Rewrite your self-judgment to pick your favorite self-judgment and reduce it to a concise self-belief. For example, I am worthless, I am unworthy of happiness, I am a failure, I am unloved, I am incomplete, etc. Take a hard look back at your life and notice all the things that refute this view. List all your accomplishments, all the people who have expressed love for you, all the invitations you have received, all the people who have been pleased with you, the joy you have felt, etc. Slow down, take it in, and focus fully on finding all the positive experiences you've had, going back to the end of your memory. Your mind will start arguing that these are meaningless things. It says "but..." "It wants to continue to indulge in the" poor me "story. You have to realize that your mind doesn't want to let go of these self-beliefs. Acknowledge it, say to yourself, "This is the mind," and then continue to bury your list, keep focusing on the positive arguments, and look at your life with a fresh perspective, just as you would look at someone else's life. See with your heart, and visualize. How many people have told you they love you? More than one? More than two? Ignore the mind's comment: "None of this counts because you don't trust them." You have to look at it openly and honestly. Have you ever been accepted for a job? It means someone thought you were good enough! Have you ever laughed out loud? Have you passed a test? Have you got a driving license? What are the things that show you are capable? What do people appreciate about you? This is not to prove that these positive experiences are real, but to make you aware that your beliefs are not 100% true. They are not set in stone. So maybe they're just ideas from the past that you've carried around for a long time and never questioned. This is not "positive thinking" either. It's not about looking in the mirror and saying, "I'm capable." It's simply about changing beliefs that are buried deep in the unconscious and testing their truth by bringing them to consciousness. This is an important part of the process and is worth the time and effort. Because deep down inside, you're still clinging to the idea that I'm not perfect. Guess what happens if you pretend this belief doesn't exist? Once again, you will prove the truth of this belief through your own unconscious actions. When you find that belief is not 100% true, think back to a time when you firmly believed it. Close your eyes and remember where you were, what was going on, who else was there, etc. When you think about it, it's like you're back in the moment. Be aware of how you feel in this situation, when you believe in this belief. Be aware of how this affects your energy, how it affects your body posture, your attitude. Really feel what it's doing to you. Still think of yourself in the situation, and notice how you projected your thoughts -- how they made you act, what came out of your mouth, what made you tongue-tied. What's the way you talk. Be aware of how this affects your attitude towards others. Think back to another time when you believed this. Can you see how your actions prove the truth of this belief? Can you see that you are actually reinforcing this belief? Spend some time here and really observe. This will give you a greater understanding of how strongly your beliefs have influenced how you feel and act, how they have run your life up until now, and how they have limited you from doing what you want to do. If you don't want to be like this for the rest of your life, use your imagination and imagine yourself without these beliefs. In your imagination, you go back to the same situation, to the same people, but without these negative self-beliefs. Be aware of how your body feels, what your attitude will be like, how you will act, how you will communicate with others, and even how your posture will be. If you like this new feeling, try it in real life. Use your imagination -- it's an incredibly powerful tool. Energy follows imagination. In an experiment at Harvard Medical School, for example, scientists found that students who imagined playing piano music lit up the same areas of the brain that control finger movement as those who actually played piano music. So imagining something practical can have a real impact on our brain circuits. After all, you've been holding these beliefs your whole life, but they're just ideas in your head. They're not 100% true, are they? So use your imagination and see you let go of them as if they were happening -- you're so natural and poised -- the way you were born, before you received these beliefs. At the same time, focus on what's going right in your life, rather than obsessing over what's going wrong. If you find yourself unable to see yourself letting go of these negative beliefs, say to yourself, "I'm not ready to let go of these beliefs. I want to keep these ideas because they are part of my identity, and the thought of letting them go scares me." When you take on this responsibility, your inner self will feel relaxed -- and the "what you should be" struggle will cease. Yes, it's scary to let go of old self-beliefs -- they're our identity, our comfort zone. But is it really worth the torture and suffering you go through to get it? This is your life, and if you are prepared to look at situations with true, conscious eyes, you have choices. If these beliefs remain undetected in your unconscious, you have no choice -- they will continue to run your life. Ask yourself, how would it feel to go through life holding on to these beliefs that prevent you from having all you want in your heart? What is the crisis in the relationship? It's that you don't get what you want. Beneath all the surface issues that we struggle with and struggle with, the bottom line is that we don't feel loved, appreciated, or accepted in that moment. Think about it. If you could have felt loved and respected in that moment as you are, would you have fought? In other words, the reason to fight is because your "ego" is hurt. It is much easier to point fingers and be angry at others than to look at the wounded self within. It's much easier to blame the other person than to feel uncomfortable feelings inside. This is what often happens in relationships - as we open ourselves up more and more and become more trusting and intimate with those around us, we become more and more vulnerable. We let down our protective walls, we take off our defensive masks, which means our past wounds are more likely to be triggered. When we feel rejected, criticized, or judged, all the old wounds come to the surface, along with all the old beliefs that we're not good enough to be loved. These feelings never go away -- they're just protected by various self-preservation strategies, like "I'm fine, I have everything under control," or "I'm a happy, lucky person, easy-going, totally free of personal needs..." When we are in a vulnerable or insecure situation, the mask of self-protection begins to fray and the fear of the past immediately rises from the unconscious, which is why we act out. In the