your complimentary consultation with ALEXIA for Executive Life Coaching, Training & Development and Motivational Speeches.
Neuroplasticity's Connection to Emotional Intelligence: Research, such as that conducted by Giuliani et al. reveals that deliberate practice enhances neuroplasticity in specific brain regions. This neuroplasticity not only contributes to improved performance in creative tasks but also holds promise for strengthening the neural pathways associated with emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence involves recognizing, understanding, managing, and utilizing emotions effectively.
The Shared Neural Networks: The high-creative network, encompassing the default, salience, and executive networks, is crucial for creativity, as identified by Roger E. Beaty's work. These same networks are implicated in emotional intelligence. The brain's ability to forge connections and pathways, a hallmark of neuroplasticity, plays a pivotal role in emotional intelligence by fostering adaptability and flexibility in dealing with emotional information.
Neuroplasticity in Creative Recovery and Emotional Resilience: Neuroplasticity not only aids in creative rebound but also contributes to emotional resilience. Beaty's research, as discussed in Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, emphasizes the role of neuroplasticity in recovering from setbacks in creative endeavors. This adaptability translates to emotional intelligence, enabling individuals to learn from failures, adjust to challenges, and maintain motivation in leadership roles.
Strategies for Developing Emotional Intelligence through Neuroplasticity: Similar to enhancing creativity, intentional exposure to new experiences and brain-boosting activities can nurture neuroplasticity for improved emotional intelligence. Implementing practices such as meditation, exercise, and skill acquisition, as recommended for creativity, can also positively impact emotional intelligence. Meditation, for instance, increases gray matter volume in the prefrontal cortex, which governs higher-level cognition and decision-making—essential aspects of emotional intelligence.
Leadership Implications: Leaders can leverage neuroplasticity to enhance emotional intelligence among their teams. Setting clear emotional intelligence goals, engaging in deliberate emotional intelligence practice, and fostering a growth mindset within the organizational culture align with the principles of neuroplasticity. Encouraging continuous learning, adapting to challenges, and embracing failures as opportunities for growth can fortify the neural networks associated with emotional intelligence.
Future Perspectives: Continued research on neuroplasticity's impact on emotional intelligence opens exciting avenues for leadership development. Understanding the interplay between creativity, emotional intelligence, and neuroplasticity provides leaders with a scientific foundation to implement strategies that foster a dynamic and emotionally intelligent work environment.
Neuroplasticity, a key player in creativity, extends its influence to emotional intelligence, presenting leaders with a tangible pathway to enhance their effectiveness. By embracing deliberate practices, promoting a growth mindset, and utilizing neuroplasticity-informed strategies, leaders can unlock the full potential of their teams, fostering creativity and emotional intelligence for sustainable success.
Mantra Matters
What do you hear yourself say? This is the inner critic that has a place in your soul. Perhaps you think this is just part of you. It is only a voice that you have grown comfortable with. Disrupting the process is the next step to your pathway of unblocking. Every writer deals with self-doubt and this comes from this inner critic. Let’s look at an example, Stephen King,
“Writing fiction, especially a long work of fiction can be a difficult, lonely job; it’s like crossing the Atlantic Ocean in a bathtub. There’s plenty of opportunity for self-doubt.”
Years later, in a 2014 interview with Rolling Stone, King explained how his fear of failure manifests in dreams:
“The one that recurs is that I'm going to be in a play, and I get to the theater and its opening night and not only can I not find my costume, but I realize that I have never learned the lines.”
Despite years of success King tells Rolling Stone:
“I'm afraid of failing at whatever story I'm writing – that it won't come up for me, or that I won't be able to finish it.” ~Stephen King
Experience with writing does not cure writers block or the inner critic, persistent conversing does. We have to speak to the critic and counter act the statements. We learned to tie our shoe when we were 6, but that doesn’t mean we stopped tying our shoe at 6.
What is Your Mantra?
