What is your equation of happiness?

Maybe you are wondering does happiness have an equation.

So let me put it this way. Fill in this sentence, I will be happy when _________

In fact, you can take a few minutes to actually write that down in your diary or a piece of paper. Many people don’t really know what will make them happy and they don’t take the time to get honest with themselves and figure it out.

Do you know why?

Because it is scary. Yes, it is scary to define happiness and to get completely honest about it. The moment you define what it is, you are literally opening a pandora's box for your mind or closing one... (I will rant about this in another post)

So for the sake of simplicity, let’s assume you can define what is happiness for you. Even if it is not a complete definition. It can be a partial one or just a handful of things that you know will make you happy.

• I am happy when I eat a good meal.

• I am happy when I spend quality time with my loved ones.

• I am happy when I make 1 million dollars.

You can make your list.

Now, let me turn things around and ask, are you happy now?

In all honesty, are you really happy now?

If your honest answer is yes, then you can close this post and go do your thing.

But if your answer is no, read along.

In Eastern philosophy, they define true happiness as something that is eternal, present, and unconditional. Happiness without a reason, happiness in itself as complete.

But I have never been able to assert that completely with experience. (Not yet!)

So why not take a more practical and realistic route, and maybe one day we will realize by experience ‘Happiness in itself as complete’.

The ‘norm’ seems to be, I am happy when...

That is, something makes me happy...

That something can be anything and is many things for many of us. Each one is unique and different.

So let’s start with the point that as humans we feel happy when something happens in our life or when we do or achieve something. Sounds fair?

Now let’s look at that ‘something’ very closely. Because the key to happiness is in that something, right?

There is a common saying: If you can change something change it, if you can’t change it, leave it, or better accept it.

Or in other words, if it is in your control, change it. If not, accept it. (I know it is hard!)

The worst thing you can do is just keep complaining without doing any of the above.

Putting that in perspective of our discussion.

Is that ‘something’ on your list, that makes you happy, in your control?

Is that something that you can fully and completely change or modify to what you want it to be? (Without hurting or harming people around you.)

If you look at the list of things that you wrote down before and ask this question, how many of these are in my control and how many are not?

Isn’t it wise to strike off those things that are not in your control? I know it is super hard to get yourself to do that. But do we have a better option?

The flip side is, you just ignore it, let it sit there and continuously brood over it, which is a sure-shot way to unhappiness.

Isn’t your priority to be happy in the first place?

So are you making it really difficult or even impossible to make yourself happy?

Is that even fair? Because you are doing it to yourself! And no one but you can change that?

It takes a lot of courage to take complete responsibility for your happiness. And people whom I have seen truly happy - have in fact taken complete charge of their happiness.

Which means, it is possible! If you put your mind to it and you truly want to be happy and not just merely in pursuit of happiness.

Many people spend their whole lives in pursuit of happiness and die a sad death.

They finally rest in peace!

Nassim Taleb brings this out beautifully, even though not in this context.

He says Time and Randomness are things that have always happened since eternity, and possibly would continue to do so.

As humans, we have almost no control over these two aspects of life or nature.

Time always passes, and random things always happen.

Now looking at your equation of happiness, how many of these things are affected by time and randomness?

For eg, I want to make 10 million dollars by 2025. (What if you make 10 million in 2027?)

I must get married before I turn 30. (what if you get married at 31?)

Some people even take it to the extent of saying things like, it has to happen in exactly this way, in this order, and by this time.

This, this, and this has to go right for me to be happy.

Do you see how fragile is your equation of happiness?

Or how hard you are making it to be happy? Stupid hard?

So is there a solution to this madness?

Yes, there is. In Japanese culture, there is a beautiful expression called wabisabi.

It can be even looked at as a way of life. Wabisabi means, ‘less is more’.

Fewer the things that have to go right for you to be happy, the easier it is to be 'actually happy'.

Isn’t that something in our control, or isn’t that the only thing in our control?

Taking a closer look at the things that make us happy and removing everything that is not in our control or is prone to the effects of time and randomness.

This might seem extremely hard at the beginning. But even removing one thing from the list has a great relieving effect on our minds. Doubt it? Try it!

And once we taste that freedom, we will voluntarily and actively look for and remove things that are not in our control - to make us happy.

It is a process, a life long one? I don’t know.

But at least we will be doing something that is taking us to increased states of happiness, and we are fully in control of it.

Maybe this is what it means when we say, we take control of our life in the true sense.

But this beautifully brings us back to where we started.

The definition of true happiness is something that is eternal, present, and unconditional. Happiness without a reason, happiness in itself is complete.

As we go on this journey of simplifying our list or equation of happiness.

We might one stay arrive at a point where there is nothing on the list.

And experience happiness in itself as complete.

