It seems that most people come from somewhere - they have a family house or at least an area where their relatives live - when people ask "where do you come from?" they can simply answer with the location they grew up in.

But I never had that:  Singapore - England - Singapore - boarding school in England - Germany - University in London - Job that moved every couple of years - Los Angeles for the longest time - now in Scotland.

So - which one's home?

The longest I've spent in one place would be LA - while I often refer to it as home and indeed own a home there - I never took citizenship.  

It's hard to feel at home when you can be deported at any minute.

And so here I am in Scotland -  my ancestral home - generations of Baillies and MacArthurs blending with McCluskeys from Ireland  - and you know what - it kinda does feel like home. I feel very connected to the land - to the rivers and bens, the lochs and inches, the age of the buildings and the vibe of the people.

The problem is, I don't sound Scottish at all - I sound ridiculous.  My English boarding school accent, combined with Californian pronunciation and a tendency to pick up the accent of whoever I'm talking to - confuses the hell out of people.  I'm immediately identified as an outsider - a foreigner - and so once again - home eludes me.

But I would like to know what home feels like - to feel rooted - to not feel like an outsider - rather to feel like I belong.  

And I'm hopeful.  

I think Scotland might be the place.