Writing Prompt
Taking a shower offered NASA a solution with the Hubble telescope. R. Keith Sawyer, author of, Explaining Creativity: The Science of Human Innovation, told this story in a Time Magazine interview:
“In 1990 a team of NASA scientists was trying to fix the distorted lenses in the Hubble telescope, which was already in orbit. An expert in optics suggested that tiny inversely distorted mirrors could correct the images, but nobody could figure out how to fit them into the hard-to-reach space inside. Then engineer Jim Crocker, taking a shower in a German hotel, noticed the European-style shower head mounted on adjustable rods. He realized the Hubble's little mirrors could be extended into the telescope by mounting them on similar folding arms. And this flash was the key to fixing the problem.” ~R. Keith Sawyer(The Hidden Secrets of the Creative Mind, n.d.)
If a NASA engineer solved a problem by taking a step away to shower, we can mix it up a bit as well. I am aware the engineer did not purposefully shower to find the answer. The point being, he had an aha moment doing something mundane. Our brain needs us to relax.
How can we get our brain to a resting point? The stress cycle includes walking, singing, crying, yelling, talking, journaling, coloring/drawing... all including movement, speech, and release.
Julia Cameron described an art from writing our most raw impulsive thoughts freely on paper first thing in the morning and calls this, The Morning Pages.
Adapted from Julia Cameron's explanation:
The Gift of the Morning Pages
Welcome to collectively create space to expand our creative dreams. Daily we will handwrite three 8” x 10” one sided pages; with thoughts, expressions, & emotions of how we feel & think, not how we should feel & think. This is an activity we will give priority first thing when we awaken. Take care of basic needs including coffee, nestle into your writing space, and honor the first 40 minutes of awakened time. According to Carl Jung, it takes time for our ego to awaken and provide defenses. This is the perfect time & opportunity to be moved into authenticity with ourselves. We are catching our consciousness before our safeguards arise. We show no one these pages, as this is our safe place to vent. Be prepared to review them after the first 8–9 weeks with awareness of boredom, highlighting the sparkles of ideas. Our daily thoughts do not follow a specified theme, only our thoughts, feelings, & reactions to events in a very raw light.
This is a process of clearing our soul of what may be blocking us, so we can write creatively.
Assignment: Tomorrow morning write 3 pages, long hand written pages of what flows from your mind and soul. Do not give it thought, simply write.
What did this process feel like?
This is a daily exercise that, when consistently applied, will help what is blocking our soul to come out naturally. This is not for your journal. You can actually rip up these pages if you prefer. Get some loose leaf paper and write!
Intuition Listens
When we think of listening, the first thing that comes to mind is other people. What about listening to ourselves? What does this mean? I do not think we can listen to others until we learn to listen to ourselves. This is an intentional skill that we need to build with daily practice. The rational left brained, solution focused thought process helps us to accomplish. We have responsibilities in life, tests to take, bills to pay, errands to run. This part of our brain serves us well. Most of us struggle with the other part of the brain that says listen, and we are suffering due to this deficit.
The loneliness epidemic kills people more than smoking cigarettes or obesity according to a study Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review. You might as well smoke 15 cigarettes a day if you don’t address the loneliness. It has the same effect: death. Most of us would cringe at the thought of picking up this habit, and 15 cigarettes is a lot to smoke, however we do not think so seriously about our loneliness. Everyone feels it, and some stay in a constant state of feeling alone without realizing the harmful mental and physical effects.
I went to a professional counseling conference in 2019 hearing psychologists and neuroscientists proclaim the high levels of anxiety and depression in society would decrease significantly if only people would listen to one another. Most of us don’t need a professional to treat our sadness or fear, we can resolve our need for therapy with a friend who listens. This does not discount mental illness that is organic in nature needing professional and medical support and treatment. This is very real, however situational stressors leading to depression & anxiety cause much of what we see in the mental health world today. We need to build skills to cope with stress and develop our stress response skills. We also need to listen to one another. How do we first learn to listen to ourself? When the day is over and you are laying still in bed, what are your thoughts about? Are you able to relax and find calm?
Can you think on what went well that day, turning off the turmoil in your mind?
