I hold.
Not because I want to.
Because no one else will.

I hold
while the world calls me strong
so it doesn’t have to call itself guilty.

My body performs.
That’s all.

My back cracks,
my pulse obeys,
fatigue is managed
like an old debt
that never gets paid off.

From the outside they say
discipline.
They say merit.
They say woman of character.

They love damage
as long as it doesn’t stain.

I’m not strong.
I’m useful.

I adapted
the way something adapts
once it understands
that asking doesn’t work.

There’s no net.
No fall.
Just constant pressure
until something gives
without making a sound.

Don’t admire me.
Don’t celebrate me.
Don’t turn my endurance
into propaganda.

This doesn’t build.
This consumes.

Not everything that resists
survives.
Some things just
learned how not to die.

When you see
that I’m holding,
don’t say “how admirable.”

Say:
this is violence.

And move on.

I hold.
Not because I want to.
Because no one else will.

I hold
while the world calls me strong
so it doesn’t have to call itself guilty.

My body performs.
That’s all.

My back cracks,
my pulse obeys,
fatigue is managed
like an old debt
that never gets paid off.

From the outside they say
discipline.
They say merit.
They say woman of character.

They love damage
as long as it doesn’t stain.

I’m not strong.
I’m useful.

I adapted
the way something adapts
once it understands
that asking doesn’t work.

There’s no net.
No fall.
Just constant pressure
until something gives
without making a sound.

Don’t admire me.
Don’t celebrate me.
Don’t turn my endurance
into propaganda.

This doesn’t build.
This consumes.

Not everything that resists
survives.
Some things just
learned how not to die.

When you see
that I’m holding,
don’t say “how admirable.”

Say:
this is violence.

And move on.