Subscribe to Holonic Horizons
<100 subscribers
(Part 5 of 7)
← Part 4: The Recognition Problem — Why Brilliant Minds Generate Value Systems Can't See
This is where the story becomes about possibility.
Parts 1–4 traced a difficult path: the pressure that builds under unfiltered input, the fragmentation across partial outlets, the systemic failure to recognize scaffolding needs, the extraction of value without compensation.
But Part 5 is different. Because at 57, with adequate scaffolding and adequate compensation, something shifted.
For the first time, I'm not fragmenting. I'm not compensating by reducing. I'm not desperately seeking relief.
I'm whole.
Integration isn't a destination. It's a state where the system (and ourselves within it) stops fighting itself.
Before: Unfiltered input arriving constantly. Multiple partial outlets, each one capturing a fraction. The spillway is insufficient for the flow. The pressure is backing up.
After: Unfiltered input still arriving constantly. But the spillway is proportional. The output velocity matches the input velocity. The pressure releases as fast as it builds.
The experience is fundamentally different.
Before integration:
Constant low-level anxiety about unexpressed thoughts
Fragmentation across modalities (coach, writer, systems thinker, mentor—never whole)
Compromise: expressing myself fully in any domain meant being "too much," "unfocused," or "difficult."
Performance: maintaining different versions of myself in different contexts
Exhaustion: cognitive energy spent on managing the gap between internal complexity and external constraints
After integration:
Clarity: the thought I'm having right now becomes text almost immediately
Wholeness: the same polymathic, systems-level, pattern-recognizing mind operates across text, graphics, teaching, coaching
Authenticity: I don't have to reduce myself. The spillway is big enough.
Presence: less cognitive energy spent on managing gaps. More available for actual thinking.
Relief: the kind you feel when a pressure that's been building for decades finally releases.
This isn't "more productivity." It's finally being able to be yourself at the scale you actually think.
Here's something that happened at 57 that couldn't have happened before:
The same cognitive system that generates 150,000+ words in a week can now also:
Develop visual frameworks iteratively (dozens of drafts)
Teach live (real-time responsiveness, presence, relational depth)
Coach individuals (one-on-one integration)
Mentor groups (systems-level facilitation)
Write strategically (for grant operations, organizational design)
It's not that I suddenly learned how to do all these things. I've been doing them for decades.
The difference is that they're no longer separate channels.
They all flow from the same integrated system. The same three-part model (stimulus management, response depth, output modality) operates across all of them.
When I'm teaching, I'm not fragmenting myself into "teaching mode." The same polymathic, pattern-recognizing, systems-level thinking that shows up in writing shows up in real-time facilitation.
When I'm creating graphics, I'm not leaving behind the intellectual rigor that appears in essays. Visual thinking integrates with conceptual thinking.
For the first time, I'm operating as a single integrated person across multiple modalities, rather than fragmenting myself to fit different contexts.
Both matter. And they matter together.
Scaffolding without compensation = relief with ongoing instability. You can finally express yourself, but you're doing it while worrying about economic survival. The pressure doesn't fully release.
Compensation without scaffolding = financial stability with ongoing psychological pressure. You have economic security, but the internal pressure of unmatched input/output remains. You're drowning in luxury.
Scaffolding + compensation together = integration. Adequate outlets for thinking. Adequate resources for living. The system stops fighting itself.
At 57, I finally have both. And that's when the real shift happened.
It's worth naming explicitly: my own scaffolding system has multiple layers.