Intuitive listening to our inmost being connects us with our emotions and sometimes the feelings are intense and frightening to us. Connection of our soul and body brings awareness of pain, sorrow, fear, and the reality of our human
condition. Emotions just are, they happen, and don’t define us. It’s important to listen to what is happening inside. The more we can tolerate this process and unite our being, we will heal and find harmony in our bodies. This is the therapeutic, cathartic process we all need. Once we find connection, we will begin to listen to our intuition and find peace before we proceed in every situation. This intuition will help us to speak and contradict that inner critic. We need this connection to empower us with witty responses.
Listen to yourself. What do you hear? Let's write a fragment together. Do this daily to practice listening to your intuition.
Close your eyes. Breathe in deeply. Bring your energy out of your brain into your body, & heart. Acknowledge yourself & say, 'I am a creative being full of love and light. I will ask if I am empty or full, (ask my intuition). Do you (intuition) have something for me right now? Open your eyes.
Thoughts & Counter Thoughts-Procrastination
We are emotional beings. Thoughts whirl around in our head, and when pondered upon, lead to feelings. We can stop these thoughts without contemplating on them. We have control of what happens in our mind.
Thoughts: Why Bother? There are so many creative works. Why do something so egotistical? Others are doing better work. Mind is mediocre.
Counter Thoughts: People love books. What if authors didn't write these books that changed the world? I am making something true, beautiful, a good thing to contribute to the world. It has made a difference to me and if it makes a difference to one other soul, my writing is worth the effort.
Writing is a daily choice. Decisions while writing is part of the creative process. Who are the characters?What defines them, i.e., race, religion, mannerisms, clothing, etc. What is the setting of the story? Choices, Choices!
Writing is messy! Accept the mess, accept the mistakes, keep showing up!
Negative thought: I'm a procrastinator.
Counter statement*: Research shows creativity increases as I take my time to work on a project by asking myself, 'do you have something for me, are you full or empty?' I am content with my state of being. I am learning to flow with my soul by listening. This is a healthy process.*
Adam Grant does talk about procrastination and the creative process in this New York Times opinion piece.
"What I discovered was that in every creative project, there are moments that require thinking more laterally and, yes, more slowly," he explains. "My natural need to finish early was a way of shutting down complicating thoughts that sent me whirling in new directions." ~Adam Grant
What is your prevalent negative thought that you would like to make a counter statement to?
What is your counter statement in detail?
The Tango of the Inner Critic & Intuition
The intuition when listened to and heard will become a voice that is louder and louder. It is so soft and insignificant to us because it has been ignored. When we give our intuitive voice attention the light will burn brighter. The inner critic will remain and return with negative discouraging thoughts. Don’t be afraid of this process. Your light is getting stronger as you intentionally listen to your intuition. When we remove something, it’s equally important to add something. An example is a garden. Every year I begin cultivating my soil in the spring getting the ground ready to plant my tomatoes. I have to remove the weeds, clear the area from growth, mix in nutrients and then the ground is nurtured. Only then will I dig a hole for the plants. Then I will consistently add water, removing any weeds that continue to grow all spring, and summer. The incessant sprouting up of the same weeds annoys me. Why won’t they just go away? I’ve let them know they don’t serve a purpose for my tomatoes and are getting in the way. They do not listen to me, and just keep growing all season despite my efforts to remove them. I feel so annoyed!
This is what our life is like, a garden. It is our job to tend to the garden consistently and this is work. What is the result? Tasty tomatoes that no store can ever sell me. Well worth the effort. Weeds are the same with the inner critic that will always remain as we cultivate and plant our garden. As we water the nurtured soil with listening to our intuitive nature, the inner critic will interrupt with weeds. Perhaps we have walked by this garden area full of weeds, ignored it, and just left the land there looking desolate year after year. It’s time to do something about this today. Begin taking away the weeds and adding the garden. This takes time and intention and is a messy process. It just is.
The Blocks of Jealousy
Jealousy does not discriminate with who we are, what we have, where we live, within settings of home, work or community. All of us have experienced feeling envious of others, and at times wondered if we were being treated badly due to others being jealous. There are underlying emotions to jealousy, including low self-esteem fueling lack of trust. Work has shifted to teams, including leaders recognizing they can’t do it alone.