What is your equation of happiness?

Maybe you are wondering does happiness have an equation.

So let me put it this way. Fill in this sentence, I will be happy when _________

In fact, you can take a few minutes to actually write that down in your diary or a piece of paper. Many people don’t really know what will make them happy and they don’t take the time to get honest with themselves and figure it out.

Do you know why?

Because it is scary. Yes, it is scary to define happiness and to get completely honest about it. The moment you define what it is, you are literally opening a pandora's box for your mind or closing one... (I will rant about this in another post)

So for the sake of simplicity, let’s assume you can define what is happiness for you. Even if it is not a complete definition. It can be a partial one or just a handful of things that you know will make you happy.

• I am happy when I eat a good meal.

• I am happy when I spend quality time with my loved ones.

• I am happy when I make 1 million dollars.

You can make your list.

Now, let me turn things around and ask, are you happy now?

In all honesty, are you really happy now?

If your honest answer is yes, then you can close this post and go do your thing.

But if your answer is no, read along.

In Eastern philosophy, they define true happiness as something that is eternal, present, and unconditional. Happiness without a reason, happiness in itself as complete.

But I have never been able to assert that completely with experience. (Not yet!)

So why not take a more practical and realistic route, and maybe one day we will realize by experience ‘Happiness in itself as complete’.

The ‘norm’ seems to be, I am happy when...

That is, something makes me happy...

That something can be anything and is many things for many of us. Each one is unique and different.

So let’s start with the point that as humans we feel happy when something happens in our life or when we do or achieve something. Sounds fair?

Now let’s look at that ‘something’ very closely. Because the key to happiness is in that something, right?

There is a common saying: If you can change something change it, if you can’t change it, leave it, or better accept it.

Or in other words, if it is in your control, change it. If not, accept it. (I know it is hard!)

The worst thing you can do is just keep complaining without doing any of the above.

Putting that in perspective of our discussion.

Is that ‘something’ on your list, that makes you happy, in your control?

Is that something that you can fully and completely change or modify to what you want it to be? (Without hurting or harming people around you.)

If you look at the list of things that you wrote down before and ask this question, how many of these are in my control and how many are not?

Isn’t it wise to strike off those things that are not in your control? I know it is super hard to get yourself to do that. But do we have a better option?

The flip side is, you just ignore it, let it sit there and continuously brood over it, which is a sure-shot way to unhappiness.

Isn’t your priority to be happy in the first place?

So are you making it really difficult or even impossible to make yourself happy?

Is that even fair? Because you are doing it to yourself! And no one but you can change that?

It takes a lot of courage to take complete responsibility for your happiness. And people whom I have seen truly happy - have in fact taken complete charge of their happiness.

Which means, it is possible! If you put your mind to it and you truly want to be happy and not just merely in pursuit of happiness.

Many people spend their whole lives in pursuit of happiness and die a sad death.

They finally rest in peace!

Nassim Taleb brings this out beautifully, even though not in this context.

He says Time and Randomness are things that have always happened since eternity, and possibly would continue to do so.

As humans, we have almost no control over these two aspects of life or nature.

Time always passes, and random things always happen.

Now looking at your equation of happiness, how many of these things are affected by time and randomness?

For eg, I want to make 10 million dollars by 2025. (What if you make 10 million in 2027?)

I must get married before I turn 30. (what if you get married at 31?)

Some people even take it to the extent of saying things like, it has to happen in exactly this way, in this order, and by this time.

This, this, and this has to go right for me to be happy.

Do you see how fragile is your equation of happiness?

Or how hard you are making it to be happy? Stupid hard?

So is there a solution to this madness?

Yes, there is. In Japanese culture, there is a beautiful expression called wabisabi.

It can be even looked at as a way of life. Wabisabi means, ‘less is more’.

Fewer the things that have to go right for you to be happy, the easier it is to be 'actually happy'.

Isn’t that something in our control, or isn’t that the only thing in our control?

Taking a closer look at the things that make us happy and removing everything that is not in our control or is prone to the effects of time and randomness.

This might seem extremely hard at the beginning. But even removing one thing from the list has a great relieving effect on our minds. Doubt it? Try it!

And once we taste that freedom, we will voluntarily and actively look for and remove things that are not in our control - to make us happy.

It is a process, a life long one? I don’t know.

But at least we will be doing something that is taking us to increased states of happiness, and we are fully in control of it.

Maybe this is what it means when we say, we take control of our life in the true sense.

But this beautifully brings us back to where we started.

The definition of true happiness is something that is eternal, present, and unconditional. Happiness without a reason, happiness in itself is complete.

As we go on this journey of simplifying our list or equation of happiness.

We might one stay arrive at a point where there is nothing on the list.

And experience happiness in itself as complete.