Today is Sunday, a day of rest, and one's state always goes up and down, and today I was no exception to the rule of trying to do something else. In the morning, I was dizzy while reading, I picked up and put down my note cards, I didn't feel very productive today, and my mood was a bit low. I went out for lunch with my son, and he talked about his games and classmates along the way, which made my heart skip a beat. I don't know if that's what other kids at home talk about when they talk to their parents. In my heart, while listening to him, I thought that he was “not doing his job” or that he was “boring”. When I heard him say these things, I felt even more depressed, thinking that it was hopeless for my child to have these things in his head all day long. However, I still have the sense that my own brain is judging and comparing, and that's what's causing the bad mood, and my child is just talking to me, so I don't get angry at my child for no reason, but this kind of feeling of depression is something that often occurs in my head. A lot of times it's when my son is telling me about things he finds funny that triggers this low and powerless feeling in me. He talks about his world, but his world is not the same as the one in my head, even if I find his world childish and boring and I am not at all interested in understanding it. Is this the generation gap? I would think of me and my mother, and I wouldn't want to go to the heart of the matter with her either. Because her world is all about what happened twenty years ago, and who's bad and who's pathetic. Her world is always in need of sympathy and support. My world is also hard for her to understand. My children and my mother are the closest people in my life, but both have an insurmountable chasm in communication. But let's not dwell on it, it's probably just part of life, reality is what it is. Will catch up on the notes I didn't take in the morning later. Since I've been with the kids for the past few days, there's no independent space for me to write on my own. Just writing essays.

Today is Sunday, a day of rest, and one's state always goes up and down, and today I was no exception to the rule of trying to do something else. In the morning, I was dizzy while reading, I picked up and put down my note cards, I didn't feel very productive today, and my mood was a bit low. I went out for lunch with my son, and he talked about his games and classmates along the way, which made my heart skip a beat. I don't know if that's what other kids at home talk about when they talk to their parents. In my heart, while listening to him, I thought that he was “not doing his job” or that he was “boring”. When I heard him say these things, I felt even more depressed, thinking that it was hopeless for my child to have these things in his head all day long. However, I still have the sense that my own brain is judging and comparing, and that's what's causing the bad mood, and my child is just talking to me, so I don't get angry at my child for no reason, but this kind of feeling of depression is something that often occurs in my head. A lot of times it's when my son is telling me about things he finds funny that triggers this low and powerless feeling in me. He talks about his world, but his world is not the same as the one in my head, even if I find his world childish and boring and I am not at all interested in understanding it. Is this the generation gap? I would think of me and my mother, and I wouldn't want to go to the heart of the matter with her either. Because her world is all about what happened twenty years ago, and who's bad and who's pathetic. Her world is always in need of sympathy and support. My world is also hard for her to understand. My children and my mother are the closest people in my life, but both have an insurmountable chasm in communication. But let's not dwell on it, it's probably just part of life, reality is what it is. Will catch up on the notes I didn't take in the morning later. Since I've been with the kids for the past few days, there's no independent space for me to write on my own. Just writing essays.