Congratulations!
You’ve found yourself in a discussion you cannot win, and instead of gracefully bowing out like a rational human being, you’ve decided to fight to the bitter end.
But don’t worry! Losing an argument has never been easier!
Here, with 100% guaranteed results, is the Joel Johnson 10-Step Program for ensuring your complete and utter humiliation.
Before engaging in any debate, ensure that you possess absolute certainty that you are the smartest person in the room.
You may not have read the material.
You may not even know what the conversation is about.
You may not even believe in your own argument.
None of that matters.
As long as you exude confidence, you can fake your way to credibility—at least, until someone asks you a follow-up question.
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Some classic lines to try:
“That’s a great question. Too bad you don’t understand the answer.”
“I’d explain it, but I don’t think you’d get it.”
“I see you’re very emotional about this.”
By implying your opponent is too dumb, too emotional, or too naive to grasp your superior wisdom, you subtly establish dominance.
Unfortunately, if your opponent is actually intelligent, this will immediately backfire.
Proceed to Step 3.
When challenged with a direct question, do not answer it.
Instead:
Reframe the topic to something you can argue.
Turn it back on your opponent by questioning their motives.
Introduce a completely unrelated point and hope no one notices.
If your opponent presses you for an answer, simply say:
“That’s the wrong question.”
“I don’t accept the premise.”
“You’re not smart enough to understand my response.”
If done correctly, this will make you appear mysterious and profound, rather than what you actually are—completely full of shit.
Before the discussion is even halfway done, proclaim that you have already won.
“You just proved my point.”
“I see you’re flailing.”
“Wow. This is too easy.”
At this stage, the conversation is still ongoing, but if you just keep repeating that you’re winning, you can psychologically manifest a victory into existence.
At least, that’s the idea.
Now that your opponent is actually winning, it’s time to pretend you don’t care.
“This is hilarious.”
“I’m just here for the entertainment.”
“You’re really obsessed with me, aren’t you?”
Remember: If you post multiple paragraphs explaining how much you don’t care, that proves you don’t care.
If you repeat it enough, it might even become true.
At this point, your original argument has collapsed, but that’s fine!
You can simply rewrite history.
“I never said that.” (You did.)
“I never meant it that way.” (You did.)
“You’re twisting my words.” (No one is.)
“You’re attacking me personally!” (Your words are just on display.)
The goal is simple:
If you cannot win on merit, convince the audience that the conversation never actually happened.
Unfortunately, if screenshots exist, proceed to Step 7.
This is the nuclear option.
You have lost the argument so catastrophically that your only remaining move is to intimidate your opponent into silence.
“I’ve contacted my lawyer.”
“I’ll be filing paperwork.”
“Expect a cease and desist.”
Important note: You will not actually be filing anything.
But if you act scary enough, maybe they’ll delete the post and pretend it never happened.
If that doesn’t work, proceed to Step 8.
When all else fails, it’s time for the Grand Exit.
“I’m done with this.”
“I have better things to do.”
“Enjoy your echo chamber.”
Then, immediately continue posting.
If anyone points this out, proceed to Step 9.
If you’ve been thoroughly humiliated, it might be time to start fresh under a new identity.
Simply create a brand-new account, complete with:
An AI-generated headshot
A generic but mysterious name
A bio full of vague credentials (e.g., “Entrepreneur | Visionary | Thought Leader”)
Then, re-enter the conversation pretending to be a third-party observer.
Be sure to post something like:
“I just found this discussion, and wow, Mark seems really unhinged.”
“Joel makes some great points! I can’t believe no one else sees it.”
“This list of names is insane. How does he think this is okay?”
Try to make it sound like multiple people agree with you.
Unfortunately, if the writing style is identical and you forget to switch accounts before liking your own comments, proceed to Step 10.
At last, we arrive at the final step.
Your original identity has been obliterated.
Your sock puppet accounts have been exposed.
Your legal threats have failed.
Your entire argument has collapsed.
Now, the only move left is to disappear.
Simply vanish and pretend none of this ever happened.
Maybe, in a few months, you can try again under a new name.
Or, better yet—maybe it’s time to log off.
Maybe it’s time to touch grass.
Maybe it’s time to look in the mirror and reflect.
Just kidding.
Narcissists don’t do that.
And thus, the cycle begins anew.
Another debate.
Another meltdown.
Another case study writes itself.
Thank you for your contribution, Joel Johnson.
You lost the argument.
But you won a permanent place in the archive.
We couldn’t have done it without you.
Neutralizing Narcissism: The Awakening Edition
