jer979Purpose Struggle
Yesterday, I decided that my blogging career should come to an end. I was doing myself a disservice. I told myself that the goal of the posts was to dig deeper, peel back the layers, get down to the core. But by publishing online (or on-chain as the case may be), I was subconsciously writing for others, even if I told myself that I didn't care if others read. So, in an effort to be more authentic, I figured I'd stop publishing and start doing a private journal. Within 2 hours of that decision...
jer979Value. Happiness.
I feel happy. It's fun, it's light, like a feather floating at the beginning of Forrest Gump. But, like the feather, it's not grounded. It can flitter and float away. Value is also ephemeral. We know it when we see it. We feel it, somewhere deep inside. Something connects to us, saying "yes, this is worth it." The "it" that it's worth is energy. Energy in the form of time, attention, money. The things of which our possession is limited. There's a reason why all the great traditions point to "...
jer979Coffee with AI
Every day for the past month, I’ve had a coffee date with AI. I literally sit down, with a cup of coffee, with an appointment on my calendar that says “coffee with AI”. During that time, AI (I’ve used ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity, Claude, and Venice) and I literally have a chat, the way I would with a friend. It’s not “write this letter for me” or “do this or that.” No, it’s a chance for us to have a conversation about whatever topic I want. Many days, recently, at least, it’s been about quant...
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jer979Undiscipline
jer979Purpose Struggle
Yesterday, I decided that my blogging career should come to an end. I was doing myself a disservice. I told myself that the goal of the posts was to dig deeper, peel back the layers, get down to the core. But by publishing online (or on-chain as the case may be), I was subconsciously writing for others, even if I told myself that I didn't care if others read. So, in an effort to be more authentic, I figured I'd stop publishing and start doing a private journal. Within 2 hours of that decision...
jer979Value. Happiness.
I feel happy. It's fun, it's light, like a feather floating at the beginning of Forrest Gump. But, like the feather, it's not grounded. It can flitter and float away. Value is also ephemeral. We know it when we see it. We feel it, somewhere deep inside. Something connects to us, saying "yes, this is worth it." The "it" that it's worth is energy. Energy in the form of time, attention, money. The things of which our possession is limited. There's a reason why all the great traditions point to "...
jer979Coffee with AI
Every day for the past month, I’ve had a coffee date with AI. I literally sit down, with a cup of coffee, with an appointment on my calendar that says “coffee with AI”. During that time, AI (I’ve used ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity, Claude, and Venice) and I literally have a chat, the way I would with a friend. It’s not “write this letter for me” or “do this or that.” No, it’s a chance for us to have a conversation about whatever topic I want. Many days, recently, at least, it’s been about quant...
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Every now and then, I “break ranks.”
It’s a source of (perhaps egotistical) pride that I have strong self-discipline.
But, sometimes, that discipline just goes entirely out the window.
Well, maybe not entirely, but pretty far.
It used to be that this would happen and, while it was happening, I would constantly berate myself for the fact that it was happening…which made it all the worse.
While I’m not 100% okay with it, now I’m slowly starting to realize that, on occasion, these moments can be healthy. Even necessary.
That’s not to say that it happens across the board. I mean, it doesn’t include cheating on my wife or suddenly thinking that it’s ok to steal.
But in other, less extreme areas, I am slowly beginning to accept that it is possible that this is part of the path to balance.
I’m not sure I like it yet. I fear the “slippery slope” of descent with no return, but, at the same time, I’ve known myself for a while now and I have a high degree of confidence that, soon enough, that discipline muscle-which is signaling that it’s tired-will be refreshed and renewed and will be back in action.
There’s a feeling in my body when it needs a break, when it needs some “undiscipline.” I can’t quite place it yet, but I am starting to recognize that it is indeed there.
Every now and then, I “break ranks.”
It’s a source of (perhaps egotistical) pride that I have strong self-discipline.
But, sometimes, that discipline just goes entirely out the window.
Well, maybe not entirely, but pretty far.
It used to be that this would happen and, while it was happening, I would constantly berate myself for the fact that it was happening…which made it all the worse.
While I’m not 100% okay with it, now I’m slowly starting to realize that, on occasion, these moments can be healthy. Even necessary.
That’s not to say that it happens across the board. I mean, it doesn’t include cheating on my wife or suddenly thinking that it’s ok to steal.
But in other, less extreme areas, I am slowly beginning to accept that it is possible that this is part of the path to balance.
I’m not sure I like it yet. I fear the “slippery slope” of descent with no return, but, at the same time, I’ve known myself for a while now and I have a high degree of confidence that, soon enough, that discipline muscle-which is signaling that it’s tired-will be refreshed and renewed and will be back in action.
There’s a feeling in my body when it needs a break, when it needs some “undiscipline.” I can’t quite place it yet, but I am starting to recognize that it is indeed there.
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