
Purpose Struggle
Yesterday, I decided that my blogging career should come to an end. I was doing myself a disservice. I told myself that the goal of the posts was to dig deeper, peel back the layers, get down to the core. But by publishing online (or on-chain as the case may be), I was subconsciously writing for others, even if I told myself that I didn't care if others read. So, in an effort to be more authentic, I figured I'd stop publishing and start doing a private journal. Within 2 hours of that decision...

Value. Happiness.
I feel happy. It's fun, it's light, like a feather floating at the beginning of Forrest Gump. But, like the feather, it's not grounded. It can flitter and float away. Value is also ephemeral. We know it when we see it. We feel it, somewhere deep inside. Something connects to us, saying "yes, this is worth it." The "it" that it's worth is energy. Energy in the form of time, attention, money. The things of which our possession is limited. There's a reason why all the great traditions point to "...

Coffee with AI
Every day for the past month, I’ve had a coffee date with AI. I literally sit down, with a cup of coffee, with an appointment on my calendar that says “coffee with AI”. During that time, AI (I’ve used ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity, Claude, and Venice) and I literally have a chat, the way I would with a friend. It’s not “write this letter for me” or “do this or that.” No, it’s a chance for us to have a conversation about whatever topic I want. Many days, recently, at least, it’s been about quant...
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Purpose Struggle
Yesterday, I decided that my blogging career should come to an end. I was doing myself a disservice. I told myself that the goal of the posts was to dig deeper, peel back the layers, get down to the core. But by publishing online (or on-chain as the case may be), I was subconsciously writing for others, even if I told myself that I didn't care if others read. So, in an effort to be more authentic, I figured I'd stop publishing and start doing a private journal. Within 2 hours of that decision...

Value. Happiness.
I feel happy. It's fun, it's light, like a feather floating at the beginning of Forrest Gump. But, like the feather, it's not grounded. It can flitter and float away. Value is also ephemeral. We know it when we see it. We feel it, somewhere deep inside. Something connects to us, saying "yes, this is worth it." The "it" that it's worth is energy. Energy in the form of time, attention, money. The things of which our possession is limited. There's a reason why all the great traditions point to "...

Coffee with AI
Every day for the past month, I’ve had a coffee date with AI. I literally sit down, with a cup of coffee, with an appointment on my calendar that says “coffee with AI”. During that time, AI (I’ve used ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity, Claude, and Venice) and I literally have a chat, the way I would with a friend. It’s not “write this letter for me” or “do this or that.” No, it’s a chance for us to have a conversation about whatever topic I want. Many days, recently, at least, it’s been about quant...


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<100 subscribers
The rewards, if they come at all, come at the end.
I am attracted to them. Even attached to them.
Letting go of the need, the desire, for the reward, for the outcome feels overwhelming and scary.
The “goal” sits like a heavy stone in my stomach, figuratively-and literally-weighing me down, keeping my orientation on some imagined future state, some imagined future happiness.
Meanwhile, as John Lennon said, “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
But it’s hard. Really, really hard. I’m terrified of what my identity and self-image become if, nay when, I actually abandon the compulsive attachment to the goal and instead lean in and savor the process of getting there…even if it never comes.
I used to always try and lift the stones-no matter how heavy-all at once.
Now, I see that the power comes from watching the stone every day, seeing the constant drip of water that is the process of self-improvement.
Perhaps, some day, the stone will break and dissolve.
Perhaps not.
Either way, the beautiful thing is knowing that, if I drop enough water for long enough, eventually the stone will break…but not caring if it actually does.
The rewards, if they come at all, come at the end.
I am attracted to them. Even attached to them.
Letting go of the need, the desire, for the reward, for the outcome feels overwhelming and scary.
The “goal” sits like a heavy stone in my stomach, figuratively-and literally-weighing me down, keeping my orientation on some imagined future state, some imagined future happiness.
Meanwhile, as John Lennon said, “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
But it’s hard. Really, really hard. I’m terrified of what my identity and self-image become if, nay when, I actually abandon the compulsive attachment to the goal and instead lean in and savor the process of getting there…even if it never comes.
I used to always try and lift the stones-no matter how heavy-all at once.
Now, I see that the power comes from watching the stone every day, seeing the constant drip of water that is the process of self-improvement.
Perhaps, some day, the stone will break and dissolve.
Perhaps not.
Either way, the beautiful thing is knowing that, if I drop enough water for long enough, eventually the stone will break…but not caring if it actually does.
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