In the world of advocacy, we often talk about "finding your voice." But for my son Sheamus, now 17, the challenge isn’t just speaking it’s the internal detective work of identifying what he actually wants for himself.

If you ask Sheamus what he wants to eat, the answer is a scripted, reliable reflex: Spaghetti or chicken tenders. The irony? He actually loves a wide variety of foods. He has a sophisticated palate that enjoys flavors far beyond the basics. But when put on the spot to define a "like," his brain defaults to the safest, most consistent anchor in his memory.

The Mirror Effect

One of the most striking things about Sheamus is where his focus sits. He is rarely "self-centered" in the way we typically describe teenagers. Instead, he is constantly tuned into the frequency of others:

• What do they have?

• What are they doing?

• How are they moving through the world?

When your mind is a high-definition processor for the environment around you, sometimes the signal for "Self" gets drowned out. For Sheamus, clothes aren't about brands, textures, or self-expression through fashion they are simply "T-shirts and jeans." It’s a functional uniform for a world that already requires so much sensory and social management.

Why "I Don't Like" is Easier Than "I Love"

Sheamus can tell you exactly what he doesn’t like with total clarity. In the neurodivergent experience, a "dislike" is often a physical or sensory boundary a loud noise that hurts, a texture that feels like sandpaper, or a food that triggers a gag reflex. These are survival signals.

A "like," however, is a luxury of reflection. It requires:

1. Filtering out the noise of what everyone else is doing.

2. Accessing a catalog of past positive experiences.

3. Synthesizing those into a preference.

Shifting the Culture of "Choice"

At Autismhoodmedia, our goal is to humanize these variations. Sheamus isn't "missing" a personality; his personality is simply expressed through his observations of the world rather than his demands of it.

As a parent and advocate, my job isn’t to force him to pick a favorite brand of jeans. It’s to provide the "wide variety" of life and watch for those quiet moments where his eyes light up even if he doesn't have the words to claim it as his own yet. We learn to read the "unspoken likes" while honoring the scripted "spaghetti" answers that give him a sense of safety.

In the world of advocacy, we often talk about "finding your voice." But for my son Sheamus, now 17, the challenge isn’t just speaking it’s the internal detective work of identifying what he actually wants for himself.

If you ask Sheamus what he wants to eat, the answer is a scripted, reliable reflex: Spaghetti or chicken tenders. The irony? He actually loves a wide variety of foods. He has a sophisticated palate that enjoys flavors far beyond the basics. But when put on the spot to define a "like," his brain defaults to the safest, most consistent anchor in his memory.

The Mirror Effect

One of the most striking things about Sheamus is where his focus sits. He is rarely "self-centered" in the way we typically describe teenagers. Instead, he is constantly tuned into the frequency of others:

• What do they have?

• What are they doing?

• How are they moving through the world?

When your mind is a high-definition processor for the environment around you, sometimes the signal for "Self" gets drowned out. For Sheamus, clothes aren't about brands, textures, or self-expression through fashion they are simply "T-shirts and jeans." It’s a functional uniform for a world that already requires so much sensory and social management.

Why "I Don't Like" is Easier Than "I Love"

Sheamus can tell you exactly what he doesn’t like with total clarity. In the neurodivergent experience, a "dislike" is often a physical or sensory boundary a loud noise that hurts, a texture that feels like sandpaper, or a food that triggers a gag reflex. These are survival signals.

A "like," however, is a luxury of reflection. It requires:

1. Filtering out the noise of what everyone else is doing.

2. Accessing a catalog of past positive experiences.

3. Synthesizing those into a preference.

Shifting the Culture of "Choice"

At Autismhoodmedia, our goal is to humanize these variations. Sheamus isn't "missing" a personality; his personality is simply expressed through his observations of the world rather than his demands of it.

As a parent and advocate, my job isn’t to force him to pick a favorite brand of jeans. It’s to provide the "wide variety" of life and watch for those quiet moments where his eyes light up even if he doesn't have the words to claim it as his own yet. We learn to read the "unspoken likes" while honoring the scripted "spaghetti" answers that give him a sense of safety.