Trust on a team, whether it’s a family, community gathering, or at work; needs to be continually cultivated. Without trust, the building blocks of cohesion will fall apart leading to conflict, jealousy and people being hurt. Humanity is socially distanced due to the COVID19 crisis, and suffering with a pre-existing pandemic of loneliness in our society. Prior to the shut-down of our nations, we were told by experts, ‘loneliness kills.’ We all need support, and this first needs to begin with ourselves. Why is jealousy a concern? When we are jealous of another person, we tell ourselves a story and that can lead us to act in irrational ways. Ok, so all of us feel jealous. So, what do we do with this emotion? It’s important to recognize and allow it to be.
Stand apart and observe what is happening in the moment. Our thoughts and feelings happen, and it is up to us to do something about them. Do we accept them as reality or regulate them?
Here is a quick guide to manage those thoughts & feelings:
· Acknowledge that you are jealous by stepping away observing the situation as objectively as possible.
· Talk to someone who is not involved with the situation listening to their reflection.
· Journal your inward process and read what you wrote once the emotions subside.
· Role play the situation with a trusted friend being the other party in the conversation.
Choose not to act on it, meaning you may feel hurt, afraid, angry, etc. and this is ok, just decide not to act due to emotion by contemplating the following:
It is not in your best interest to act on emotion, ever. This will give the other person power over the situation.
Now that we have managed those thoughts & feelings, choosing not to act on them, let’s look at a root cause of jealousy. A question to ask is, have we found our own happiness? When we are not happy, and see others that seem joyful, it is human nature to resent this. Can we own our condition? This is a factor to eliminate jealousy, and we need to give happiness a priority, because jealousy is killing our relationships. During the first few weeks of the pandemic and shut down, I found myself realizing the quality of relationships in my life. One individual who I thought was my advocate & friend, became critical of my character sending me correspondence that was accusatory. Maybe this person was in pretense all along with their seeming praise of my accomplishments. When difficult situations arise, a sound piece of advice is to focus on another person’s actions, as we never fully understand what their intentions are. This person assumed they knew me, and they read the whole situation wrong. Could it have been because they were jealous? This caused a rift to the relationship, as my trust of this person lessened.
Finding happiness during a pandemic becomes very real. It’s no longer about looking forward to a nice dinner, milestone life event, vacation; all the things that cause us to feel glee! This has been a time of reflection for us as human beings without the ‘fun’ activities we normally look forward to.
What is happiness about, and how do we find it?
Happiness is found in connection to our family/friends, community,
nature, God, & the world.
Happiness is fostered when we tune into our own gifts & creativity laying
aside what others have told us all along.
Happiness is when we begin on a journey to create, & be who we were
made to be, without reservation.
A key here is to stop listening to what others have said, and even our own inner critic.
Another key is to begin one step at a time, to focus on what that dream is, and to begin following it, remembering that progress is not perfection.
Remember your journey is about the process, not destination.
Here is a quick guide to manage those thoughts & feelings of jealousy:
Acknowledge that you are jealous by stepping away observing the situation as objectively as possible.
Talk to someone who is not involved with the situation listening to them Reflect on the situation.
Journal your inward process and read what you wrote once the emotions subside.
Role play the situation with a trusted friend being the other party in the conversation.
Choose not to act on it, meaning you may feel hurt, afraid, angry, etc. and this is ok, just decide not to act due to emotion by contemplating the following:
o It is not in your best interest to act on emotion, ever.
o This will give the other person power over the situation.
Writing Prompt
Write about a person that you are jealous of. What are their strengths, areas you envy and areas that annoy you? This will help you step away from the situation. a. What can you control about the situation? b. What can you not control about the situation?
Do what you can and let go of the rest.
Now journal your feelings about this person. a. What attributes that you admire can you begin working on to develop in yourself?
Write a gratitude letter to this person. a. Consider reading this to them. Gratitude rewires the brain. By writing a gratitude letter, you will be able to think more clearly about the situation.
