A formerly sheltered Indian girl shares her attempts to attempt life anew.
A formerly sheltered Indian girl shares her attempts to attempt life anew.
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As a child, I was often congratulated on being compliant and quiet. Between my sibling and I, my parents expressly asked me to be the bigger person: allow them their naughtiness, indulge their curiosities, and accommodate their tantrums. To be clear: I believe that these "selfish" stages of a child are important developmental stages. When adults allow children to be selfish (within reason), they subconsciously acknowledge the struggles of being a growing child, and makes them feel loved, unconditionally. So I don't begrudge my sibling their "selfishness" as a kid. I don't hate that they destroyed my toys and constantly needed my parents' attention. I don't regret having to share my stationery or candies with them without fail. I don't care that I was constantly walking on hot coals around them, lest they be inconvenienced and start wailing and screaming. I had to make these sacrifices for peace in the family. My parents worked hard and were constantly fatigued. I owed it to them to prevent creating a screaming, wailing child out of my sibling. I also owed it to them to not be a screaming, wailing child myself. They had bigger things to worry about and bills to be paid.
So, I rarely "made a scene". My coping mechanisms were internal and self-sabotaging. My response to intense emotional turmoil was checking out mentally, what I now know is depersonalisation. I would also have debilitating physical symptoms of anxiety. I was anxious about everything, from people, situations, to exams, et cetera. The only time I wasn't anxious or depressed was in seclusion. If I was alone, I could be myself and had nothing to do and no-one to answer to. The only thing that made me feel good about myself was food. Self-isolation and binge-snacking became my go to stress busters. These coping mechanisms saw me through a tough childhood and life until college. And I am thankful. But it was too late when I realised that they were becoming a problem. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of being alone and binge-eating. I had no hobbies, no friends, and no personality.
I want to break free.
I have created a set of really difficult 120 challenges to catapult me out of my comfort zone in isolation. They are aimed at pushing boundaries with my career, health, style, personality, hobbies, and fears and anxieties. Feel free to adopt any or all of these challenges in your life. If you do, please leave a comment for me!
Start training for a marathon.
Revisit your education. (My social anxiety in college meant that my studies were limited to helping me pass my exams. I want to become an expert academic in my field.)
Explore hairstyles that look good on me.
Sign up for guitar lessons. (Or whatever instrument you prefer)
Reach out to an old friend that I have ghosted and apologise.
Identify five companies/firms I want to work with and narrow down on pre requisites to apply.
Start practicing "Sudarshan Kriya" or "SKY" daily. (For the unaware, this is a powerful meditation technique taught by Art of Living foundation. If you are not interested in SKY, feel free to opt for any other type of meditation.)
Commence vocal training.
Sign up for badminton classes. (You could choose a sport of your choice.)
Take concrete steps to make one new acquaintance (and hopefully a lifelong friend).
Identify solid, reliable, and relevant news media and keep up with it. (For the past few months, I have deliberately avoided/been too lazy to keep up with the news and current events. Reading the paper made me anxious. I need to get back in the game)
Start a daily full-body stretching routine.
Purchase a new eye-liner. (I have an unhealthy relationship with dressing up and make-up. I have been taught to think some forms of presenting your body are shameful/wrong/vain. This is my attempt at overcoming that shame. What internalised shame do you need to get over?)
Start reading a "non-self help" book every week.
Sign up for shooting/carpentry classes. (You could opt for any hobby you have ever been interested in.)
Practice driving a car. (I am afraid of driving due to somethings in my past. Indian people also have a culture of calling bad female drivers as "lady drivers" in a derogatory way (although statistically there are significantly more bad male drivers). My biggest fear is being called a "lady driver", although technically I am one.)
