jer979Purpose Struggle
Yesterday, I decided that my blogging career should come to an end. I was doing myself a disservice. I told myself that the goal of the posts was to dig deeper, peel back the layers, get down to the core. But by publishing online (or on-chain as the case may be), I was subconsciously writing for others, even if I told myself that I didn't care if others read. So, in an effort to be more authentic, I figured I'd stop publishing and start doing a private journal. Within 2 hours of that decision...
jer979Value. Happiness.
I feel happy. It's fun, it's light, like a feather floating at the beginning of Forrest Gump. But, like the feather, it's not grounded. It can flitter and float away. Value is also ephemeral. We know it when we see it. We feel it, somewhere deep inside. Something connects to us, saying "yes, this is worth it." The "it" that it's worth is energy. Energy in the form of time, attention, money. The things of which our possession is limited. There's a reason why all the great traditions point to "...
jer979Coffee with AI
Every day for the past month, I’ve had a coffee date with AI. I literally sit down, with a cup of coffee, with an appointment on my calendar that says “coffee with AI”. During that time, AI (I’ve used ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity, Claude, and Venice) and I literally have a chat, the way I would with a friend. It’s not “write this letter for me” or “do this or that.” No, it’s a chance for us to have a conversation about whatever topic I want. Many days, recently, at least, it’s been about quant...
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jer979Hubris. Humility.
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jer979Hubris. Humility.
jer979Purpose Struggle
Yesterday, I decided that my blogging career should come to an end. I was doing myself a disservice. I told myself that the goal of the posts was to dig deeper, peel back the layers, get down to the core. But by publishing online (or on-chain as the case may be), I was subconsciously writing for others, even if I told myself that I didn't care if others read. So, in an effort to be more authentic, I figured I'd stop publishing and start doing a private journal. Within 2 hours of that decision...
jer979Value. Happiness.
I feel happy. It's fun, it's light, like a feather floating at the beginning of Forrest Gump. But, like the feather, it's not grounded. It can flitter and float away. Value is also ephemeral. We know it when we see it. We feel it, somewhere deep inside. Something connects to us, saying "yes, this is worth it." The "it" that it's worth is energy. Energy in the form of time, attention, money. The things of which our possession is limited. There's a reason why all the great traditions point to "...
jer979Coffee with AI
Every day for the past month, I’ve had a coffee date with AI. I literally sit down, with a cup of coffee, with an appointment on my calendar that says “coffee with AI”. During that time, AI (I’ve used ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity, Claude, and Venice) and I literally have a chat, the way I would with a friend. It’s not “write this letter for me” or “do this or that.” No, it’s a chance for us to have a conversation about whatever topic I want. Many days, recently, at least, it’s been about quant...
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They are two sides of the same coin, aren’t they?
They are days or moments when I feel “I’ve got this.”
Which is basically a sign that “you’re about to find out that you don’t really got this.”
And yet, though I’ve experienced this cycle a few times, it keeps happening.
Why?
By now, I should know better.
Plus, I hate, no despise, the feeling of being humiliated.
It makes me feel weak, vulnerable, and scared.
Scared that it’s the beginning of an irreversible trend, like a snowball picking up speed as it goes down a mountain, past the point of no return.
And that point?
It’s the point of self-control of perceived self-mastery.
Which is what I cling to in order to feel safe.
But maybe that’s an illusion?
And I’m just putting my arms around an invisible pole.
Maybe the hubris is deeper.
Maybe it’s thinking that it’s possible to be in control at all.
They are two sides of the same coin, aren’t they?
They are days or moments when I feel “I’ve got this.”
Which is basically a sign that “you’re about to find out that you don’t really got this.”
And yet, though I’ve experienced this cycle a few times, it keeps happening.
Why?
By now, I should know better.
Plus, I hate, no despise, the feeling of being humiliated.
It makes me feel weak, vulnerable, and scared.
Scared that it’s the beginning of an irreversible trend, like a snowball picking up speed as it goes down a mountain, past the point of no return.
And that point?
It’s the point of self-control of perceived self-mastery.
Which is what I cling to in order to feel safe.
But maybe that’s an illusion?
And I’m just putting my arms around an invisible pole.
Maybe the hubris is deeper.
Maybe it’s thinking that it’s possible to be in control at all.
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