Took a few days off, but that is not my intention. I seem to be clinging to old habits that preoccupy my mind.

I realized that this is as much of an unfiltered area for me to complete some self realization to my self. That's a hilarious sentence. I shows how many of these thoughts I learned from others and within them their desires to demonstrate status. Anyway, it's also an area of me to examine the world. I suppose, I see clearly now how the world and you are one.

This seems quite practical on many levels. I have interacted with the world my whole life. The world seems. More determined than any one person, so exploring the world seems to be more fruitful in some senses because it just is but that's not quite true because there are people and ideas that exercise a great deal of influence. But all of that has been communicated to me via story telling. Most of my experiences are made up of a blend of experiences from people across generations.

Just this morning, tea, bed, blinds, cars, city, spanish, computer, phone, crypto, clothes, food, apartment, cup, chair, and more.

What's the last moment or period of my life that was dictated by another person, outside of people you share your life with directly. I guess it was covid. That was significant as well.

So far the biggest thing is realizing what an effect the people in your life have on you. You know this but considering it from this lens. I'm also realizing how long it's been since I genuinely explored my thoughts. I missed this so much.

It's so wonderful to just consider things and not give a fuck what anyone else is thinking for doing.

I fucking love to consider, balance and readjust. This angle, that one, and the rest.

Okay on the right path. One of genuine exploration. Exploring myself, with special consideration with the world and the people closest to me physically or through time.

It's crazy how many people are close to steve jobs because of personal computing devices.

Okay big tangent that only served for proved me with dopamine and self satisfaction. I tad pathetic how much I need to go to that place.

Okay so I go straight to punishing myself for known (to me) bad behaviors, and that just reenforces the behavior. Noted. Just observe what is and don't try to stop what now.

This place feels clear, it feels that I can be a more straightforward version of what I truly am. At the very least because I will not be lying to myself. Lying in general are such a complete and utter waste of energy. I would be happy to route out all the ones I am aware of and also just all of them.

Maintaining lies or false appearances is just so dumb. It's complete npc behavior, just be what you are.

This is something I knew but now understand with experience. I'm embarrassed and disappointed in myself. Okay so I'm just righting that because I know others people see this so some extent. It's not that that's not true. It's that, well I don't lie about that big of things and also within my own mind or being there is no judgement because what I do just is. Within my mind or any mind, if you pleel back the layers, than what is just is and you deal with that simply.

I believe it's a more fundamental level than honestly with others, because if someone doesn't find out, some people would say what's the harm. But there is deep harm to that person and yourself.

There is distance between you and the other person and distance between you and yourself. That is manifested in wasted energy and loss of the deepest connections.

So lying is really so sad. At it's best it's a low level pain killer, that is prescribed as long as the lie is maintained. That's such a sad way to live.

Damn I don't want any unnecessary lies. There are some instances where I think they are correct by that's a topic for another day.

Lies and influence - sounds like the title of a scary book. I'm glad I'm have explored these topics.

Broad societal lies really are so pernicious, I will not become or be apart of something that spreads them ever.

Okay, that's all. Have a good one.

-james

Took a few days off, but that is not my intention. I seem to be clinging to old habits that preoccupy my mind.

I realized that this is as much of an unfiltered area for me to complete some self realization to my self. That's a hilarious sentence. I shows how many of these thoughts I learned from others and within them their desires to demonstrate status. Anyway, it's also an area of me to examine the world. I suppose, I see clearly now how the world and you are one.

This seems quite practical on many levels. I have interacted with the world my whole life. The world seems. More determined than any one person, so exploring the world seems to be more fruitful in some senses because it just is but that's not quite true because there are people and ideas that exercise a great deal of influence. But all of that has been communicated to me via story telling. Most of my experiences are made up of a blend of experiences from people across generations.

Just this morning, tea, bed, blinds, cars, city, spanish, computer, phone, crypto, clothes, food, apartment, cup, chair, and more.

What's the last moment or period of my life that was dictated by another person, outside of people you share your life with directly. I guess it was covid. That was significant as well.

So far the biggest thing is realizing what an effect the people in your life have on you. You know this but considering it from this lens. I'm also realizing how long it's been since I genuinely explored my thoughts. I missed this so much.

It's so wonderful to just consider things and not give a fuck what anyone else is thinking for doing.

I fucking love to consider, balance and readjust. This angle, that one, and the rest.

Okay on the right path. One of genuine exploration. Exploring myself, with special consideration with the world and the people closest to me physically or through time.

It's crazy how many people are close to steve jobs because of personal computing devices.

Okay big tangent that only served for proved me with dopamine and self satisfaction. I tad pathetic how much I need to go to that place.

Okay so I go straight to punishing myself for known (to me) bad behaviors, and that just reenforces the behavior. Noted. Just observe what is and don't try to stop what now.

This place feels clear, it feels that I can be a more straightforward version of what I truly am. At the very least because I will not be lying to myself. Lying in general are such a complete and utter waste of energy. I would be happy to route out all the ones I am aware of and also just all of them.

Maintaining lies or false appearances is just so dumb. It's complete npc behavior, just be what you are.

This is something I knew but now understand with experience. I'm embarrassed and disappointed in myself. Okay so I'm just righting that because I know others people see this so some extent. It's not that that's not true. It's that, well I don't lie about that big of things and also within my own mind or being there is no judgement because what I do just is. Within my mind or any mind, if you pleel back the layers, than what is just is and you deal with that simply.

I believe it's a more fundamental level than honestly with others, because if someone doesn't find out, some people would say what's the harm. But there is deep harm to that person and yourself.

There is distance between you and the other person and distance between you and yourself. That is manifested in wasted energy and loss of the deepest connections.

So lying is really so sad. At it's best it's a low level pain killer, that is prescribed as long as the lie is maintained. That's such a sad way to live.

Damn I don't want any unnecessary lies. There are some instances where I think they are correct by that's a topic for another day.

Lies and influence - sounds like the title of a scary book. I'm glad I'm have explored these topics.

Broad societal lies really are so pernicious, I will not become or be apart of something that spreads them ever.

Okay, that's all. Have a good one.

-james