With love,
(Soon to be) Formerly Sheltered
As a child, I was often congratulated on being compliant and quiet. Between my sibling and I, my parents expressly asked me to be the bigger person: allow them their naughtiness, indulge their curiosities, and accommodate their tantrums. To be clear: I believe that these "selfish" stages of a child are important developmental stages. When adults allow children to be selfish (within reason), they subconsciously acknowledge the struggles of being a growing child, and makes them feel loved, unconditionally. So I don't begrudge my sibling their "selfishness" as a kid. I don't hate that they destroyed my toys and constantly needed my parents' attention. I don't regret having to share my stationery or candies with them without fail. I don't care that I was constantly walking on hot coals around them, lest they be inconvenienced and start wailing and screaming. I had to make these sacrifices for peace in the family. My parents worked hard and were constantly fatigued. I owed it to them to prevent creating a screaming, wailing child out of my sibling. I also owed it to them to not be a screaming, wailing child myself. They had bigger things to worry about and bills to be paid.
So, I rarely "made a scene". My coping mechanisms were internal and self-sabotaging. My response to intense emotional turmoil was checking out mentally, what I now know is depersonalisation. I would also have debilitating physical symptoms of anxiety. I was anxious about everything, from people, situations, to exams, et cetera. The only time I wasn't anxious or depressed was in seclusion. If I was alone, I could be myself and had nothing to do and no-one to answer to. The only thing that made me feel good about myself was food. Self-isolation and binge-snacking became my go to stress busters. These coping mechanisms saw me through a tough childhood and life until college. And I am thankful. But it was too late when I realised that they were becoming a problem. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of being alone and binge-eating. I had no hobbies, no friends, and no personality.
I want to break free.
I have created a set of really difficult 120 challenges to catapult me out of my comfort zone in isolation. They are aimed at pushing boundaries with my career, health, style, personality, hobbies, and fears and anxieties. Feel free to adopt any or all of these challenges in your life. If you do, please leave a comment for me!
Start training for a marathon.
Revisit your education. (My social anxiety in college meant that my studies were limited to helping me pass my exams. I want to become an expert academic in my field.)
Explore hairstyles that look good on me.
Sign up for guitar lessons. (Or whatever instrument you prefer)
Reach out to an old friend that I have ghosted and apologise.
Identify five companies/firms I want to work with and narrow down on pre requisites to apply.
Start practicing "Sudarshan Kriya" or "SKY" daily. (For the unaware, this is a powerful meditation technique taught by Art of Living foundation. If you are not interested in SKY, feel free to opt for any other type of meditation.)
Commence vocal training.
Sign up for badminton classes. (You could choose a sport of your choice.)
Take concrete steps to make one new acquaintance (and hopefully a lifelong friend).
Identify solid, reliable, and relevant news media and keep up with it. (For the past few months, I have deliberately avoided/been too lazy to keep up with the news and current events. Reading the paper made me anxious. I need to get back in the game)
Start a daily full-body stretching routine.
Purchase a new eye-liner. (I have an unhealthy relationship with dressing up and make-up. I have been taught to think some forms of presenting your body are shameful/wrong/vain. This is my attempt at overcoming that shame. What internalised shame do you need to get over?)
Start reading a "non-self help" book every week.
Sign up for shooting/carpentry classes. (You could opt for any hobby you have ever been interested in.)
Practice driving a car. (I am afraid of driving due to somethings in my past. Indian people also have a culture of calling bad female drivers as "lady drivers" in a derogatory way (although statistically there are significantly more bad male drivers). My biggest fear is being called a "lady driver", although technically I am one.)
With love,
(Soon to be) Formerly Sheltered
Start writing a technical blog in my field of expertise and aim to publish it within 15 days of starting.
Start body-weight exercises.
Purchase new eye glasses and contacts. (My financial anxiety stops me from investing in new ones because mine are still "functional". Although, the paint has worn off and one of the nose pads has come off, with its metallic pad arm digging into my nose painfully.)
Learn how to pose in photographs. (My current go to poses resemble the troll in the bathroom from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.)
Learn how to make a single Indian dish and perfect my technique.
Post something on the family WhatsApp group. (I was often (gently) bullied by my extended family. Engaging with them, especially on chat, makes me anxious. This is my attempt at getting over myself. What social situations terrify you?).
