Hey yall. Been a while.

I suspect hardly anyone reads this substack as I’ve only made a handful of articles, but I felt it best to write up an update as to what’s been going on and why I’ve been gone for a while. Granted a few months isn’t that long as far as a blog goes, but regardless, I thought I’d throw out an update anyway. This article is mostly about getting my thoughts out on paper and trying to make sense of how I’m feeling about life.

To keep a long story short, I’ve been juggling finishing off college and holding down a brand new job as a customer service rep for a financial company (due to company policy, I can’t say the exact name of my employer without sacrificing my anonymity. Needless to say however, the company I work for now has a particular interest in digital assets). All in all, things have been a bit busy, especially with tax season. I was hoping to finish off my last four college classes this semester, however, due to how challenging my new job has been, I decided to cut this last semester down to two classes instead of four. I thought it was best not to burn myself out. I’ll be finishing my last two classes this coming fall, after which I’ll be officially done with college; no more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks.

Another reason for the temporary sabbatical was to allow me to rethink my relationship with blockchain stuff. After the FTX blowup earlier this year, things have been pretty rough. I think it’s appropriate to say that we’re officially passing through the ‘trough of disillusionment’. What happened with SBF was particularly demoralizing because Sam tricked us all into thinking that we could trust him. For a while, it felt like he was the only liaison between us and policymakers amidst the chaos and opportunism going on within the sector. I really believed he could dole out some reasonable policy and help legitimize the sector in the eyes of regulators.

Then it was all revealed to be a sham. Ever since Sam was exposed as the filthy rat that he is, the government has done everything in its power to strangle the sector to death. The Biden Administration more or less declared itself an enemy of crypto and allowed Gensler to screw over the industry in any way he could. It now feels like we’re lightyears away from any type of decent regulation while every other nation zips ahead. Oh yeah, and Sam got bailed out by some friends in high places and is now walking free while awaiting his trial, all while other people far better than him are rotting in jail.

So yeah, I’m pretty pissed. I’m also pretty discouraged. Originally, I went down the crypto rabbit hole as some starry-eyed believer, thinking that blockchain technology would fundamentally fix everything that is wrong with our broken society. FTX showed me that although this technology can solve some problems, it will never be able to solve basic human nature. I’ve come to accept this, but there’s still some part of me that believes the tech can allow humanity to coordinate so that we can fix the problems our world is facing. On the other hand, the more realistic cynical side of me says that blockchain isn’t able to fix our current system or even replace it.

I’m not ragequitting crypto in any way, I’m just conflicted. I want to believe that the tech can point humanity in the right direction and will allow us to move forward as a society. It’s just hard to see that now with the sorry state crypto is in. I’ve begun to wonder if I should even stick around. If the tech doesn’t accomplish what I want it to accomplish, why bother? On the other hand, what if I’m wrong and the tech actually does accomplish what it sets out to do? For me, it’s something of a faith crisis and not one I’ve been able to fully reconcile myself with.

I know I want to fix our current system or replace it entirely if need be. I’m sick and tired of watching the government flounder about while everything from the environment to infrastructure gets worse and worse. People are suffering and the system seems unable to do anything about it. I’m also sick of people telling me to accept the things I can’t change. Words cannot describe how much I loathe that statement. No, I’m not going to sit around while everything burns around me. I’m going to do my damndest to find a fire extinguisher and actually do something about it. To me, “it is what it is” is a poor excuse to not take action.

So yeah, I want to change the world. I want to disrupt the system so we can finally make progress. The problem is, I’m unsure exactly of how to do that. I’ve tried messing around with learning code so I could be a developer; however, I haven’t made much leeway in that area. I’d like to keep trying to learn code, but I think I have to admit to myself that I’m not much of a dev. If anything I’m a creative; I started off in the crypto-sphere doing NFTs, and while I didn’t earn much, it’s something I enjoyed. I also have some experience with UX as it was my first college major before I switched over to psychology as my bachelor’s. As a result, I’ve been thinking of shifting toward UI/UX design for web3 and DAOs rather than dev. I know web3 apps have a major UX problem right now and the one effective way to drive adoption is to have better UX. If I can contribute to the sector in a way that will help it succeed, it will have been worth it.

Last year, before FTX occurred, I actually was doing a bit of graphic design work for a few choice DAOs. This was mostly during a period while I was exploring different DAOs and trying to contribute as best as I could. However, after a while, I got cold feet and backed off. I’m still not sure why I became so nervous. Maybe it was because I felt inadequate and that my skills weren’t up to snuff. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of long-term commitment. Perhaps it’s the uncertainty of whether web3 is really the right career path for me. I’m honestly not sure why. What I do know is that the path to web3 is not a straightforward one and isn’t easy to tread.

This is still a very young sector and there are many unknowns. There’s also much skepticism regarding the technology’s potential. One sacrifice crypto and web3 require of you is your own sense of perfectionism. I’ve always been a person of habit and routine. I’ve become accustomed to people telling me what to do and how to do it. Web3 takes those tendencies and orders you to chuck them out the window. It requires you to experiment and become comfortable with interfaces and experiences that are often clunky and difficult to use. It encourages you to explore and pave your own path rather than follow a sequence of checkpoints. That’s the most exciting part of web3 but for me, it’s also the most intimidating.

Web3 also requires you to take a leap of faith. I’m not sure how this sector is going to turn out, whether it fails or succeeds in its objectives. If I’m going to get involved, I must be willing to bite the bullet and take a plunge into the dark. That’s usually how faith often works; it sounds irrational and maybe even insane, but the great achievers of history didn’t find success by playing it safe. They knew what risks they needed to take and went all in.

Not exactly sure what I want my path to be moving forward. I still feel like there’s a lot for me to learn and experiment with before I find a vocation that sticks. One resolution I want to stick to is finishing projects once I start them. There are too many endeavors and projects that I say I’ll finish and then never get around to completing. I’ve always had that problem. I want to be known as someone who goes the distance and commits to completing something, even after I’ve lost interest. No more flaking out.

Although I’m not that good of a dev, I still want to give coding a go. I think I might focus next on creating and designing dapps to get a better idea of how they work and to give me more practice with UI/UX design. I know I was trying to code a pinball machine game in Rust before I went on hiatus, so I might pick up there. Whatever I decide to do, I’ll continue to Substack. The most important thing about this journey is that I keep learning all that I can. Knowledge is power after all.

That’s pretty much everything I wanted to cover in this article. It’s a bit rambly but I needed someplace where I could condense my thoughts. Despite feeling some uncertainty, I want to commit to going all in on web3, damned be the consequences. Now that school’s out and I have more time on my hands, you can expect more blog posts for the next few months. Might need to take another break come fall semester but aside from that, I’m committed to taking this journey.

Oh yeah, and I also changed my name! I picked Blockmage a while back and while playing that persona was fun, the name felt a bit too generic. I decided to revert back to my old web3 name that I used back in my NFT heydays (Alditrus is actually the name of an old D&D oc of mine, a half-elf bard). It sounds more catchy and is more recognizable. I’m aware that changing my substack URL broke all of my links so I’ll make sure to shoot an email out to my followers so they’re in the know.

That’s it from me. Expect to see more articles here in the near future. Also, follow me on Mastodon if you’re on there. Cheers!