Stimulus management (input filtering):
Specific nootropic compounds that increase GABA, reduce glutamate excitation
Cofactors (magnesium, taurine, etc.) that support neurochemical balance
Yoga and meditation practices that down-regulate the sympathetic nervous system
Strategic timing and dosing informed by 10+ years of experimentation
Response depth (cognitive capacity):
Other compounds and practices that optimize working memory, pattern recognition, sustained attention
Deliberate practice in systems thinking, frameworks, synthesis
Accumulated 57 years of special interests becoming deep expertise
Nondual thinking that holds paradox and complexity without collapsing them
Output modality (expression channels):
AI tools and scaffolding (Perplexity, language models, conversational interfaces)
Iterative graphics development (using Envato, Adobe, visual design as thinking)
Teaching and coaching (relational expression)
Writing (all the Quora years, the Grammarly streak, the 11M words)
Grant operations (strategic application of systems thinking)... None of these alone would work. It's the integration of all of them that creates the exocortex.
And that integration only became possible when:
I recognized what I actually needed (scaffolding, not "productivity hacks")
I built multiple layers of it (not just one solution)
I had economic stability to sustain it (not desperate for any paycheck)
I had 57 years of lived experience to draw on
When you stop fragmenting yourself, interesting things become possible.
Intellectual synthesis that wasn't possible before:
Connections across domains that previously stayed siloed
Integration of embodied, relational, visual, and intellectual knowing
Systems-level thinking applied to real organizational challenges
Frameworks that hold complexity instead of reducing it
Relational authenticity:
I don't have to perform different versions of myself in different contexts
Coaching is more powerful because I'm fully present, not managing a persona
Teaching is more dynamic because I'm not constraining my thinking to "appropriate" complexity
Mentoring relationships have more depth because I can be genuinely integrated
Creative possibility:
The graphics work becomes more sophisticated because I'm not keeping it separate from intellectual work
The writing integrates visual thinking, systems understanding, embodied knowing
Teaching draws on all modalities simultaneously
The possibility to actually contribute:
To grant operations: full systems-level thinking, not constrained capacity
To Prevolution work: frameworks that hold paradox and complexity
To mentoring: guidance that comes from integration, not fragmentation
To public intellectual work: authentic voice, not performed simplification
I need to acknowledge something that might be lost in the narrative: this took 57 years.
Not because I'm slow. But because the scaffolding wasn't available, the economy wasn't structured to compensate for my work, and society didn't recognize what I actually needed.
Those weren't personal failures. They were systemic ones.
The cost of that 57-year journey:
Decades of fragmentation
Economic instability despite high output
Pressure that never fully released until very recently
Relationships and opportunities were missed because I was fragmenting instead of integrating
Energy spent on worrying about economic survival instead of on actual contribution
I got lucky. I had a father with resources. I had the privilege. I eventually found a role that worked. I saw AI tools at precisely the moment I needed them.
But that luck reveals something important: integration at this level shouldn't require luck.
It shouldn't take decades of struggle before someone finally has adequate scaffolding and compensation.
Here's what I want to say clearly:
To every brilliant mind fragmenting itself across partial outlets: This is not your fault. You're not broken. You lack adequate scaffolding and compensation. Society should be building both.
To every institution that demands brilliance while refusing to provide scaffolding: You're destroying the very minds you need. And you're doing it by insisting they reduce themselves to fit your categories.
To every organization that extracts value from brilliant minds without compensating them: You're stealing the economic futures of people who could thrive with adequate resources. And you're doing it while calling it "contribution."
We have a choice. We can continue blaming individuals when they break, or we can build something different: scaffolding that recognizes unfiltered minds, and compensation that values brilliance.
So when Grammarly congratulates me on a 156-week streak, when people marvel at the 11 million words, when they see the output numbers:
That's not the real achievement.
The real achievement is this: A 57-year-old finally expressing himself fully. A polymath is finally whole instead of fragmented.
The words, the graphics, the teaching, the coaching—these are evidence of integration, not achievement.
The spillway reveals everything: how much was trapped. How great the pressure was. How possible is integration when we finally have adequate infrastructure?
But this isn't the end of the story.
Because if I have offloaded my memory to a database, and my processing to an LLM, and my structural organization to a framework…
There is one final, uncomfortable question we have to answer.
Who is the "I" that remains?
In the next part of this series, I will answer that question.
