It is possible to gain and preserve inner peace regardless of the circumstances, but meditation is not the way.

I have never meditated in my life, but as a freelance writer, I've been hired to write meditation scripts more than once. I was an atheist at the time, and I was curious. So I did my research, read and listened to dozens of guided meditation scripts, and deconstructed and reconstructed the form and the meaning in order to get a clue of what such a script should look like. 

I had a preconceived idea about all that mindfulness business, of course. I thought it was shallow yet harmless. It turned out it was neither shallow nor harmless. What I found out upset me. 

Most meditation sessions that you’ll find on popular apps have a firm structure softened by the effects that should make you feel nice and comfortable. A pleasant soothing voice prompts you to sit and relax, and then to focus on your breath as an anchor. Then you’re invited to gradually let go of what’s disturbing you, to detach from your thoughts, problems, and anxieties. That seems to work at some level. If you do it right, you’ll soon be able to notice a physical sensation that is associated with whatever bothers you and to switch it off. 

The goal, as the authors of these scripts say, is to observe your thoughts, fears, and problems as something that’s outside of you and to let them go. The focus then returns to the breath and the body, and you’re invited to get back to the present moment.

The topics of meditation sessions vary, but what I heard in every session is this: the source of peace, strength, love, joy, and stability is in you. It is within yourself, and you have to do is to find it. Just be more patient, try a bit harder, meditate a bit longer, and buy a premium subscription. If it doesn’t work or if it makes you feel worse – which happens incredibly often, and it makes people feel empty and depressed – it’s all your fault and you probably need therapy. 

Some people do find meditation pleasant and helpful, but not all. The internet is full of stories of people who had horrible experiences with meditation. Some of them started experiencing aggravation, anxiety, and panic attacks. Many ended up seeking professional help to reverse the process. Few managed to recover to date.

One explanation that you’ll find all over the web is that meditation makes you recall some deeply suppressed things about your life. If you are not ready to face those things, if you can’t deal with them, they start haunting you. (See, it’s your fault? Be more patient next time.) 

Now, it is true that suppressing memories and emotions is not a good idea and that you have to face them someday. You can’t live in a lie forever. So, meditation is good. You only need to be careful not to rush the process. Well, not really. 

Recalling a suppressed emotion or a long-forgotten memory can be upsetting, but people usually describe it as a freeing experience. Indeed, facing your fears and traumas is a way of getting over them. The real reason why so many people got anxious after completing a couple of meditation sessions is not psychological. It is metaphysical.

Most of the people who reported the bad effects of meditation had actually never experienced major trauma. It was not some personal memory or emotion that made them feel depressed. It was rather the feeling of utter loneliness. Mindfulness meditation creates a temporary distance from the world around you, the people in your life, relationships, and everything else – including God. Then it (gently) forces you to look within yourself to find what you don’t have. 

The very notion that you don’t have what you’re supposed to have, that you’re not the source of love and strength, that you’re weak and unable to be comforted by self-love, becomes unbearable. You’re left on your own, spiritually drained, and you’re frightened. Because you can’t live that way.

In this individualistic, self-centric world, people are taught to strive to be self-sufficient financially, emotionally, and spiritually. The financial part is easy. As for the other two, that’s not how we’re meant to be living. To be emotionally satisfied, we need to have warm and healthy relationships with other human beings. To be spiritually healthy, we need to let God into our lives. He is the source of living water that we can drink and share with our loved ones. No amount of self-love will ever be able to compare with that.

…it is because you’ve faced the truth that you can’t rely on yourself and your efforts to be contented. The good news is that you don’t have to. All you have to do is accept the grace and love of Jesus, find a genuine church, and enter his family. Then you’ll be able to stand firm despite the circumstances. 

Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.—John 7:37-38 

Meditation can’t give you inner peace. Only God can do that.

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Originally published on my old WordPress blog. Republishing here as part of my effort to move all content on-chain.