The case I see among most of young people in 2026 – it is incredibly hard to find a reliable partner for long-term relationships. A lot of my friends, both male and female, incredibly funny, smart, and kind people, struggle with it for years. In this essay, I drop some thoughts on why it went this way and how we can fix it.

The tectonic shift of internet era

Last 20 years introduced us to a bunch of relationship types such as friends with benefits, one night stand, etc where you can get some basic physical relationships and a tiny bit of emotional warmth without any heavy investment. All of them, became a legitimate type of relationships quite popular among young people. 

The cultural shift made a one-time-fuck less acceptable while rebranding it into one-night-stand sounds more proper. 

Dating became a consumer product 

Before Internet, getting each one new partner had a very high cost. First, you need to even find them somewhere, then convince to do something with you at all. People had incentive to choose a partner they actually might like and being more thoughtful about people they choose. Apps turned dating in a completely consumeristic process. You have a shopping window – you always can choose a new one. Just through away the previous one (block them, ghost them, you choose), and choose a new one. Dating has never ever been that “cheap” before. 

Most people feel awkward to discuss expectations early

Okay, we got dating as we got it. Apps then apps. What next? Most people do not express clearly what they are looking for, and most people feel too awkward to ask before meeting or at the first meeting “What are your intentions in dating overall?”. But even when asked, most people will answer vaguely “I am not sure, I am open to things” or something like that and sweep this convo under the table. Because they do not want to lose the lead before they used it. 

Personal opinion: half-formats of relationships are wrong (with some exceptions)

Overall, people are not consumer goods. Using other people to feel better is a wrong thing to do, there are other ways to feel better (therapy, sports, close relationships with friends, adopting a dog, etc). Engaging someone in the friends-with-benefits format means “you are okay to hang out with you but not good enough to choose you”. Which affects people’s feeling of self-worth, ability to meet other people later, and therapy bill. 

It seems quite simple: if you are not ready for the relationships – do not go into it. But it is so easy to hang out for couple of months and then ghost them – it is almost a one button delivery. When something comes for free – people will use it. So people use other people to fill in internal gaps and then through each other away the moment it becomes a little uncomfortable. 

Parents explain condoms but do not explain feelings

The world is scared of feelings as fuck. Most people prefer not feeling anything. Most parents teach their kids not to feel anything. The trained behaviour is engaging into relationships that won’t make you feel anything without thinking about how it affects other people. 

Overall, there is a positive dynamics. We somehow made it to the world where either parents or schools explain kids what condoms are and sometimes even what consent is. Tho a lot of work still TBD on consent. A lot of people think that if they asked the answer doesn’t matter. But almost no parents and no schools tell kids “use condoms and actually fuck people you want to be with and have feelings for and not random people around”. 

Feelings have a bad connotation in the world

People are scared of feeling af. For me, telling people about my feelings broke two sweet friendships within the last three years. And those were not like wild feeling of “love to death”, those were “like you” feelings and a very non-binding ask out. People were scared as if I was asking to get their soul. 

It is fine not to want relationships now or at all

We all have periods in life when we do not want relationships, have other priorities, are not ready for relationships, and it’s completely fine. Life is quite a challenge on its own and we have many things to deal with. But it doesn’t mean that during these periods we should fuck around with whoever is on our way. God won’t punish for it. Bad karma doesn’t exist. It’s just a wrong thing to do. It’s disrespectful to other human being. It might hurt people. And overall it doesn’t feel nice to anyone to be used for one’s moment needs.

There are less binding types of relationships (but you won’t like it)

In polyamorous relationships, one can be in relationships with two people. One as a core partner and another one as a secondary partner. Which defines how intense the relationship is. And for the secondary partner, maybe a lighter relationship is exactly what they need at current life stage. In my opinion, this is wayyy more healthy than friends-with-benefits or some vague unclear relationships with no expectations and no commitment. But most people’s ego will never allow them sharing their partner (even if one-time partner) with another person. 

The bottom line: it’s everyone’s personal responsibility to protect themselves from being treated as a consumer product. The modern culture encourages it. It will continue. It is not a right thing to do. But we have what we have. 

So my 20 cents on how to survive in modern dating world:

• Discussing expectations and intentions is completely fine.

• Saying ‘no’ even if it annoys another side is fine. 

• Taking care of yourself and being kind to yourself is important.

• Staying positive overall and respectful to everyone is a great basement, not only in dating, but in navigating the world overall.

Feel free to share your dating stories: lisaakselrod@gmail.com