Start planning and writing down my big literary project. (You can substitute this with any creative endeavour you have wanted to undertake.)
Start eating eggs. (My vegetarian Indian diet is protein deficient. I want to correct that.)
Practice body language for professional and social settings.
Explore a new music artist/genre every week and create playlists. This includes both Indian and foreign music. (I was not permitted to listen to "phoren" and "modern" songs. My musical tastes are presently, extremely limited. For instance, I don't know any Nirvana or Metallica music.)
Start exploring niche areas of interest, read up on them, and create awareness. I will start with international relations, India's history, and cybersecurity.
Go to a public place alone, such as an amusement park, fancy restaurant, or the movies.
Apply for a job.
Research on methods to improve eye health and build a personal regimen.
Purchase three jeans/pants that I actually like on myself.
Make another acquaintance/(hopefully a lifelong friend).
Learn to play chess/cards.
Spend a whole day travelling the city. (I live in a metropolitan city that I know nothing about because I was too scared to step out of my house. I would encourage you to explore your own city/town.)
Identify and follow trailblazers in my field of expertise and read their work. Also, apply/follow-up for jobs.
Research on methods to improve ear health and build a personal regimen.
Invest in workout friendly gear/Invest in a wrist watch.
Schedule a hangout session with an acquaintance/friend.
Learn an unconventional language. (I was encouraged to learn "career-oriented" languages such as French, Spanish, or some other European language. I want to learn an "unproductive" but interesting language instead.)
Make an "unnecessary/shallow" purchase. (I have extreme financial anxiety. I hesitate in making necessary purchases because in my head, they are "shallow". For instance, bags, decor, or clothes. I intend to purchase either a fancy camera or a gaming system.)
Reactivate LinkedIn and make your first post.
Research on methods to improve dental health and build a personal regimen.
Research on a tattoo and a good artist. Take an appointment. (I have always wanted to get on, just never got to it.)
Join a club of some sort, such as a book club.
Sign up for martial arts classes.
Take a picture good enough to put in a dating profile. (If you want to remain single or are already in a relationship, I suggest you take a picture.)
Plan a book in the area of my expertise. + Apply for jobs.
Undertake posture training.
Purchase three nice tops, all different from each other. They cannot be oversized shirts or sleepwear.
Watch one iconic/legendary/unique movie a week.
Go for a one day solo trek near your city.
Organise a hang out session with a new acquaintance/friend.
Reach out with your work to the trailblazers you identified. Ask for their thoughts and feedback.
Research on proper diet. Focus on nutrition.
Get ear piercings.
Prepare and practice a general speech on your area of expertise that you can use in different forums.
Start a calming hobby such as knitting or gardening.
Prepare and practice a Hindi song to sing in social settings.
Take training sessions on Microsoft Office and presentation making tools. Also learn keyboard shortcuts.
Learn money management and investments. Apply for jobs.
Invest in good daily outside wear. At least, three pairs of outfits.
Organise a quiz in a cafe.
Take a picture during one of your hobby classes, for your dating profile.
Network with appropriate individuals in your field.
Get blood-work done to identify deficiencies if any.
Research on environment-friendly and comfortable sanitary products.
Research on quality make-up products.
Attend an event in my city, such as art or music festivals.
Sign up for piano classes.
Plan a solo trip.
Sign up for events pertaining to my area of expertise. + Apply of jobs.
Find a good therapist. Make it a regular practice.
Get laser hair removal. (Regular hair removal is sooo expensive. I want to be done with it once and for all.)
Join a painting or pottery workshop.
Organise a dinner with acquaintances/friends.
Research and practice negotiation and study human and organisational psychology. (As a perpetually anxious person with several social handicaps, this is essential.) + Apply for jobs.
Research on best practices for digestive/gut health and implement a regimen.
Invest in some good ethnic wear.
Make a new acquaintance and friend.
Make a dating profile.
Practice oratory. + Apply for jobs.