Continue to Part 6: The Operator — Who Is Actually Thinking? →
(Part 5 of 7)
← Part 4: The Recognition Problem — Why Brilliant Minds Generate Value Systems Can't See
This is where the story becomes about possibility.
Parts 1–4 traced a difficult path: the pressure that builds under unfiltered input, the fragmentation across partial outlets, the systemic failure to recognize scaffolding needs, the extraction of value without compensation.
But Part 5 is different. Because at 57, with adequate scaffolding and adequate compensation, something shifted.
For the first time, I'm not fragmenting. I'm not compensating by reducing. I'm not desperately seeking relief.
I'm whole.
Integration isn't a destination. It's a state where the system (and ourselves within it) stops fighting itself.
Before: Unfiltered input arriving constantly. Multiple partial outlets, each one capturing a fraction. The spillway is insufficient for the flow. The pressure is backing up.
After: Unfiltered input still arriving constantly. But the spillway is proportional. The output velocity matches the input velocity. The pressure releases as fast as it builds.
The experience is fundamentally different.
Before integration:
Constant low-level anxiety about unexpressed thoughts
Fragmentation across modalities (coach, writer, systems thinker, mentor—never whole)
Compromise: expressing myself fully in any domain meant being "too much," "unfocused," or "difficult."
Performance: maintaining different versions of myself in different contexts
Exhaustion: cognitive energy spent on managing the gap between internal complexity and external constraints
After integration:
Clarity: the thought I'm having right now becomes text almost immediately
Wholeness: the same polymathic, systems-level, pattern-recognizing mind operates across text, graphics, teaching, coaching
Authenticity: I don't have to reduce myself. The spillway is big enough.
Presence: less cognitive energy spent on managing gaps. More available for actual thinking.
Relief: the kind you feel when a pressure that's been building for decades finally releases.
This isn't "more productivity." It's finally being able to be yourself at the scale you actually think.
Here's something that happened at 57 that couldn't have happened before:
The same cognitive system that generates 150,000+ words in a week can now also:
Develop visual frameworks iteratively (dozens of drafts)
Teach live (real-time responsiveness, presence, relational depth)
Coach individuals (one-on-one integration)
Mentor groups (systems-level facilitation)
Write strategically (for grant operations, organizational design)
It's not that I suddenly learned how to do all these things. I've been doing them for decades.
The difference is that they're no longer separate channels.
They all flow from the same integrated system. The same three-part model (stimulus management, response depth, output modality) operates across all of them.
When I'm teaching, I'm not fragmenting myself into "teaching mode." The same polymathic, pattern-recognizing, systems-level thinking that shows up in writing shows up in real-time facilitation.
When I'm creating graphics, I'm not leaving behind the intellectual rigor that appears in essays. Visual thinking integrates with conceptual thinking.
For the first time, I'm operating as a single integrated person across multiple modalities, rather than fragmenting myself to fit different contexts.
Both matter. And they matter together.
Scaffolding without compensation = relief with ongoing instability. You can finally express yourself, but you're doing it while worrying about economic survival. The pressure doesn't fully release.
Compensation without scaffolding = financial stability with ongoing psychological pressure. You have economic security, but the internal pressure of unmatched input/output remains. You're drowning in luxury.
Scaffolding + compensation together = integration. Adequate outlets for thinking. Adequate resources for living. The system stops fighting itself.
At 57, I finally have both. And that's when the real shift happened.
It's worth naming explicitly: my own scaffolding system has multiple layers.
Stimulus management (input filtering):
Specific nootropic compounds that increase GABA, reduce glutamate excitation
Cofactors (magnesium, taurine, etc.) that support neurochemical balance
Yoga and meditation practices that down-regulate the sympathetic nervous system
Strategic timing and dosing informed by 10+ years of experimentation
Response depth (cognitive capacity):
Other compounds and practices that optimize working memory, pattern recognition, sustained attention
Deliberate practice in systems thinking, frameworks, synthesis
Accumulated 57 years of special interests becoming deep expertise
Nondual thinking that holds paradox and complexity without collapsing them
Output modality (expression channels):
AI tools and scaffolding (Perplexity, language models, conversational interfaces)
Iterative graphics development (using Envato, Adobe, visual design as thinking)
Teaching and coaching (relational expression)
Writing (all the Quora years, the Grammarly streak, the 11M words)
Grant operations (strategic application of systems thinking)... None of these alone would work. It's the integration of all of them that creates the exocortex.