3 Ways to Increase Optimism in Your Life
What are the things we can do to increase optimism in our lives, and why is it important? If you are like me, the COVID19 Virus and shutdown, has had an effect. My hope was dashed when I thought we were recovering and opening back up, just to see an uptick in infections and more cancelled events. Keeping a positive perspective has been more challenging when there are no events to look forward to like sports, birthday parties, anniversary celebrations, travel, or coffee in a café with a friend. We have adapted & modified how we engage in activities and significant life events. I had to think about my happiness meter, acknowledge it was low, and decide I needed to exercise some skills. If you are like me, I can start strong and then become discouraged as time goes on when the results are not automatic. We need support & encouragement from one another.
Let’s begin with defining what optimism & pessimism are. Most people are naturally pessimistic. Don’t be discouraged by this, optimism is a skill we can all learn! Next, we share how we can practice this skill during diversity. In conclusion we share the 3 steps to increase optimism with proactive daily actions.
Optimism vs. Pessimism
The Nature of Pessimism
o Encourages depression
o associated with a weak immune system
o Feels down blue, sad, worried or anxious
o Self-fulfilling prophecy
o Don’t face challenges, & they fail more frequently—even when success is possible
“The best thing one can say about a pessimist is that his fears were founded,” Martin Seligman.
Benefits of Optimism
o Happiness
o Vitality
o Hopeful
o Confident
o Cheerful
Optimism can be learned. Utilizing the Ellis ABC Model, we can learn how to respond differently to adversity by talking ourselves through defeat.
Adversity
o The event that happens
o Example: I have a flat tire
Belief
o How the adversity is interpreted
o Example: My response is, “I always have bad luck, why does this happen to me?”
Consequences
o Feelings
o Actions
o Example: “You feel hopeless, angry, grouchy, yelling at your spouse in the car.”
This is how we redirect the pessimistic attitudes we all have. How can we be proactive daily to build muscles of optimism, so it is more natural for us to respond positively in thought & action to diverse event?
Shawn Achor has conducted a multitude of studies worldwide about happiness. His findings have been adapted with the following 3 steps to daily build optimism skills:
1. BE Thankful: Daily Acts of Gratitude
o Journal three things you’re grateful for the past day. Considering your breathe, that we are alive, & hearing the birds sing.
o Write down a positive memory from the past 24 hours in detail for a few minutes. As you remember it, your brain labels it as meaningful and deepens the imprint.
o Compose an email or text to someone thanking them for something they said, did or just our thankfulness for their presence in our lives. Our brains become addicted to feeling good by making others feel good.
2. Connect with Others & God: THE Key to Happiness & Well-Being
o Spend time with family and friends. Our social connections are one of the best predictors for success and health, and even life expectancy.
o Connect with your faith. Studies show those who live close to their spiritual beliefs have higher levels of optimism.o Engage in a small act of service. For example, you could offer to mow an elderly neighbor’s lawn, or take out their trash.
A large volume of research shows that people who are more religious/spiritual have better mental health and adapt more quickly to health problems compared to those who are less religious/spiritual. These possible benefits to mental health and well-being have physiological consequences that impact physical health, affect the risk of disease, and influence response to treatment.
3. DO what you can with what you have & LET GO of what you can’t control!
o Make a list of things that are not in your control, ie. the COVID19 Virus, the volume of emails in your inbox, war in the world.
o Make a list today of things that are in your control, ie. your response to the COVID19 Virus, how you manage workflow to respond to the emails, making good decisions in how you live your life.
o Write down the items you listed that you cannot control on a balloon and let it go into the atmosphere! This symbolizes your decision literally to identify & let go of what is not in your control daily.
Humility & Gratitude
Part of humility is putting others first, knowing there is no sacrifice on our end. There is plenty that flows from an attitude of being grateful. Have you noticed there is no lack with gratitude? Could this be due to our perspective shifting to what is good, realizing the ample provision instead of the deficits? This does not diminish what is needed, it only cushions the need with knowing provision is available. The how to is not always readily evident. This comes best with a relaxed peaceful mind. How do we flow in peace throughout our day? Life is stressful! A humble person is not influenced by being in the center of attention, as the most important asset. How many people are described as narcissists, putting themselves above others? A sign of humility is when a person communicates in the form of speaking and listening. This is not always easy to do, however this results in connecting with others, and this is key to success and a happy environment wherever we are.