Research on best practices for menstrual health and implement a regimen.
Get your colour analysis done.
Organise an event.
Research on cool hobbies and pick one.
Ask someone out.
Research on studies done on workplace conditions in my field and innovations. + Apply for jobs.
Incorporate fish into diet.
Get a tailored outfit / Invest in a handbag.
Set up regular family video calls.
Swim in the deep-end of a swimming pool. (I can swim but not well.)
Reach out to peers in my field and establish connections. + Apply for jobs.
Research on foot health and implement regimen.
Research on good workstation styles for posture and presentation.
Volunteer for any cause you care about.
Call up a relative.
Cold email a trailblazer, ask for a chat. + Apply for a job.
Get a massage.
Make outfits based on aesthetics.
Set up regular donations to a cause I care about.
Ask someone out.
Actively try and avoid thinking about career-related issues for a week.
Plan a trip to a park with family/friends if I can.
Research on nail health/joint health and implement a regimen.
Read an important religious text. (If you are not religious, you may consider any philosophical book instead.)
Research on and learn about an influential historical person or event, weekly.
Guide a student/junior that reaches out to me on LinkedIn (Although, this is very scary).
Organise a networking event for individuals in my field.
Plan for a digital detox day.
Invest in adult undergarments.
Organise a get-together.
Identify my favourite hobbies and double down on them.
Organise a major family bash at my native place. (It could be a simple get-together or celebrating a birthday, et cetera)
Network with the cool people in my field. + Apply for jobs if I have to.
Plan a weekend trek.
Purchase a wind-cheater or jacket.
Attend events related to your hobbies.
Organise a family trip.
Create a log or record of all your career-related achievements.
Look back at how far you have come.
Start writing a technical blog in my field of expertise and aim to publish it within 15 days of starting.
Start body-weight exercises.
Purchase new eye glasses and contacts. (My financial anxiety stops me from investing in new ones because mine are still "functional". Although, the paint has worn off and one of the nose pads has come off, with its metallic pad arm digging into my nose painfully.)
Learn how to pose in photographs. (My current go to poses resemble the troll in the bathroom from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.)
Learn how to make a single Indian dish and perfect my technique.
Post something on the family WhatsApp group. (I was often (gently) bullied by my extended family. Engaging with them, especially on chat, makes me anxious. This is my attempt at getting over myself. What social situations terrify you?).
Start planning and writing down my big literary project. (You can substitute this with any creative endeavour you have wanted to undertake.)
Start eating eggs. (My vegetarian Indian diet is protein deficient. I want to correct that.)
Practice body language for professional and social settings.
Explore a new music artist/genre every week and create playlists. This includes both Indian and foreign music. (I was not permitted to listen to "phoren" and "modern" songs. My musical tastes are presently, extremely limited. For instance, I don't know any Nirvana or Metallica music.)
Start exploring niche areas of interest, read up on them, and create awareness. I will start with international relations, India's history, and cybersecurity.
Go to a public place alone, such as an amusement park, fancy restaurant, or the movies.
Apply for a job.
Research on methods to improve eye health and build a personal regimen.
Purchase three jeans/pants that I actually like on myself.
Make another acquaintance/(hopefully a lifelong friend).
Learn to play chess/cards.
Spend a whole day travelling the city. (I live in a metropolitan city that I know nothing about because I was too scared to step out of my house. I would encourage you to explore your own city/town.)
Identify and follow trailblazers in my field of expertise and read their work. Also, apply/follow-up for jobs.
Research on methods to improve ear health and build a personal regimen.
Invest in workout friendly gear/Invest in a wrist watch.
Schedule a hangout session with an acquaintance/friend.
Learn an unconventional language. (I was encouraged to learn "career-oriented" languages such as French, Spanish, or some other European language. I want to learn an "unproductive" but interesting language instead.)
Make an "unnecessary/shallow" purchase. (I have extreme financial anxiety. I hesitate in making necessary purchases because in my head, they are "shallow". For instance, bags, decor, or clothes. I intend to purchase either a fancy camera or a gaming system.)
