i'm still so upset and it's holding me back so much. I spend so much of my time thinking about all these women who just don't care about me as much as I care about them or that's how it feels

I keep thinking of things that I can do to make it better maybe if I say this and act like this they will get it

I don't know. I know it won't work. I know it won't work. but I so desperately want it to work. I want them to see me, I want to have a relationship where we can talk openly. I want a relationship where I feel respected. I want love, i want something worth fighting for. I don't want to be seen as a flaw as a burden, that i wasn't enough, that I am responsible for causing them damage

I need to treat everyone better. I need to raise my standards for everything. I'm letting people treat me like crap and i'm treating others like crap

I need to clean house

I need to describe what type of relationship I have with my family, friends, partner, and work. Then I need to become those things in those relationships

Family.

I want to know without a doubt that we are in a good place, if there is a problem then we fix it, and that we have something in our relationship that is consistant

do I want to have something with all of them? maybe not. i think it sounds really nice but that would be quite a lot to do. also i'm not sure they are a positive influence on me at the moment. i think it's really hard for me to see them negatively. I love them so much and see their potential. But they don't love me. they are so angry and nothing could be good enough for them. i'm not good enough for them. dad isn't good enough for them. i was a burden. i did things when i was a child that where traumatic for them.

i don't have to carry that for them. it wasn't my fault. i'm okay. i'm going to make things better. no actually i'm not. i'm going to live my life and i'm going to see how well i can live it.

that's all i care about. i want to see the edge of possibility.

i have to let them go. they are not coming, i have invited them, but they are not coming. that's okay. i can just let this feeling go. i can't love them just as much from here.

it doesn't matter if they accept the truth or not. I can organize the future the way it should be.

i can design it. i can make it. i'm the one. mom knew and now i know too. i've always been afraid of this because i felt that it was wrong to accept that you are capable of so much more than other people. i know this is truth because no one will ever know this is me.

this space is so scared to me now. it's my temple of truth just for me and no one else. it's great because it maybe i am delusional but certainly in that case no one will give two fucks about this either.

i can do what i see, it's not easy. people don't see what i see. it won't just happen. i have to do it or something else will happen and that will be just fine too.

I can do it. i will do it and we will find out where the possibility of these ideas goes.

i'm still so upset and it's holding me back so much. I spend so much of my time thinking about all these women who just don't care about me as much as I care about them or that's how it feels

I keep thinking of things that I can do to make it better maybe if I say this and act like this they will get it

I don't know. I know it won't work. I know it won't work. but I so desperately want it to work. I want them to see me, I want to have a relationship where we can talk openly. I want a relationship where I feel respected. I want love, i want something worth fighting for. I don't want to be seen as a flaw as a burden, that i wasn't enough, that I am responsible for causing them damage

I need to treat everyone better. I need to raise my standards for everything. I'm letting people treat me like crap and i'm treating others like crap

I need to clean house

I need to describe what type of relationship I have with my family, friends, partner, and work. Then I need to become those things in those relationships

Family.

I want to know without a doubt that we are in a good place, if there is a problem then we fix it, and that we have something in our relationship that is consistant

do I want to have something with all of them? maybe not. i think it sounds really nice but that would be quite a lot to do. also i'm not sure they are a positive influence on me at the moment. i think it's really hard for me to see them negatively. I love them so much and see their potential. But they don't love me. they are so angry and nothing could be good enough for them. i'm not good enough for them. dad isn't good enough for them. i was a burden. i did things when i was a child that where traumatic for them.

i don't have to carry that for them. it wasn't my fault. i'm okay. i'm going to make things better. no actually i'm not. i'm going to live my life and i'm going to see how well i can live it.

that's all i care about. i want to see the edge of possibility.

i have to let them go. they are not coming, i have invited them, but they are not coming. that's okay. i can just let this feeling go. i can't love them just as much from here.

it doesn't matter if they accept the truth or not. I can organize the future the way it should be.

i can design it. i can make it. i'm the one. mom knew and now i know too. i've always been afraid of this because i felt that it was wrong to accept that you are capable of so much more than other people. i know this is truth because no one will ever know this is me.

this space is so scared to me now. it's my temple of truth just for me and no one else. it's great because it maybe i am delusional but certainly in that case no one will give two fucks about this either.

i can do what i see, it's not easy. people don't see what i see. it won't just happen. i have to do it or something else will happen and that will be just fine too.

I can do it. i will do it and we will find out where the possibility of these ideas goes.