What are 3 things you are grateful for today?
What went well today?
What was the upside to 2020?
How Tapping into Creativity Heals
Everyone has a dream. What would happen if we all became makers, tapping into the potential that lies within us? We each have something amazing to offer our communities. Truly creating the life we want to live, will revolutionize the world! We cannot be jealous of others when we are living our best life now! This is up to each one of us to decide. Let today be the beginning. Cultivate and use the talent within to paint a new life, contributing to the new world!
With the pandemic & worldwide revolution of 2020, I found myself exploring a creative side out of necessity. I had been laid off from work prior to the pandemic, and was slowly building a consulting & coaching business on the side, which was now at a standstill. We heard about ‘essential workers,’ with the rest of us being ordered to stay at home. What were we to do with the time, other than watch streaming television? A daily routine was redefined, and I knew the rhythm of the day was in my hands to navigate.
My pathway was enlightened with a book, The Artist Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron. Testimonies of people abounded speaking to the process of writing morning pages, due to the amazing results they experienced, by following the wisdom and knowledge in the book. I found this tool instrumental as a launching pad for my creative purpose in life. (Cameron, n.d.) Social distancing redefined human interactions overnight. During many of my days, I would participate in online group coaching programs, skills building groups, and collective conversations on how to navigate change. As the depth of humanities’ cries began to be heard for equality, there was a landscape waiting to be designed.
Throughout the conversations with people, there was a consensus hoping the seemingly ‘shut down’ nature of the world, would lead to self-reflection about what life was about. People had time to stop buying clothes, jewelry, make-up, and just think, & spend time with family. Would this bring a lasting change of consciousness? Would we return to the status quo of consumerism to meet our wants, or could we evolve to a greater existence collectively in this world?
I had a thought about the creative process I was experiencing during this time. What would our communities look like if we all tapped into becoming ‘makers,’ meaning developing the talents that lay within us. Many live with their dream lying dormant, focusing on other people’s lives, with feelings of jealousy of what life could be, ‘if only.’ Was the grass greener on the other side, or could we all create our own garden? Happy people make happy communities, leading to a happy world. Could it be this simple; beginning with ourselves, creating that dream inside us? I had a deep thought about the creativity I was tapping into: what we accomplish cannot be for our own enjoyment, but for meaningful contribution to those around us; our community.
Daily life happens all around you. Juggle the realities. You are inspired and have an artistic flair. You are creative! Also focus on your craft and how to market yourself. Everything you write and do represents who you are.What do you imagine with your wonderful intention to succeed and create the best there is for you to offer?
My Creative Life Writing Prompt
If I could have my ideal creative life, it would look like:
The ancient Greeks connected theater to well-being, as a pathway to healing. The Smithsonian asked the question whether Greek tragedies could heal modern trauma. Your writing is theater for the world. Paint your story!
As we explore our, ‘what if,’ today, let’s think about our childhood. Was there a game or toy you enjoyed? How about a craft or musical instrument? Were there places you enjoyed visiting and exploring? What happened to that activity? Why did we stop it, if it gave us so much joy?
Today you are encouraged to explore what could have been, making it a reality. It’s ok if this is a scaled version. In order to follow our passion, we suggest the following:
Writing Prompt
Write a short essay including the following components:
Looking back on your childhood, identify a hero (who encouraged your creativity), and villain, (who was critical, redirecting you to something ‘practical’ to pursue).
Answer this question:
If I had a chance to live a different life, I would have been ...
If I could go back and change one decision I made, that would be...
Congratulations, you are in a wonderful process of writing your story. This will give you a space to explore passions, making a plan to create your best life today.
One final thought about your essay:
Imagine this is the day of your funeral and loved ones & friends were at your graveside. A rule had been made in society that the obituary & epitaph could not contain work/career/educational accomplishments, but only those of lasting sustenance. Write this in your essay as the closing paragraph.
Food for thought:
Opening is Including-Open your heart and mind to writing and include the world.
Be Visible-Your book unwritten will never be seen.
BE Unapologetic-Let the naysayers be, not allowing them to hinder yourself- revealing through your written work.
ALEXIA
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