Reactivate LinkedIn and make your first post.
Research on methods to improve dental health and build a personal regimen.
Research on a tattoo and a good artist. Take an appointment. (I have always wanted to get on, just never got to it.)
Join a club of some sort, such as a book club.
Sign up for martial arts classes.
Take a picture good enough to put in a dating profile. (If you want to remain single or are already in a relationship, I suggest you take a picture.)
Plan a book in the area of my expertise. + Apply for jobs.
Undertake posture training.
Purchase three nice tops, all different from each other. They cannot be oversized shirts or sleepwear.
Watch one iconic/legendary/unique movie a week.
Go for a one day solo trek near your city.
Organise a hang out session with a new acquaintance/friend.
Reach out with your work to the trailblazers you identified. Ask for their thoughts and feedback.
Research on proper diet. Focus on nutrition.
Get ear piercings.
Prepare and practice a general speech on your area of expertise that you can use in different forums.
Start a calming hobby such as knitting or gardening.
Prepare and practice a Hindi song to sing in social settings.
Take training sessions on Microsoft Office and presentation making tools. Also learn keyboard shortcuts.
Learn money management and investments. Apply for jobs.
Invest in good daily outside wear. At least, three pairs of outfits.
Organise a quiz in a cafe.
Take a picture during one of your hobby classes, for your dating profile.
Network with appropriate individuals in your field.
Get blood-work done to identify deficiencies if any.
Research on environment-friendly and comfortable sanitary products.
Research on quality make-up products.
Attend an event in my city, such as art or music festivals.
Sign up for piano classes.
Plan a solo trip.
Sign up for events pertaining to my area of expertise. + Apply of jobs.
Find a good therapist. Make it a regular practice.
Get laser hair removal. (Regular hair removal is sooo expensive. I want to be done with it once and for all.)
Join a painting or pottery workshop.
Organise a dinner with acquaintances/friends.
Research and practice negotiation and study human and organisational psychology. (As a perpetually anxious person with several social handicaps, this is essential.) + Apply for jobs.
Research on best practices for digestive/gut health and implement a regimen.
Invest in some good ethnic wear.
Make a new acquaintance and friend.
Make a dating profile.
Practice oratory. + Apply for jobs.
Research on best practices for menstrual health and implement a regimen.
Get your colour analysis done.
Organise an event.
Research on cool hobbies and pick one.
Ask someone out.
Research on studies done on workplace conditions in my field and innovations. + Apply for jobs.
Incorporate fish into diet.
Get a tailored outfit / Invest in a handbag.
Set up regular family video calls.
Swim in the deep-end of a swimming pool. (I can swim but not well.)
Reach out to peers in my field and establish connections. + Apply for jobs.
Research on foot health and implement regimen.
Research on good workstation styles for posture and presentation.
Volunteer for any cause you care about.
Call up a relative.
Cold email a trailblazer, ask for a chat. + Apply for a job.
Get a massage.
Make outfits based on aesthetics.
Set up regular donations to a cause I care about.
Ask someone out.
Actively try and avoid thinking about career-related issues for a week.
Plan a trip to a park with family/friends if I can.
Research on nail health/joint health and implement a regimen.
Read an important religious text. (If you are not religious, you may consider any philosophical book instead.)
Research on and learn about an influential historical person or event, weekly.
Guide a student/junior that reaches out to me on LinkedIn (Although, this is very scary).
Organise a networking event for individuals in my field.
Plan for a digital detox day.
Invest in adult undergarments.
Organise a get-together.
Identify my favourite hobbies and double down on them.
Organise a major family bash at my native place. (It could be a simple get-together or celebrating a birthday, et cetera)
Network with the cool people in my field. + Apply for jobs if I have to.
Plan a weekend trek.
Purchase a wind-cheater or jacket.
Attend events related to your hobbies.
Organise a family trip.
Create a log or record of all your career-related achievements.
Look back at how far you have come.
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