jer979Purpose Struggle
Yesterday, I decided that my blogging career should come to an end. I was doing myself a disservice. I told myself that the goal of the posts was to dig deeper, peel back the layers, get down to the core. But by publishing online (or on-chain as the case may be), I was subconsciously writing for others, even if I told myself that I didn't care if others read. So, in an effort to be more authentic, I figured I'd stop publishing and start doing a private journal. Within 2 hours of that decision...
jer979Value. Happiness.
I feel happy. It's fun, it's light, like a feather floating at the beginning of Forrest Gump. But, like the feather, it's not grounded. It can flitter and float away. Value is also ephemeral. We know it when we see it. We feel it, somewhere deep inside. Something connects to us, saying "yes, this is worth it." The "it" that it's worth is energy. Energy in the form of time, attention, money. The things of which our possession is limited. There's a reason why all the great traditions point to "...
jer979Coffee with AI
Every day for the past month, I’ve had a coffee date with AI. I literally sit down, with a cup of coffee, with an appointment on my calendar that says “coffee with AI”. During that time, AI (I’ve used ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity, Claude, and Venice) and I literally have a chat, the way I would with a friend. It’s not “write this letter for me” or “do this or that.” No, it’s a chance for us to have a conversation about whatever topic I want. Many days, recently, at least, it’s been about quant...
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jer979Purpose Struggle
Yesterday, I decided that my blogging career should come to an end. I was doing myself a disservice. I told myself that the goal of the posts was to dig deeper, peel back the layers, get down to the core. But by publishing online (or on-chain as the case may be), I was subconsciously writing for others, even if I told myself that I didn't care if others read. So, in an effort to be more authentic, I figured I'd stop publishing and start doing a private journal. Within 2 hours of that decision...
jer979Value. Happiness.
I feel happy. It's fun, it's light, like a feather floating at the beginning of Forrest Gump. But, like the feather, it's not grounded. It can flitter and float away. Value is also ephemeral. We know it when we see it. We feel it, somewhere deep inside. Something connects to us, saying "yes, this is worth it." The "it" that it's worth is energy. Energy in the form of time, attention, money. The things of which our possession is limited. There's a reason why all the great traditions point to "...
jer979Coffee with AI
Every day for the past month, I’ve had a coffee date with AI. I literally sit down, with a cup of coffee, with an appointment on my calendar that says “coffee with AI”. During that time, AI (I’ve used ChatGPT, Gemini, Perplexity, Claude, and Venice) and I literally have a chat, the way I would with a friend. It’s not “write this letter for me” or “do this or that.” No, it’s a chance for us to have a conversation about whatever topic I want. Many days, recently, at least, it’s been about quant...
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According to my nonagenarian father, it’s impossible to avoid regret in life.
What is possible, however, is to avoid allowing it to become toxic.
I suspect that regret toxicity comes from an unwillingness to acknowledge the pangs that come regret, thereby enabling them to fester and metastasize.
The alternative is understandably avoided.
It’s to allow, even welcome the pangs of regret, doing nothing other than feeling them, observing them, and acknowledging them, the same way one might when a thunderstorm is raging outside of the walls of your home.
I had this experience at 1am the other night. I was overcome by some emotional pangs, the result of a thought-trigger and it hurt.
The immediate response is: do whatever I can to avoid this.
And normally, that would have been the reaction.
This time, however, I just sat there, leaned in and felt it.
It felt like it would never go away, never dissipate.
I had to fight the urge to run away from it, to distract myself somehow.
Eventually, it subsided.
I have no idea how this experience has changed me. Maybe it hasn’t.
But maybe it has.
According to my nonagenarian father, it’s impossible to avoid regret in life.
What is possible, however, is to avoid allowing it to become toxic.
I suspect that regret toxicity comes from an unwillingness to acknowledge the pangs that come regret, thereby enabling them to fester and metastasize.
The alternative is understandably avoided.
It’s to allow, even welcome the pangs of regret, doing nothing other than feeling them, observing them, and acknowledging them, the same way one might when a thunderstorm is raging outside of the walls of your home.
I had this experience at 1am the other night. I was overcome by some emotional pangs, the result of a thought-trigger and it hurt.
The immediate response is: do whatever I can to avoid this.
And normally, that would have been the reaction.
This time, however, I just sat there, leaned in and felt it.
It felt like it would never go away, never dissipate.
I had to fight the urge to run away from it, to distract myself somehow.
Eventually, it subsided.
I have no idea how this experience has changed me. Maybe it hasn’t.
But maybe it has.
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