Okay. Message to my sisters.

All growing up my fun fact when meeting everyone is my life was that i had a big family and that it was the best thing in the world. In particular, I was raised by women and that this was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I still believe that to this day. It's such a privilege to have been able to experience life with all of you and to learn from you.

Every family member is an opportunity to see my life is a different way that adds depth and color to my perceptions. iIn the best way, it's overwhelming when you see it all in full light.

There are deep challenges as well and know we all experience all of those too. Big families have the same misconception as big parties, to the outside they seem like homogenous grand affairs.

The intimacy is secluded and varied. This is why our experiences of the 'same' events can be so different.

It's quite the series of events to have our mother, have nine sisters, and come of age during feminism. I think it's fair to say, that I had quite a different view of the world than most men.

Added to that I was born with something that i can't quite put words too, but leads me to find the edge of my abilities as a way to discover some truths of our existence.

If I'm operating at the edge of my abilities it means I've dropped the most falsehoods and found the most truths. It's a deeply uncomfortable process, most of my life I have found myself in that state. In fact, if I start doing what everyone else is doing, I get depressed and don't function well. Remind me of this if you see me struggling!

Now here is where faith comes into play. It's possible that my ego or a darkness is in control and everything I say following is incorrect. I don't know, so operate with your own compass.

I however play to be the best, so the choice of behavior becomes clear with that choice.

I must risk operating in what would be the winning position, even if I'm right my body and mind will try to produce the maximum combination of feelings to punish me until I change or I simply diluted and can't be saved.

Say I am the man I say I am. What am I to do? The best state is the most people understanding the truth but the truth has to be discovered or understood for ones self. I know this to be true.

I also know that most people don't care, they like to dislike their story or they are just having a hard enough time as it is and feel they can't consider other possibilities.

There is no right or wrong. Everything is okay, whatever you are or become. I will live my whole life in one falsehood or another. It's impossible to consider another possibility. Whatever your deepest desire is will be what you move toward, it's easiest to ignore our actions as evidence for our desires.

Suffice it to say to say I have found some truths that the heart of the perceptions of our family mind. These realizations caused me the deepest pain I have ever experienced in my life, this didn't come from you but you are involved.

I so badly want to shout them from the rooftop and for you to hear me and believe me. But the truth is 'dangerous' and not transmittable via words. I also might be wrong, and if was wrong and demanded to be heard and listened to then that would cause damage.

Again I'm playing to find the edge of my abilities, and I have to risk choosing doors most of you will not agree with. Some of the doors I have taken have lead others you probably think are still open to close. What's most important is this door here has opened.

So the question is what do you want most in this world? We don't need to want the exact same things but if there is over lap we will eventually catch up to each other in our respective paths.

I have a view of the future and am move toward that, and I won't saddle you with my expectations, but know I'll find you on the path if our desires overlap.

I will forever be open to the things that you believe I should consider or questions I need to ask myself.

Love love love

Okay. Message to my sisters.

All growing up my fun fact when meeting everyone is my life was that i had a big family and that it was the best thing in the world. In particular, I was raised by women and that this was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I still believe that to this day. It's such a privilege to have been able to experience life with all of you and to learn from you.

Every family member is an opportunity to see my life is a different way that adds depth and color to my perceptions. iIn the best way, it's overwhelming when you see it all in full light.

There are deep challenges as well and know we all experience all of those too. Big families have the same misconception as big parties, to the outside they seem like homogenous grand affairs.

The intimacy is secluded and varied. This is why our experiences of the 'same' events can be so different.

It's quite the series of events to have our mother, have nine sisters, and come of age during feminism. I think it's fair to say, that I had quite a different view of the world than most men.

Added to that I was born with something that i can't quite put words too, but leads me to find the edge of my abilities as a way to discover some truths of our existence.

If I'm operating at the edge of my abilities it means I've dropped the most falsehoods and found the most truths. It's a deeply uncomfortable process, most of my life I have found myself in that state. In fact, if I start doing what everyone else is doing, I get depressed and don't function well. Remind me of this if you see me struggling!

Now here is where faith comes into play. It's possible that my ego or a darkness is in control and everything I say following is incorrect. I don't know, so operate with your own compass.

I however play to be the best, so the choice of behavior becomes clear with that choice.

I must risk operating in what would be the winning position, even if I'm right my body and mind will try to produce the maximum combination of feelings to punish me until I change or I simply diluted and can't be saved.

Say I am the man I say I am. What am I to do? The best state is the most people understanding the truth but the truth has to be discovered or understood for ones self. I know this to be true.

I also know that most people don't care, they like to dislike their story or they are just having a hard enough time as it is and feel they can't consider other possibilities.

There is no right or wrong. Everything is okay, whatever you are or become. I will live my whole life in one falsehood or another. It's impossible to consider another possibility. Whatever your deepest desire is will be what you move toward, it's easiest to ignore our actions as evidence for our desires.

Suffice it to say to say I have found some truths that the heart of the perceptions of our family mind. These realizations caused me the deepest pain I have ever experienced in my life, this didn't come from you but you are involved.

I so badly want to shout them from the rooftop and for you to hear me and believe me. But the truth is 'dangerous' and not transmittable via words. I also might be wrong, and if was wrong and demanded to be heard and listened to then that would cause damage.

Again I'm playing to find the edge of my abilities, and I have to risk choosing doors most of you will not agree with. Some of the doors I have taken have lead others you probably think are still open to close. What's most important is this door here has opened.

So the question is what do you want most in this world? We don't need to want the exact same things but if there is over lap we will eventually catch up to each other in our respective paths.

I have a view of the future and am move toward that, and I won't saddle you with my expectations, but know I'll find you on the path if our desires overlap.

I will forever be open to the things that you believe I should consider or questions I need to ask myself.

Love love love