And that integration only became possible when:
I recognized what I actually needed (scaffolding, not "productivity hacks")
I built multiple layers of it (not just one solution)
I had economic stability to sustain it (not desperate for any paycheck)
I had 57 years of lived experience to draw on
When you stop fragmenting yourself, interesting things become possible.
Intellectual synthesis that wasn't possible before:
Connections across domains that previously stayed siloed
Integration of embodied, relational, visual, and intellectual knowing
Systems-level thinking applied to real organizational challenges
Frameworks that hold complexity instead of reducing it
Relational authenticity:
I don't have to perform different versions of myself in different contexts
Coaching is more powerful because I'm fully present, not managing a persona
Teaching is more dynamic because I'm not constraining my thinking to "appropriate" complexity
Mentoring relationships have more depth because I can be genuinely integrated
Creative possibility:
The graphics work becomes more sophisticated because I'm not keeping it separate from intellectual work
The writing integrates visual thinking, systems understanding, embodied knowing
Teaching draws on all modalities simultaneously
The possibility to actually contribute:
To grant operations: full systems-level thinking, not constrained capacity
To Prevolution work: frameworks that hold paradox and complexity
To mentoring: guidance that comes from integration, not fragmentation
To public intellectual work: authentic voice, not performed simplification
I need to acknowledge something that might be lost in the narrative: this took 57 years.
Not because I'm slow. But because the scaffolding wasn't available, the economy wasn't structured to compensate for my work, and society didn't recognize what I actually needed.
Those weren't personal failures. They were systemic ones.
The cost of that 57-year journey:
Decades of fragmentation
Economic instability despite high output
Pressure that never fully released until very recently
Relationships and opportunities were missed because I was fragmenting instead of integrating
Energy spent on worrying about economic survival instead of on actual contribution
I got lucky. I had a father with resources. I had the privilege. I eventually found a role that worked. I saw AI tools at precisely the moment I needed them.
But that luck reveals something important: integration at this level shouldn't require luck.
It shouldn't take decades of struggle before someone finally has adequate scaffolding and compensation.
Here's what I want to say clearly:
To every brilliant mind fragmenting itself across partial outlets: This is not your fault. You're not broken. You lack adequate scaffolding and compensation. Society should be building both.
To every institution that demands brilliance while refusing to provide scaffolding: You're destroying the very minds you need. And you're doing it by insisting they reduce themselves to fit your categories.
To every organization that extracts value from brilliant minds without compensating them: You're stealing the economic futures of people who could thrive with adequate resources. And you're doing it while calling it "contribution."
We have a choice. We can continue blaming individuals when they break, or we can build something different: scaffolding that recognizes unfiltered minds, and compensation that values brilliance.
So when Grammarly congratulates me on a 156-week streak, when people marvel at the 11 million words, when they see the output numbers:
That's not the real achievement.
The real achievement is this: A 57-year-old finally expressing himself fully. A polymath is finally whole instead of fragmented.
The words, the graphics, the teaching, the coaching—these are evidence of integration, not achievement.
The spillway reveals everything: how much was trapped. How great the pressure was. How possible is integration when we finally have adequate infrastructure?
But this isn't the end of the story.
Because if I have offloaded my memory to a database, and my processing to an LLM, and my structural organization to a framework…
There is one final, uncomfortable question we have to answer.
Who is the "I" that remains?
In the next part of this series, I will answer that question.
Continue to Part 6: The Operator — Who Is Actually Thinking? →
Share Dialog
Share Dialog
No comments yet